If I had a dime for everytime I said I wouldn't but did, I'd be filthy rich

I'm taking FULL responsibility of this.
Because I know it's my own fault.
Okay, maybe not completely, but almost. But whatever.

Can you guess where this is going?
ha.
I bet.
and I can't blame you.
BUT! I'll leave that for last.
Just to make sure you listen to me. Or something like that.

I got my car registered, and I got my license plate.
I'd give you a pic, but that doesn't like a rather wise idea.
I got the title in the mail this week too. It says J. A. A. H. on it.
and then it kinda hit me...
DAMN. I bought my 1st car by myself...
paid for, checked, fixed and registered.
I think I'm going places in life.
but that's gonna be after I get my license.
Lol. ^.^

SO.
I'm pretty much half way though the quarter... it feels alot easier this time around. I'm not sure if that means I'm getting better or it means I'm just failing at something.
Maybe both?
I'd hope neither.
If I get too comfortable then shit happens. It's a fact of life. You relax, and then you drop the ball, and screw up and holler at the top of your lungs and have a minor existential crisis or something like that. I think. I wouldn't quite know though.

I've got some interesting news of sorts...
I'm kinda not supposed to tell but... I mean, it's not like y'all live here anyways.
I had to go to Jury Duty.
This means... I was selected to be *potentially* a part of a jury.
It ended up being a TOTAL waste of my day, in which I sat in a room with 400 other people.
and did nothing.
ALL DAY LONG.
which was, in every which way, a Turkish  torture

I was there from 7:40 am...
until 6:15 pm
and I ended up NOT being selected to be interviewed for the Jury.
Which is a GOOD thing.
Being there was like an inverse feeling kickball in school...
you did NOT want to be picked, under any circumstances at all.

After they selected about 170 people of the 400, a judge came out and said that the case they were looking for a jury was a triple murder
*_*
*&^#$^%@#$
and that it would probably be 4-5 weeks of jury duty.

Anyhow.
6:30 rolled around and I had nothing to do...
so I did a BAD thing.
I'll make it short and sweet in hopes it makes it better?
I called Jacob, and agreed to go to North Ave to hang out.
SO.
That I did.
We went to Moe's and got some food, then back to the dorms & watched some episodes of True blood.

The thing is... that in doing that... I've set myself up for failure again... how can I not?
The truth is that I need to go back a little bit more.

Last Saturday, I was bored.
I was a tad... down. For various reasons, to which we can tally PMS, work, headache, hw, wanting to party and feeling like I'm 21 going on 35.
.... and Jacob texted me. something simple and *seemingly* inconsequential: I miss you and wish you feel better.
I start talking to the guy, in a non-aggressive manner for the first time in months, and he's genuinely ... nice.
Which kinda concerns me but whatever.
He asks me a question... what would be the one thing that would make me happy right now?
I answer in true Jezz fashion: Chocolate ice cream.
I keep doing hw, and later find out that he's texting me while he's in the movies ( I mean, who does that?) and told him I'd stop talking to him and tell him to watch the movie.
...
an hour later, he calls me, but I don't answer and head to take a shower.
When I get out the shower 20 minutes later, I see 3 text messages, all from Jacob.
-What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?
-Why aren't you answering?
   &
- I really hope you're not asleep... I'm outside & I've got a surprise for you.

So imagine the look on my face when I go outside, and walk around the parking lot to find him leaning back in his car seat staring at his phone.
I got in his car... and he gave me the world's hugest hug, and reaches into the back seat, and pulls out a pint of Death by chocolate ice cream.
I nearly cried. No joke. I mean, there was no way in hell he could've known that my favorite cookie recipe is for Death by Chocolate cookies, and that I used to make them with the now-infamous person who was once my BFF.
But there we were and I was in awe... he drove about 30 miles to bring me ice cream at 3 am.
Maybe I'm easily impressed, but... damn.

We went into my house to get two spoons, and of course all the spoons were dirty, so he had to wait for a little.
It's funny... that was the 1st time he'd ever been to my house, and he actually noticed that too.
Anyhow, we headed back out to the car, cause we didnt mean to wake anyone in my house.. and we did the usual: sit in the car & talk, & listen to music.
Which was all good and fine, until John Mayer, Block Party and Imogen Heap came on back to back to back to which we decided that we don't mess with his ipod on random and changed it to a hip hop playlist in order to make things a little more... cordial and less tempting? I guess that's the closest word I have.

and we talked for hours again, and it's funny how I say never again, and not two weeks later end up talking to him and in a somewhat compromising situation with him again. I mean, DAMN!

So yeah.
That's all for one night's confessions.
Not that there's really more to tell, but you know.

SN: I am starting to work on making this an actual book. Yes.
Ally: you are officially the un-official editor. XD
cause you called dibbs like, a lifetime ago.

Although, Jacob seems to see this a tv show of sorts.
He said, and I quote: "NOOO! You're not getting rid of me that easy. This is only season 2. In which you dumped me and I came back with ice cream in the middle of the night. Last season's finale was the car episode... we have a WHOLE lotta more ground to cover."

Okay I guess?
Maybe I should be mad.

Anyhow, I'm gonners. It's 12:18 and I am OUSTA here.

Night y'all.
Much love

-Jezz

Maybe I should just post this anyway?

So well,

I've been kinda MIA.

I'm back in class. HOORAY... not quite.
I'm taking business classes only :/ not too awesome.
But I mean, it's better than not, right?

I'm a quarter away from graduating with my associate's degree, and I have no fucking idea what I want to do. o_o
Completing my bachelors is the ONLY option, for sure
But at what? Graphic Design? Photography? Arts?
I was so sure of my choices a while back, but not quite so much anymore.
I've even gone so far as to question whether I want to take a completely different turn and go for Psychology (which was my original choice, way back when) or Marketing (which I've learned I enjoy plenty).
In the end... I know I'm sticking to arts though. It catches me every time.

In somewhat positive news... I have a new hard drive, after the catastrophic fail of my other one, I now have a bright yellow hard drive that makes me giggle every time I see it. Yellow was my favorite color as a kid, and even today, it makes me happy when I see yellow things :P
When my other hard drive crashed... it happened to be right after I had backed up ALL my older files: my school work, my pictures, my blog posts, my videos and movies, my music, my sheet music... EVERYTHANG.
I was able to go to the IT guy at my school and beg him to try to recover my files -which he did- and I'll be getting ALL -well most of it anyway- my stuff back tomorrow !!! major YAY! :D

I got a ticket about a month ago ... not cool. I "forgot" to mention to my mom... and it later turned out that, because my wonderful mother is on the insurance and I am under the age of 24, I HAVE to tell her and get her to show up to court. WTF!

Other than that, life has been pretty low key... uneventful even.
I'm not talking to Jacob Wannabe anymore, this time, even to my own surprise.
See, I figured out a few things about him.
Whenever we hang out, something BAD happens within the few days after.
Like effin clockwork. It's like Karma is punishing me for going back on my word and dealing with a person I have no business with, whatsoever.
However, even with that knowledge under my belt, I was still tempted to go hang out, and being treated like a princess even when I know the rest of the circumstances to this story. In which he is NO prince charming, I might add.
Now, this was something I learned the HARD way.
I REFUSE, with a passion, to be psychotic control freak maniac that must have everything done a certain way. Specially, in a relationship. Or whatever, cause this dramatic whatever was, most certainly not, a relationship.
You are grown, and you know what's right and what's wrong. You are responsible for your actions or lack-thereof. I'm not going to fuss and nag and be a bitch to get you to do what I want. I'll ask.
It's ENTIRELY up to you whether or not you decide to, and that's ok. You're your own person with your own mind and opinions and wants and needs.
However. In being this way, I was also letting Jacob basically get away with murder.I was letting him be his own person, and have his wants and need, even when it meant that in his quest to get whatever it was he wanted, he would mislead me and also mess with MY feelings.
SO.... I caved. I decided to do the one thing I know can drive a non-committed man insane in 2 seconds flat.
I started nagging and complaining, and then talking about my feelings.
Funny how it works like a fucking charm.
Whenever he would try to cross the line... I'd get all "Sensitive" and tell him he's "an asshole" and that "He hurts my feelings" and he's "breaking my heart" and then, for good measure, I'd add that he "doesn't love me or care for me" like he should.

and VOILA!
I was surprised how EASILY the change happened.
See, I thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be different, considering we were pretty close.
But the truth is, that these are, indeed, the true colors of the man: He didn't give a fuck.
So, when it came down fight or flight... He flew.


and so, for good this time, the Jacob Wannabe Saga has ended.
It's been 3 months strong.
Hoooray for me.


anyhow my loves, I'm gone.
Gotta get some work done, lest I should be fired.

Mucho love



-Jezz ♥

I literally, don't have a thing to write about.
Seriously.

Is this the reason I keep Jacob Wannabe around?
For the sake of amusement and entertainment, at the expense of my feelings?
well damn.
Oh well.


I'm actually feeling like writing dilutes my feelings.
Which I kind of end up needing for sketching.
Oh goodness gracious....

In uninteresting  news, I'm taking an online class again... I know, I know... but it's better than not, right?

What makes me feel a little better about it all, is that I'm actually 2 quarters away from graduating from my associates degree. It sounds so big... and yet I feel like I have done NOTHING... o_O
I'm not quite sure it's supposed to be that way?


Either way, I guess I need to start looking into my options for transferring? I want to go to the Art Institute... and find a job in my field... Maybe after I have my degree I can afford to switch over industries into the good stuff... I feel like I'm under-read in life. Lol

I want to plan ahead... I always try my hardest to be 10 steps ahead of everything... but maybe the glorious joy of it all is that we can't see what's coming around the corner.

Babes is happier. Things are kinda falling into place slowly. He asked me to go to Church with him yesterday.
I'm honestly surprised and delighted by that! Go figure. The self-professed non-believer is slowly inching his steps closer...

I haven't been reading much lately... mainly because I kinda owe the library like 50 bucks in fines (which I kinda gotta pay back eventually) and can't check out any books :(

I'm hoping that somewhere in the near future my wanderings take me to Myrtle Beach for a stress free weekend, but that is yet to be seen.
I had high hopes for taking my bum to Japan for my birthday, but later decided I'd make it my graduation present and go to China instead so I could try to be there for the new year celebrations... I might even try to see my friend Ana Maria in Sweden.... that would be pretty sweet, wouldn't it? If not, then I'd probably end up visiting my dad in Spain... that would be a trip alright. Nuff Said.

I gotta go... I'm tired beyond words, and I kinda gotta be up early too... so...

catcha later

Jezz