Past Poetry

This was written a while ago, about a year and a half. I was still dating babes and I was so confused and lost. I do think, that it's one of my most clear, coherent expressions of how I felt the last few months of our relationship.
Here's to sharing parts of me we never get to see.

Burn the edges of this faded photograph, you know we were never picture perfect.
Pose a minute, try to laugh; could we ever postpone this
cataclysmic demise
that cautiously covers every minute, every precious second of the history we share?

I'm afraid of out growing you, like a t-shirt worn one too many times
I'm afraid of letting up, and facing it all on my own
I'm scared to death of losing you, all I've really ever had

So why do I put my fingers to the flame?
Knowing for certain I'll get burned
I inch closer and closer, and decide to defy some more

The poetic memory of my heart is taken over, occupied
by sentimental things related to everything we've done before
the only one I could ever trust blindly
the only one i could ever adore

Twisted roads
our paths intertwine and mingle,
and at times I am lost as to
where you end and I begin
where you stop and I continue
where we are apart and where we meet.
you & I,
our endless possibilities
and yet I fear the change
my comfort zone is my niche
where everything fits perfectly,
and yet I push my luck,
I test the fire,
I swim dark water against strong currents
remind me
I can't let myself get carried away.

There will be better days ahead
but oh, this darkness looms around me
casting shadows and burdens,
weights on my shoulder that make it impossible for me to walk away
Could I ever give up on the impractical love story we carry?

We are not heroes but we are built to last

"We are not heroes, we are not saviors and we will never be exactly what you expect of us... what we are is a fucked up generation of losers built to last and struggle until we win "

-Babes

Are we all doomed, in some way or another, to be a failure? Are we in all honesty never meant to be up to par, up to level?
We all learn we cannot please everyone. We all come across the realization that we will unequivocally, at some point or another, be a disappointment to someone. Perhaps it will be for something that is beyond our control, perhaps it will be because of sheer selfishness and rebelion against others' judgment; but in all honesty perhaps it is truly because we are only human and we fail.
We are not heroes.
Last week, my co-worker said something I had forgotten:

"You are not Mother fucking Teresa. Learn to live with your limitations and understand that you have to say no at times; and that some of those times it will because you will need to put YOUR needs FIRST"

-E.F.

Well damn. If there's anything more powerful than freedom of choice, it's realization of power. I tend to forget I have both. I'll admit that life has been difficult for a while now, but damn, who would think life would bring us so far? We struggle, we look for more and more reasons to strive for, ways to subsist. We persist in our efforts despite heartaches and disappointments and loneliness and tribulation.

"Nunca es la noche mas oscura que cuando va a amanecer"

- Juan Bosch

This means, Never is the night darker than right before dawn. It goes back to the days I lived in DR and this was my mom's phrase of encouragement of choice. Words will never ever ever suffice to explain why she means THE WORLD and then some to me.
Back to the quote, it's meant to imply that the moment you feel all the walls crumbling down, you see the light... so keep the faith alive folks.
In truth, it's all we really have.

My Besties for life

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

Cocco Sooz.
My bestie, my bff, my big sista :)
ma crazy B
my fashion adviser
my relationship critic
my accomplice in random adventures
my biggest instigator and encourager

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Babes <3
My best friend. The gamer. Chewie.
whom I always underestimate
who knows be better than I give him credit for
who would follow me to the ends of the earth
my self-appointed biggest protector
my playlist man

"Friendship that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannot congeal in winter."
- James Fenimore Cooper