February in the life

I'm staring at the page wondering where to begin,  but the reality of it is that I'm not even sure.
It feels like it's been SO SO long since I've actually sat down and had a good thought about my thoughts on anything. I kinda feel like I've been in autopilot for so long that I've lost something. Is that really the case? ...

Life's been pretty insane in 2011 and it's February is barely ending.

Soozi is pregnant with twins. We had a nasty argument over FB messages, and to be honest, I still wonder why I even give a fuck about the whole ordeal... I suppose that it's because it bothers Babes so much, and how bad their arguing has gotten?
I miss how things used to be. She's become so angry, and resentful, and belligerent... It's almost as if she's so afraid of being judged and criticized that she shuns everyone away and in her paranoid fear attacks everyone trying to get close to her. Defense mechanisms can be a bitch sometimes, huh?
After the fb message showdown it's painfully obvious that we all need time away from each other, to let time heal old wounds and nasty words to be left behind... but even now, it really sucks to see someone you cared about drift further and further apart... that's life though... We live, learn and move along.

In regards to my Jacob Wannabe saga, I'm pretty happy to say that we've managed to settle in an easy going friendship as of late. After the great debacle where all the cheating was brought to light, and he & PB broke up, he's been a lot more mellowed and zen-like. Don't get me wrong, he's still his usual flirt and social butterfly. But it's very comforting to know that we don't have that magnetic fatal attraction in the way of a sincere friendship. He's slowly become less of an attraction and more of an open ear and vice versa.

As for me and Babes, well, where do I begin? We've been on a losing streak with arguments ensuing over dumb shit like ordering pizza and major things like me feeling neglected and him feeling like I'm a selfish bitch.
Is it that we've been together for so long that we've grown accustomed to each other and see ourselves with such a sad mundane eye? I can't quite explain what the hell it is that's going wrong. All I know is that we're on a 3 day basis where we just end up stuck in another argument & I leave his apt, and he won't even bother to say a word...
Valentine's day was a TOTAL fiasco. So bad, so bad to the point where I'm crying, and he's yelling and then we both stop in our tracks and just wonder WTF we're even fighting about. He ended up going to work. I went to pick him up. In a sweet gesture to end the arguing, he gave me a box of chocolates. I ate them and cried, of course, because of the gesture, because of the chocolate, and because I was just that sad. I ended up just going home after dropping him and that was that.

I went to Florida for a weekend (more on that later on) and he threw a fit when I was leaving. I stocked his fridge before I left, making sure he had plenty of easy-grab snacks and tried to ease my absence by texting as much as I could.
But THE DAY I GOT BACK we argued to the point where I swore up and down I was DOOONE with everything, with feeling like we're not going anywhere and there was no point to even bothering.
I changed my fb status to single. He freaked. I didn't know what the hell to do about it. I drove to his house at 4 am and we argued for 3 hours and then I went back home. Apparently, our attempts at progress mean taking one step forward and then 2 steps back.
 I ended up changing it to BLANK. According to JWB, that's the definition of relationship limbo. I guess he's right? I'm not sure.
We've called a truce. Supposedly back together. We're working on no more arguing.
...but how many times can I actually convince myself that this time will be different before enough is enough?

....

About the trip to FL.
I went with some friends, and while I had a good time, I was pretty pissed for a good portion of the trip because of stupid annoyances.
For example, (true story) We went to a club while we were in Ft. Lauderdale. At said club, I decided to get slightly very happy and tipsy and dance the night away. There was a stage. Me & a friend got on said stage (along with a bunch of random girls)  and started dancing. At some point everyone started to take off their shoes, so I did the same. I mean them shoes were KILLING me! So I left my shoes resting beside me and keep dancing, and some random guy, who had been standing a few feet away to my left, decided to grab my shoes and toss them across the bar.... W. T. F. (!!!!) 
I freaked out and then the bartender threw out the guy & his friend and my shoes were later on recovered, but damn... only in my life would random shit like that happen. (O.o)

While on the trip, I also figured out that I REALLY REALLY REALLY dislike people who manipulate other people and manipulate situations and circumstances to ONLY get what THEY want and nothing else, and then don't give two shits about anybody else's time or plans.

Let it suffice to say that I was ridiculously HAPPY to get home and get away from those people, and just be at home with my mom & brothers. Not that I dislike being with them, but, well, it was THAT bad.

I'm still (un)happily unemployed, but, I recently found out that my previous employer is now... out of business... Go figure. The company is closing down, and everyone that was still working there was given a 5 day notice, and advised to apply for unemployment benefits. So yeah, about that...

In the meantime, I went to a few interviews at the same place this week, which seems to be a good thing. I'm hoping that this one's the one for now. I kinda miss having my own funding, and eating Chinese food, and shopping for pretty shoes.

Well world... this has been it for the last month or so... Life's crazy twists and turns never stop, so never fear, I'll be back soon enough :)

Much love to all.

-Jezz

The Dump Post: A time line of sorts. Kinda.

FYI: DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE GETTING DUMPED.

(Sorry if I disappointed ya :/)

Ok, now that said, a LOT has happened and I have yet to post the stories... but that doesn't mean I can't give you a trailer preview :P THIS IS , however, A LONG POST. Brace Yourself.

Yeahh, I'm awesome like that :D I'm just gonna dump it all in a single pot and make some sort of Jumbo out of it, LA style. Not that I've ever been there... but you get the point.

The Dump Post: A time line of sorts. Kinda

Well, my last real post ended with me sorta getting even on some pitiful level with Jacob Wannabe by making it seem as though my brother's best friend, Cuban Hottie, is kinda digging me, and then missing a bunch Jacob Wannabe's the next day.

After that, plenty has happened.

My mom got into a car accident. 

She was leaving my uncle's house and headed to go get my little brother's eye exam done, and another car steered out of his lane, into hers and hit her car head-on.

Lil' bro was a big man, and got out of the car, which, btw, was flipped on it's side, and ran up the street to my uncle's to get help. (P.S.- He's 9)

They took both to different hospitals, and both were ok. They were released that same night. No broken bones, no bleeding, no cuts, no life threatening issues. God's hand was DEFINITELY on that car, and HIS grace was seen.
The car was, by all means, totaled.

I cut speaking to Jacob Wannabe cold turkey for a while.

I was , by all means, trying my hardest to get over the BS and get on with my life. Obviously, he had plenty of plans for Valentine's day... you know, considering he has a gf and all... so why the hell would I make an ass out of myself and make myself seem pitiful? oh HELL NO.

I went on a TWO dates , including one double date for Valentine's day 

See, what happens is this. My dad lives overseas. My mom does not date. She doesn't really even go out much, other than work, my uncle's house and the grocery store. So, when seemingly superfluous holidays come around, I try to at least show some appreciation and love for the woman's who's given up on pretty much EVERYTHING and yet, encourages and  inspires me to do EVERYTHING I want to do.
I got her a cute present, and a mug (for her desk) and a lil pink puppy that said "You're the sweetest" and lots of candy and I also took her and the boys (Dude and Chino, my brothers) out for lunch date and a movie. We even got into a photo booth and took pics of all of us, and mom kept one strip and I keep the other on my desk :)

My other date, the double date, was Me & Babes and Cocco Sooz and her then date, Spitzeh. No, that's not his name. That's my personal nickname for him.

We went out to dinner at the Olive Garden and then went to a Bar for Karaoke and drinks. Best Valentine's ever. WAAAAAY too much fun. The good thing was that we were walking distance from where we were spending the night, because we were pretty drunk by the time we left the Bar, so we walked back, drank some more and then passed out on random places of the apartment. I, for one, fell asleep half on the couch and half on the floor. Go figure.

Mom quit her Job. Well, one of them anyway.

 Mom was working an Administrative Assistant for a law firm. This implies a lot of paper work and data entry. AKA: typing a lot.

In the car accident, the car flipped on it's side, landing driver's side on the pavement. When this happened, my mom was basically thrashed against the side of the car violently. This caused her wrist's ligaments to tear, swell and bruise. Which, causes wrist pain. Which screws you up when you are trying to type.

She had a medical license for 14 days, but even when she went back, she was still in pain. After a month of forcing herself, I eventually encouraged her to stop pushing herself so hard.

So she quit.
She's still working part time as a Crew Leader at the Restaurant though, so at least she's not completely out of it.

We have no car.

If you've ever been to Atlanta, you know that, unless you live in the downtown area, having no car is a pain. In the ass. 

we were basically screwed. Because I had to take Marta to campus every other day and then stay at a friend's during the week, take a bus to work and walk about 1.5 miles to get there and pay cabs to come home. A few friends pitched in and took me home after work, including Cuban Hottie, Dumdum and even Pilot. 

We get a car again, finally

After what seemed an eternity, we got a car again :)

The other accident victim (which, let me add, was not a victim. Dude straight up slammed his SUV into my mom's car and then said "I have no idea what happened") was, thank God, insured with a decent policy, and after looking at the car and the conditions, the insurance company called it totaled and paid my mom a hefty sum for her car.

So, she ended up getting a Honda Accord 2002. Which, I will now add, she does not like much.

She says, and I quote, that the car "doesn't represent her values" and what "she stands for" and does not "portray an accurate image of her". Uhm. Whatever.

She doesn't like the color either, it's silver. Her Volvo used to be Burgundy; which I have to admit, did seem a lot more like her. Oh... and she doesn't feel safe in her new car either. She wants another Volvo. Ah... dealing with life post-facto. She eventually got back on the road and is now doing a lot better and feeling a lot more confident.

Planning my trip- and everything else

So, I decided to go to DR to visit. Checked online fares. Called Mom. Got the ok. Called my aunt in DR, go the ok. Bought the ticket. However, a couple things happened after that.

My passport was expired. When I went to renew it, I noticed, my ID was expired.

I spent a WHOLE DAY in the DDS (direction of Driver's services) to get the ID renewed and then paid A WHOLE LOTTA MONEY to get my passport renewal expedited by mail.

Then it got returned to my house, saying I had to apply in person, because it was my first time applying as an Adult, and of course I had to pay some more fees. But all good.

Then my brother forgot to go to court for some traffic tickets. And then got arrested for driving with a suspended license. I ended up using some (most) of my vacation spending $$ on bailing him out, but (SIGH) whatever keeps Moms happy needs to be done. So done it was.

I wentto DR. Hurrraayyyy!

 After what seemed an eternity, but was only 2 years, I went back to DR to visit. For the sad amount of 6 days. Depressing? Kinda. Still better than not having gone.

Stayed at my aunt's. Went to my cousin's quinceañera celebration (if you don't know what it means, Google it. Cause Seriously) and stayed at a resort 6 hours away from the city for the weekend. I ate like an animal, got sick, went to the pool, went to the beach, realized I forgot my camera in GA and had a blast with my cousin. I went back home, spent a few days with the gramps, who also decided to torture me and have me visit every last uncle I had in the city, to go and say hello and goodbye basically, since I was leaving like the day after.

I went to an AWESOME concert with Ally J, in the flesh. She basically got me back for taking her to a Braves' game that had an All American Reject's concert after.  The Hard Rock Café in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic is a HELLUVA lot nicer than the one in Atlanta, GA. I'm just saying. Oh, and let me add, Dominican Republic is the first Caribbean/ Latin American Country to have an IKEA. Showoffs.

Anyhow, I went back home to GA and then had some sort of trouble re-adjusting into life.

Spoiled & Sheltered vs. Struggling & Independent

While I was in DR, my grandmothers were avidly trying to convince me to stay back at home, and well... Live there.

And I then realized the fundamental differences of the lifestyles I have there and here.

Over there, I am an upper-middle class young lady, who, among other things, does not have to work, has a chauffeur, gets weekly facials,  massages and my hair done, and has everything paid for by the family. All I have to do is just... go to school.

 But alas, it's not quite that simple. See, we're breeding THAT version of Jezz for marriage and well, kids and a house. After she graduates from College, of course.

But over here, I'm strugglin'. Oh I'm strugglin. From riding the bus and the train because I have no car, to waking up at the crack of dawn to go to school on only 2 days of the week, and then working 10 hours a day and finding study time and socialize and keep some sort of sanity and everything else... it gets tough to say the least. However, I do have INDEPENDENCE. Financially, having my own income means I get to do whatever I want with that money, Which mostly goes to paying bills at home, but that's not the point.

Emotionally, I'm free date as I will... as long as it's not serious enough to give my parents a heart attack.

And well... deciding what I want to do with my future for my self- marry or not marry, kids or no kids, travel or work, whatever- is in essence, priceless.... but damn... this shit is HARD!

Eventually, my head have up on the nonsense ideas I was having on staying in DR.

The date with Canadian Kermit

Before I went to DR, and after I tried renewing my passport the first time, I was asked to go, with an acquaintance, to Canada, no less, and attend his cousin's wedding. He even offered to pay the cost of the trip for me to go. I told mom about this, and instead of her usual panic, she was actually GAME to let me go. WTF mom?! I would've gone, if not for 2 things: My passport was still not renewed. AKA: I couldn't leave the country; and I couldn't take days off from work for a wedding and then a week later take days off for vacation. That would've been just too much to ask. So no Canada trip. However, my invitor, still swears to this day, he does not remember me explaining this to him. Once I got back from DR, he called and demanded I go on a date with him. LOL.
I agreed to go, and of course, my mom went head over heels for the idea.... uhm, ok mom. The date was nice - Atlantic Seafood for dinner, then a movie (Shutter Island). We had great conversation and he's a riot to be around... but I could never take him seriously as a person.

His vocie, -I SWEAR- sounds like Kermit from the Muppets. Add the tipical Canadia -"eh" to every other word, and well... it's just too funny. In a not so funny way. It gets kinda annoying after a while. :S  Oh, and he's the type of guy that totally diggs me being hispanic for some odd reason (which is something I have yet to understand, but I mean, whatever) so that kinda puzzled me little. But whatever. There was talks of a second date, but nothing ever materialized. Oh well. I'm not crushed or whatever. That's kinda because...

I started talking to Jacob Wannabe Again... and then went to visit. Again.

What had happened was.... 

Shit I don't have an excuse. The dude is like my most amusing, favorite fucked up mistake ever. I can live with that.

Before I left for DR, I had already gone and visited and got pissed when he tried to make a move on me and then talked again to him and set some ground rules to our complicated & dramatic friendship.

The second time visiting him, once I came back from my trip, was rather more civilized and calm, and well, just regular stuff. Hang out. Lunch. Movie. Same old Same old. Minus the hot making out. I was focused on trying to be good.... even though I kinda failed, but that's another story for another time.

The changes- Oh DAYMN

So after I came back from DR, and was rather miserable with everything for a while, things started to change.

CoccoSooz moved from one apt to another. Still in Student Housing though. Spitzeh and CoccoSooz are officially dating, which is rather cute. I sorta kinda officially got back together with Babes... heavy on the sorta kinda part.

Mom decided we should move, and I kinda pushed her into that. She went around and checked on a few apartments, and we found one we like.  I applied as the main leaser... and much to my own surprise, I got it. 

So now, it's all the moving around that's going to drive me crazy.

I'm moving tomorrow, with the help of my wonderful crew: Dude, Cuban Hottie, Clueless (Cuban Hottie's older brother), Chino, Babes and I. Mom's going to be working, so I'm basically the Captain of the crew... and shit, I better be. I'm the one paying the bills biznotches!! I'm sure as hell not moving any furniture down from the 3rd floor where I live in now. Oh, in case you're wondering, my new apt is now closer to the city, and also closer to where my office eventually relocated. Still a 2 bedroom, it's a little smaller that the one I currently live in... but it's a whole lot nicer. It's got a little balcony, a REALLY nice kitchen, and plenty of closets to go around. It's about 10 feet away from the pool in one direction and 10 feet away from the grilling area in another direction and 10 feet away from the tennis court in another direction. Oh, and it's also on the 1st floor. I was head over heels the first time I saw it. lol. oh, and it's cheaper too. lol.

I went with mom to check out the assigned Elementary school, where my lil bro will now be going, and also to the closest church. We discovered that there's a river nearby (I'm still in Middle of Nowhere, Suburbs, GA) and several parks are close by.

I'm completely excited and can't wait to start moving!!!!

Other random BS that's happened:

-I have an Asian professor, who's last name is Ho. Yeah... this makes for random jokes that the professor doesn't quite understand but still laughs at. He hasn't quite figure out why they call him Mrrrrrr. HOE!! lol

-I haven't shown up to a class in 3 weeks. What happens is this: I work until 12 on Thursday. This means, I don't usually get to bed until 2-ish, sometimes later. But the class in question is on Friday 8am. So I have to be up at 6 to get to class by 8. Every Friday, my mom pities me and lets me sleep in. SO I never get my ass to class. Oh, btw, next week is midterms. (minor FML moment here). I have however, at least kept up with my assignments :P nana nana naaa- NAHH!! 

Anyhow, I can't think of much else that I left out.

Matter of fact, consider this my official catch up post. Fuck the other posts that I have saved as drafts with all the same things I just condensed here. 

I'll try my hardest to kept everything current, but I make no promises.. I got a heavy week ahead of me.

I will close out with this final thought. 2010 is being, by far and wide, a year of change by trial and error and by mistakes and bumps.

I can feel all the changes that are coming, slowly and I know that they are coming for the better. Sooner, better, more abundant, beyond imaginable blessing are coming and I'm not even sure how I'm going to handle all of the, but Divine Providence is incredibly amazing and humbling.

Changes are, in many ways, the path to growth as people, and friends, lovers, children, parents, dreamers, poets, fools in love and bickering idiots. Like a plant that needs pruning to cut off the dried and dead stems and leaves, we also must re-evaluate our goals, refocus our aim and shoot for the stars again.

Changes are, by all means, the road between who we are and who we want to be, and where we came from to where we want to go.

Anyhow, I'm out y'all... I'm exhausted and got a hefty week ahead.

TTYLS.

-Jezz ♥

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”- Anthony Brandt

 

“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

 

“If you don't create change, change will create you”

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”  - Anatole Frances

 

 

ThanksGiving!

Dearest all!!!
Why Helllooo!!!
Sooo, it's thanksgiving and although I'm working, I can still manage to find a couple things to day, right
I know. I should be with the family n stuff... it really was not my choice, but hey, holiday pay works, right? Yeahh... about that...
Anyhow...
I want to mention the things that I AM really TRULY grateful for:

• My mom- who, despite everything (and there has been plenty) has managed to keep moving forward and keeping a soulful spirit
• My chinese boy- whom has helped me see the challenges of parenting (even though he's my youngest brother)
• Dude, my middle brother. Who has helped me realize exactly what I DON'T like in men, and how our family is affected by the changes we've gone through
• My family -because the world is meaningless without people to share your life with
• My job- because even when I feel as though I'm sucked into a black hole and I'm never going to see the sunlight- it has kept my family fed and bills paid
• Cooco Sooz and Babes- because they help me remember that life is not as serious as I unwittingly wrap myself into. Because through thick & thin, they have managed to make me find humor in everything. Because they decided to move across state lines to support my crazy self & be HERE
• for food. Cuz I'm a fatass and I eat like well, a fatass. So hey.
  Oh and the Good genes cuz they keep me looking good despite my fatass appetite
• Cell phones cuz we get to reach out to anyone, virtually anywhere; making the world smaller and larger at the same time
• Anything with chocolate, because it calms me when I'm about to have a meltdown
• Dreams & vision.
  because they help us transcend who we are and where we came from and empower us to reach for higher standards, deeper values, and help us realize the potential inside each and everyone of us.

Although I didn't get to hang out with the fam and eat consistently all day long, My mom brought me food :) and Jacobwannabe brought me food and hung out with me during my lunch break :D
And I'm going black friday shopping after i gets outta here :P

<3 much love y'all

-Jezz

Maybe GA is too small for my social circle...

.... or maybe I need to dye my hair a different shade now that I'm officially avoiding Jacob Wannabe once again
.... or maybe I need to stop hanging out with my bestie, who at 6'1 tall  (yes, barefoot!) is becoming a landmark to find me when I'm out.


So, remember the New Moon Premiere I was so happy about??
Yeah, about that...

Jacob Wannabe was there. With PB.
Que decirte!

He mentioned, in passing, that he was going to see the premiere, and I mentioned I was going too.
Before I get into any further detail, let me just say:
Jacob wannabe lives about an hour away from my side of town.
He goes to school about 1/2 away from where I go to school, which is also in my side of town.
PB goes to school 4 hours away from where I live.

So, that said; Can someone PLEASE explain to me WTF this dude and this chick were at THE SAME THEATER I went to?!?!?!
This is still rather baffling to me.
I spotted him in the line to get into the movie (which, I might add, went around the plaza where I went to see the movie) & I saw him again in the vending line, while waiting to get some popcorn.
My friends printed their tickets all together, and all had auditorium 7 on them... I printed mine at work, and it had auditorium 8 on it. We didn't think too much of it cuz, hell, it's the same movie in all the damn auditoriums anyway.
So my mind keeps wondering if I really did see him or not, or wtf, and we finally are able to enter the auditoriums to watch the movie, but hey, I can't sit with my friends cuz I have to go to 8, not 7; cuz 7 is sold out, even though there are over 50 empty seats in it.
I went to the box office with Babes, and we were told the same.... but I wasn't having none of that. Babes offered to swap his ticket at the box office in order for us to sit in 8; but that wasn't going to satisfy me either... so... Babes went in, took out CoccoSooz's ticket, and gave it to me, and I was in. Yayyyy!!
The movie was pretty awesome :) Not better than the book, but then again, when does that ever happen anyway?
I was, of course, going for Team Jacob :P even when I know Edward is the real thing. Taylor Lautner is well, delicious looking... to the point where my mom agrees with me on that (lol yeah, imagine THAT conversation); and Babes was rather resented cuz I like Taylor Lautner (the dude that plays Jacob) and he was a very obvious resemblance to Jacob wannabe (hence the name); but whatever.
I went home, all good, night's over yadda yadda yadda, I hit the bed, night night y'all.

Next day, I get a text from Jacob wannabe himself, telling me we were at the same theater and he saw me a couple times. I asked how he could be sure it was me... and he said he saw me with Soozi. Dammit (this is why I say she's becoming a landmark).
I asked why he didn't bother to come and say hi, and he explained that he was with PB. ( SO I WASN'T CRAZY AFTER ALL!) and that he didn't want her to get all upset and well, psycho.
I was a little curious... so I asked him what auditorium he was in.... he said 8, and that there was barely15-20 people in that one.
WELL DAMN!
I'll admit I spent about an hour laughing at the fact that my minor tantrum with Babes spared me a looong dramatic encounter with the evil creature that PB is.... Jesus works in magical, mysterious ways.
Anyhow y'all....
In sum, the movie was good, the ending was expected (if you've read the books anyway) but good nonetheless and I had fun; all of which is what really matters.

Til the next one folks
-Jezz

An update on the Jacob Wannabe Saga

This one is just a factual post, to keep the story rolling in with the develoments of the Jacob Wannabe Saga. It's a rather long story, so don't blame me for making it a bulleted list of the peak moments. and by peak I do not necesarily mean good.

• Monday: we hung out, he had brought me ice cream, my fave flavor, and we watched a movie.
• Tuesday: We cancel the skydiving plans for the weekend because of the Weekend weather forecast: rain, rain and more rain. We agree to hang out with the dominican crew, and some of his friends, and I agree to go to a stip club with them and one of the gf's of the guys. I still keep Sunday off from work, just to go the bday party with the fam.
• Wednesday: Jacob un-invites me from going to the bday party the family is having for him, because PB is going to be there. His justification explanation? "Well, the rest of the dominican crew isn't gonna stay there, they're just passing by, so I don't want you to feel awkward with me and PB and my brother... besides, you're gonna be at work anyway, right?" about that...
• Thursday: My mom tells me how Jacob's mom called to invite us to the official bday party to which I was un-invited. Needless to say, I had to explain to my mom why I wasn't going, in as little detail as possible of course. She laughed a bit though. I take up my Sunday shift again. Shit, might as well make good use of my time.
• Midnight Thursday/ Friday early morning: I hang out with Pilot, Jacob's best friend (practically his brother), and the son of my mom's best friend here in ATL. He's a sweet heart. Out of desperation and boredom, he calls me to hang out with him after I get off from work. We watched some movies, ate a midnight snack and just talked about relationships, exes, friends, and of course, Jacob. Considering Pilot has dated some of Jacob's exes (kinda nasty but hey, whatever works, I suppose?) Jacob has always been rather paranoid about me and Pilot hanging out, even though we knew each other first. Pilot and I agree to not say anything about hanging out to Jacob, just to avoid the awkwardness.
• Friday: After not talking to Jacob since the un-invitation, he decides to nag me into talking, and I blow up and say some rather.... not nice things about how he is an emmasculated little bitch and his being bitch slapped by PB. His reply? "I knoooow.... I just don't want to deal with it... I mean, it's my birthday"... Suit yourself birthday boy.
• Saturday: There are several parts to this day, because we hung out alll day.
    -He picks me up, and we debate whether to stop and get food. We decide not to because he doesn't have his debit card. PB has it because she coerced him into paying some vet bills for her dog. WTF man?! I asked him to just not say her name... and then we call her She-who-shall-not-be-named. fml.
    -We go to Pilot's house. Jacob, Pilot, Dumdum (another one of the dominican guys) and me drive 30 minutes to an airport to pick up some stuff Pilot needs. On the way there, I just sketch. I was insanely out of it... Twilight zone, lala land, seemingly high-on-drugs-staring-into-space out of it. Pilot was worried it was because of Thursday, but I later told him it wasn't. Jacob avoided the subject
    -We're eating lunch, and PB sends him an email about why she's upset because he's decided to go to a strip club. He starts reading the email out loud and I leave the table cuz I'm pissed he keeps bringing her up. I get back to the table, and they sorta keep talking about it... by now we're calling her Voldemort. (yeah, I know, kinda funny, but still not cool).
    -We're back at Pilot's house. His phone is dying, so I let him borrow my charger. He dissapears for 2 1/2 hours to talk to PB while using my charger. I hang out with Pilot and avoid talking about the whole deal.
    -Jacob reappears, pissed like a MF, ready to break shit. There was rage in his eyes. The guys (Pilot and Dumdum) get him to sit and chill for a minute. I sit and just listen cuz it was a guy moment. Apparently, she gave him an ultimatum: "Come and see me, or go to the strip club and forget I exist". When he said he was going anyway, she changed it to: "Ok, go to the strip club; but come and see me first". Nevermind the 2 hour drive involved in that. He said he wouldn't. We head out to meet Jacob's friends. He catches me on my own, and apologize repeatedly about the whole thing.
    -We meet up with Jacob's friends,BlackWhite guy and is gf, American Kate Winslett and they're happy as ever to see me. Apparently, they thought they would never again hear from me, after the PB issues (shit, I should've proved them right on their assumptions). We head out to the strip club. He texts her the whooole way there.
    -He turns off his phone and we go in. Even though there were 3 table dances on his table (me and American Kate Winslett sit at another table next to them), he kept looking at me, and talking to me, and cracking jokes. I thought it was funny as hell to see the guys faces... I laughed the whole time we were there.
    -We leave the strip club. I'm falling asleep, and he starts playing with my hair... and kisses my forehead, and cradles me in his arm... but then then turns his phone back on, and starts texting PB again. I push his hand away and give him an evil look.
    -We get to Pilot's house, and hang out for a bit. Jacob is still texting. His voice is all deep and sad and just tired. We decide to leave.
    -Jacob drops me off, and apologizes again... He keeps nagging me to say whats on my mind, and I give him a piece of it. I call him out on being a jerk, sending mixed signals, being deceiving, driving me crazy, talking about PB all the damn time, and then wanting to be all lovey-dovey with me and flirt with me in front of the family. He looks so depressed, I decide to be nice and give him a hug. He tells me he'll call when he gets home.
    -He calls. He apparently stopped by PB's house on his way home (under a death threat, yet again). He says he called her out on her bs... but honestly... I don't believe it. He keeps apologizing. I feel sorry for him, and sad cuz I got caught up in this bs, when it was the last thing I wanted to do.
• Sunday: You'd think that with all that happened, PB would NOT be invited... but she is. However, Jacob calls me first thing in the morning, and keeps telling me how he doesn't even want to be there around her. He asks me to hang out with him tomorrow afternoon, and I say ok (I know, I shouldn't have... but oh well). Later on, we have to cancel because he has an exam to study for and I have a poject to work on; but we take a rain check for Wednesday.
• Monday: I spend the day with my besties, Cocco Sooz and Babes.We cook lasagna and bake brownies, and just hang out all day. Jacob texts all day, and begs me to save him a brownie. I did... but then I ate it :) He calls to say good night, and I'm randomly puzzled, happy and concerned all at once. He also tells me how PB expects him to pay all her dog's vet bills with his birthday money. Well damn. I just limit myself to telling him he's gonna have to man up and get his balls back... cuz seriously.
• Tuesday: Jacob texts during the day, and keeps telling he he can't wait til tomorrow. He calls at 12:05 (He knows I get off work at 12:00) and tells me about his day. He also tries to casually throw in the fact that PB is well, psycho (like I didn't know that already). He tells me how she went through his fb page and saw that I posted HBD on his wall, and decided to go bzerk... uhm.... okkkayyy... and he also adds that she was gonna write a bunch of bs on my wall, but he convinced her not to... so she just deleted me from his friends. Ok seriously, WTF!!!!

Ok y'all... this was originally meant to be a short post, but I suppose it became rather extensive... so yeah... reading over it, I realize how AWFUL Jacob sounds on paper, and how much of an idiot I'm acting, but oh well... I'll just say I'm doing it for the story, for the sake of my Jacob Wannabe blog posts.
Feel free to try to smack some common sense into my mind with an rude comment. I'll take a couple of those in hopes that it'll actually work. I'm dead serious.

Catch ya later folks.

-Jezzuka

My Besties for life

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

Cocco Sooz.
My bestie, my bff, my big sista :)
ma crazy B
my fashion adviser
my relationship critic
my accomplice in random adventures
my biggest instigator and encourager

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Babes <3
My best friend. The gamer. Chewie.
whom I always underestimate
who knows be better than I give him credit for
who would follow me to the ends of the earth
my self-appointed biggest protector
my playlist man

"Friendship that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannot congeal in winter."
- James Fenimore Cooper

Random- Alphabet survey! :P

A
- Available: what?
- Age: 20 and months... (God! how much longer til 21?!)
- Annoyance: stalling and dancing around a subject
- Animal: Dog and fish
- Actor: Channing Tatum.. El tipo ta bueno... como le da su gana. nuff said.
-Actress: IDk, but I"d say Charlize Theron and Eva Mendes... Might change my mind on that

B
- Beer: Miller & Presidente (la mejor cerveza, el verdadero sabor! ... lol)
- Birthday/Birthplace: November 5th, NY, NY
- Best Friends: SooziQ, Babes, Claudia, Hass :)
- Best feeling in the world: SLEEP!! and a good night out
- Blind or Deaf: rather be deaf lol...
- Best weather: Bright sunny days :)
- Been in Love: who hasn't?!
- Been on stage?: yeah... kinda love it there
- Believe in yourself? : yeah, not that I'm life delusional or anything, but I'm sorta awesome :P
- Believe in life on other planets: yeah... I'm not self- centered and stupid enough to believe that humans are the most intelligent form of life in this universe, I mean, seriously? SERIOUSLY? lol
- Believe in miracles: yeah, but they're rare
- Believe in Magic: Nahh not even
- Believe in God: Yes I do!
- Believe in Satan: Yeha, it's not like we can all be good and decent, ya know?
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: Nahhh... dude that must've been some really bad crack!
- Believe in Evolution: Seriously? Na, not even... I am not a monkey!

C
- Car: 2008 Ford Mustang GT... anyone who knows me will kow I drool a the sight of this car. If only... *Deep sigh*
- Candy: Reeses, Kit Kat, caramel popcorn and BROWNIES!
- Color: to wear, black & white. for everything else? purple
- Cried in school: yeahhhh
- Chocolate/Vanilla: ChoCoLaTe
- Chinese/Mexican: this is just a fukttup question... next!!
- Country to visit: Egypt, France, Japan, Greece, Tahiti

D
- Day or Night: NIGHT!
- Dream vehicle: 2008 Ford Mustang GT. Feel free to donate one to me at anytime :)
- Danced: last friday
- Dance in the rain: lol like a month ago, while I was waiting for the bus with no umbrella

E
- Eggs: When fried. over easy with crispy edges. When scrambled, with cilantro and tomatoes
- Eyes: mine are chocolaty brown, but I drool for hazel eyes
- Everyone has a: heart. No seriously, you can't live without a heart!

F
- First crush: ay padre... Hugo Tavarez, 5th grade I think... damn... long long long ago!
- Full name: Jessica Antonia Aybar Hernandez
- First thoughts waking up: Damn what time is it?!?!
- Food: delicious!!!

G
- Greatest Fear: failure and disappointing those who believe in me
- Giver or taker: uhm... wrong wording to that question.. pue si...
- Goals: To travel the world
- Gum: Strawberry trident
- Get along with your parents?: yeah sorta... My mom is like awesome. lol
- Good luck charm: Diamond and Onyx ring from my grandma :)

H
- Hair Color: same color as always, Mahogany brown
- Height: 5'7 I think
- Happy: on good days
- Holiday: New Year's day... My brother's bday!
- Health freak? Naah.. I like healthy food, but do I make a conscious decision to exclusively eat that? hella nah!
- Hate: cronically messy people who invade my personal space with their mess. Meaning my little brother's toys all over my bed. NO. NOT NICE! oh, and people who don't close doors after themselves.

I
- Ice Cream: Chocolate, Brownie and Dulce de Leche
- Instrument: I play piano, but I love violin and chello

J
- Jewelry: earings, and rings. Always.
- Job: Customer Service Rep... be nice people. Not all of us are assholes, ya know?! Some of us try to help y'all!

K
- Kids: are cute to have when they are approximately 4-9 months... after that, not even
- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing. It's my next great adventure.
- Keep a journal?: yeah, on and off for a while now

L
- Longest Car Ride: On the road from Santo Domingo to Samana... omg it felt like forever
- Love: is tricky, confusing, overwhelming, and beautiful. I loves: chocolate, piano, chello, cookies and Mustangs :)
- Letter: J of course! on the other hand, I do write letters occasionally... particularly to babes cuz we can't quite talk like normal people.
- Laughed so hard you cried: the day I fell off the bed while trying to mock babes... a good 3 hours laughing at my stupidity.. lol

M
- Milk flavor: Chocolateee!
- Movie: anything but horror movies... they creep me out... so I only watch them when I'm not alone
- Marriage: not a subject I openly discuss. EVER. See my previous post on marriage.


N
- Number of Siblings: 2... my brothers!
- Number of Piercings: 2.. at one point I had a belly right, but that faded fast... lol
- Number: 5, 11

O
- Overused Phrases: nah not even, STFU!, W/E! and ehhh y entonce?!
- One wish: "May the happiness of others lives be enough to overshadow the sorrows of my own"
- One phobia: not being able to breathe
- Perfect Pizza: tomatoes and cilantro. Sometimes with mushrooms
- Pepsi/Coke: Coca Cola :)

R
- Reason to cry: despair, helplessness, aggravation
- Reality T.V.: The Amazing Race, and The biggest loser
- Radio Station: Q100 Atlanta!! lol

S
- Shoe size: 7 1/2- 8
- Sushi: tried it for the 1st time on my last birthday with friends... hooked ever since.
- Skipped school: frequently... wait not, I'm not supposed to admit that.. damn
- Slept outside: haha yeah, me and Soozi were stranded for a night in NYC... lol
- Seen a dead body?: not even
- Smoked?: every once in a while, but never on a regular.
- Skinny dipped?: nahh never
- Shower daily?: yeaahhhh
- Sing well?: I like to think so
- In the shower?: nah, not even
- Swear?: yeah, like most of humanity
- Stuffed Animals?: love me some.... specially Asher :)
-Single/Group dates: single dates are more personal, but group dates are random and hilarious

T
- Thunderstorms: means lots of rain which means my happy ass will be asleep in 3.5 minutes. :)
- TV: don't watch much, but SNL is the shizznit
- Unpredictable: my mom. LOL.

V-
-Vegetable you hate: CARROTS! I hate them with a passion!
- Vegetable you love: brocolli :) (yeah I know I'm like weird n stuff)

W
- Weakness: chocoolateee!
- Who makes you laugh the most: my BFF's
- Wanted to be a model?: nahh that's all Soozi
- Worst weather: cold cold cold winter days :( It aggravates me.

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: my favorite color growing up. My room was yellow when I lived in DR.

Z
- Zoo animal: Tigers.... rawr :)
- Zodiac sign: Scorpio

So far in 09...

I'm at home, burning cd's into my pc, bored with life, pondering on the events of last month. Shit is crazy. Life is just crazy all around in 09. (o_0)

• New Year's- Party at Donna's, going to H.aS.'s house, going to Loca Luna, falling asleep til the next day!, then going home and getting dressed for work... getting to work and falling asleep (LOL)
• My Valentine's day Date with H.a.S., and my present, and dinner, and Loca Luna with my friends
• my dad moving to Hamburg,Germany;
• My relationship with H.aS., and all the issues that came up
  
• my parent's incessant drama among themselves,
• dropping my GPA to 1.37
• Working with Ms. Shay (my academic advisor) and bringing my GPA back up to 2.67 in a single quarter (I'm going to get it back up to 3.5 by next quarter, just you watch!),
• longing for warmer days,
• Ally J announcing she's coming over in June/July,
• dealing with mom & dad's reaction to my relationship with H.a.S.
• trying to figure out wtf i'm supposed to be doing
• dealing with babes and how our relationship changed,
• finding out about he and CoccoSooz moving out here and going to AIU,
• H.a.S losing his grandfather,
• my tax return and having enough money to buy a car :D
• the tumultous way babes and CoccoSooz arrived in GA, H.a.S and babes actually meeting (akward!) and the rescue mission to Lavonia, GA
• going thru orientation, getting them (babes and CoccoSooz) set up in their dorms, getting registered for class,
• changing my routine, going over to their dorms every other day, chilling, hanging out
• feeling caught between babes and H.a.S., trying to divide my affection and attention between the two,
• the incident between H.a.S. and babes the night after the club (o_O)
• deciding that they are NOT going to hang out together, ever
• trying to balance out my time evenly
• realizing my life is a friggin mess, and taking time to get myself together slowly,
  
• deciding not to buy a car just yet, much to my disdain
• the Blogger conference in Chicago in June
  
• my aunt losing her father,
• dealing with work and all it's incessant changes,
• mom reading my blog, and all my drafts and flipping the f! out ( ay yikes... :S)
• ALLERGY SEASON being back and me being miserable and sleepy,
• dealing with Dr K and her lisp (rawr), and getting a B on my 1st paper :D (told y'all I'm getting that GPA up)
• getting bangs on my hair and having everyone tell me I look like a child (wtf?!)
  
• convincing mom about me going to Chicago for the blogger conference (after the incident with her reading my drafts)
  
• Sabrina, Chris and Joey coming down from NY, trying to fit in and still be nice

Somewhere after the combumction of events that have occurred in the last months, I've managed to get some sort of peace of mind and order...
I still have like a million bzillion things I need to get together, but for now, things look pretty hopeful.
Some things still worry me. I still feel like I'm working with a ticking bomb, and that before I know it everything will blow up in my face, but at least I have my own little version of a support group going on.
I'm a tab jealous that soozi's been here for like 2 weeks and she's hanging out with celebrities? (uhhh wtf b?!) but I know good and damn well that she just manages her way around people like that (lol)
Oh, and work is still a biatch. I admit I'm still there for all the wrong reasons: the money, the schedule flexibility, the hours (even though that's also part of the reason I want to leave), the prestige, oh Lordie!

Anyhow, it is now 1 pm and my sorry bum needs to get ready for work :/
I'd promise to blog more oftern buuuuttt...
Idk what's 09 has in store for me in the next month... I swear I can feel something brewing already...
anyway,
catch ya latta chumps.

Looong Weekend

I have to admit this weekend has been nothing short of surreal...
I am at a point where I feel like I stepped into the Twilight Zone (and after hearing soozi talk repeatedly about Twilight, who would'nt?!)
There is just SOOO MUCH TO SAY, I don't even know where to begin.
I also have a whole crazy lot of emotions going on around my head and my heart, which make things aot more difficult. I want to be honest and fair though, so I'll give myself some time to put things together and make my words cohesive and coherent...
but damn... so much in so little time!

Homesick for DR

random links to pics of the city of Santo Domingo... I'm homesick today :\


http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showthread.php?t=456562&page=5

http://static.panoramio.com/photos/original/113247.jpg

http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showthread.php?t=456562&page=6

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Santo_Domingo_15.jpg

"Song for a broken heart" - A Static Lullaby

Take this for what it's worth, this song... my smile,

I write to you from hell my song leaving the foot against the gas and the wall that must have said your name,

Weaken you from nothing you can say can stop this now,

Would a noose replace his lips?


Can a song replace a broken heart? can a song replace a broken love? on the beach I remind myself that holding hands is so powerless,

Tonight I don't even have the stars to hold on to... paint this red... her picture will remain unbroken she cries tonight "i fall in love"...

White beach tear away with sand paper tonight I'm not alone... I just wanna get your f**king voice out of my head...