Past Poetry

This was written a while ago, about a year and a half. I was still dating babes and I was so confused and lost. I do think, that it's one of my most clear, coherent expressions of how I felt the last few months of our relationship.
Here's to sharing parts of me we never get to see.

Burn the edges of this faded photograph, you know we were never picture perfect.
Pose a minute, try to laugh; could we ever postpone this
cataclysmic demise
that cautiously covers every minute, every precious second of the history we share?

I'm afraid of out growing you, like a t-shirt worn one too many times
I'm afraid of letting up, and facing it all on my own
I'm scared to death of losing you, all I've really ever had

So why do I put my fingers to the flame?
Knowing for certain I'll get burned
I inch closer and closer, and decide to defy some more

The poetic memory of my heart is taken over, occupied
by sentimental things related to everything we've done before
the only one I could ever trust blindly
the only one i could ever adore

Twisted roads
our paths intertwine and mingle,
and at times I am lost as to
where you end and I begin
where you stop and I continue
where we are apart and where we meet.
you & I,
our endless possibilities
and yet I fear the change
my comfort zone is my niche
where everything fits perfectly,
and yet I push my luck,
I test the fire,
I swim dark water against strong currents
remind me
I can't let myself get carried away.

There will be better days ahead
but oh, this darkness looms around me
casting shadows and burdens,
weights on my shoulder that make it impossible for me to walk away
Could I ever give up on the impractical love story we carry?

We are not heroes but we are built to last

"We are not heroes, we are not saviors and we will never be exactly what you expect of us... what we are is a fucked up generation of losers built to last and struggle until we win "

-Babes

Are we all doomed, in some way or another, to be a failure? Are we in all honesty never meant to be up to par, up to level?
We all learn we cannot please everyone. We all come across the realization that we will unequivocally, at some point or another, be a disappointment to someone. Perhaps it will be for something that is beyond our control, perhaps it will be because of sheer selfishness and rebelion against others' judgment; but in all honesty perhaps it is truly because we are only human and we fail.
We are not heroes.
Last week, my co-worker said something I had forgotten:

"You are not Mother fucking Teresa. Learn to live with your limitations and understand that you have to say no at times; and that some of those times it will because you will need to put YOUR needs FIRST"

-E.F.

Well damn. If there's anything more powerful than freedom of choice, it's realization of power. I tend to forget I have both. I'll admit that life has been difficult for a while now, but damn, who would think life would bring us so far? We struggle, we look for more and more reasons to strive for, ways to subsist. We persist in our efforts despite heartaches and disappointments and loneliness and tribulation.

"Nunca es la noche mas oscura que cuando va a amanecer"

- Juan Bosch

This means, Never is the night darker than right before dawn. It goes back to the days I lived in DR and this was my mom's phrase of encouragement of choice. Words will never ever ever suffice to explain why she means THE WORLD and then some to me.
Back to the quote, it's meant to imply that the moment you feel all the walls crumbling down, you see the light... so keep the faith alive folks.
In truth, it's all we really have.

My Besties for life

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

Cocco Sooz.
My bestie, my bff, my big sista :)
ma crazy B
my fashion adviser
my relationship critic
my accomplice in random adventures
my biggest instigator and encourager

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Babes <3
My best friend. The gamer. Chewie.
whom I always underestimate
who knows be better than I give him credit for
who would follow me to the ends of the earth
my self-appointed biggest protector
my playlist man

"Friendship that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannot congeal in winter."
- James Fenimore Cooper

Esperar.::|::.Waiting

I originally wrote this in Spanish, which I have spoken since as long as I can remember. I'll admit I kinda cheated and instead of translating it myself, I used the Google Language tools. I did however, tweak it afterwords, so that it was coherent and cohesive.
Let me know what ya think. :)

Esperar

Comprendo
vendo tiempo al tiempo
haciendo horas en un intento de entretenimiento
en la espera
al ver pasar el viento, viviendo en silencio
esperando
sin conocimiento
el momento
preciso, exacto, friamente calculado
esperando
sin saber el dia la fecha y la hora,
esperando
porque es lo unico que queda por hacer
esperando
para no perder el juicio, la cordura,
esperando
para tener razon de existir
esperando
para poder soñar
para soñar los sueños que hoy son solo humo que escapan mis labios
los sueños que son el futil intento de besar el sol, de viajar en una nube.

Esperar
porque el alma añora, anhela
porque queda aflijida en la envidia vana
Esperar
porque sin la espera no hay esperanza.

Esperar
porque es lo único que nos queda, lo que nunca termina
Esperar
porque sin la espera, no hay vida

________________________________________________________

Waiting

I understand
I sell time to time
making hours in an attempt at entertainment
in the waiting
to see the wind pass, living in silence
waiting,
without knowing
the when, the moment
accurate, precise, coldly calculated
waiting
not knowing the day, the date and time,
waiting
it is the only thing left to be done
waiting
hoping not to lose judgement, sanity,
waiting
to have a reason to exist
waiting
to be able to dream,
to dream the dreams that today are just smoke that slips through my lips
the dreams that are the futile attempts to kiss the sun, to travel a cloud.

Waiting
because the soul yearns, longs
because it remains aching in vain envy
Waiting
Because without waiting there is no hope

waiting
because it is all that we have, all that never ends
waiting
because without the wait there is no life

Now I see why Bella sticks to Edward.

An apple is an apple, a peach is a peach, and an asshole is an asshole; regardless of the light you look at it, and the circumstances involved.

That said, there is a reason why Bella stays with Edward in Twilight.
Matter of fact, everybody should stick with their own personal Edward.
Well, no, some of us don't like our personal Edwards in that light anymore.

I choose to stick to humans, and stay away from mythical creatures of sorts. I value my sanity more.

In sum, my Jacob wannabe date was, basically, a total Jacob. LOL
but enough of that.

Bella does stay as his friend after all.
Enough said, right?

and yes, we are still going to six flags.

Gratitude & Love rarely go hand in hand

There was
a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She
hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always
there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see
the world, I will marry you.'

One day,
someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages
came off, she was able to see everything, including her
boyfriend.


He asked
her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The
girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The
sight of his closed eyelids shocked her.. She hadn't expected
that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life
led her to refuse to marry him.

Her
boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her
saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'


This is
how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who
was always by their side in the most painful situations.


Life Is a
Gift


Today
before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't
speak.

Before
you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone
who has nothing to eat.

Before
you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone
who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today
before you complain about life - Think of someone who went
too early to heaven.

Before
whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.

And when
you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your
job.

And when
depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on
your face and think: you're alive and still
around.

==========================

The definition of Trouble

I went on a date recently, with someone I've know for a while.
Long story short, family friends. Or to be more accurate, son of a family friend.
Anyhow. Long story short again, dude has a gf.
Aw Crap.
It's hard to even think straight around him cuz he looks like a beefed up version of Jacob Black, aka Taylor Lautner. Tattoos included.
The guy is a total bad ass, and I don't say that on the lighter sense of the words. He is the very definition of unapologetic, relentless, and un-remorseful.
Now, what makes matters worse is that he has a brilliant mind, hidden under the bad ass-ness he portrays. I swear I could talk to the guy for hours.
So why on earth did I go on a date with an incredible hot guy and then ended up talking about his gf and the issue they have/had?
Beats me, but it makes use of my talents for being a therapist. It would've been a good career choice for me, but I left that up for Ally over at Pix n Flix n Stix.
So one date turned into a second date and then came the day I skipped work and went to Stone Mountain, and then came the day he left on vacation.
The guy is going all over the US, and yet manages time to text me all day. Funny.
I get the impending feeling on doom one feels when you know what you're doing is wrong, but it sounds like soooo much fun, and you decide to do it anyway. And to make matters worse, we keep planning future dates. From six flags, to a rock band party, to sky diving to new years (insert here family friendship, they all usually party together during all major holidays. And yes, we are all Dominican here. lol)

As much fun as I'm having, and as much as I like the guy, what am I supposed to do with the guilty concience I have because of this?! Can I make it just go away???? Please?

guilty and pondering,

Jezz

I had to post this one

Sooo... I'm at work... bored outta my mind...
And I'm on the FAILBLOG
*Funniest Site ever*
and I had to post this one particular fail cause I burst out laughing in the middle of reading it...
LOL :)


see more Fail Blog

Echo- Just because I'm bored at work

1. SOMEONE SAYS "ARE YOU OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Aint no nigga"- Jay Z ft. Foxxy Brown

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF:
"Wonderwall"- Oasis cover by Robbie Williams- live acoustic

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Closer"- Drake

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"We are all made of stars"- Moby

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Stronger" Kanye West [so love this one]

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
"Broken Heart"- Dashboard Confessionals

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Something Beautiful"- Robbie Williams

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Rise Up"- Yves Larock

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Fences"- Paramoure

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
"Face to Face"- Daft Punk [lol sooo fits!]

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"To have and to hold"- Deftones [damn babes!]

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Privilege"- Incubus

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Heartless"- Kanye West

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"City is Mine"- Drake [lmfao]

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"All my loving"- Jim Sturguess (Across the Universe soundtrack)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"My Favorite Game"- The Cardigans

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Groovejet (If this ain't love)"- Spiller ft. Sophie Ellis Bextor

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
"Dream to make believe"- Armour for Sleep

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Faded"- Drake

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
"I will survive"- Cake

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Let it out"- Hoobastank

22. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"You're so last summer"- Taking Back Sunday

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Flying over bus stops"- Athlete [lol]

24. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Dirty Harry"- Gorillaz

25. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Echo"- Vertical Horizon