Ignorance is bliss.

This post is ridiculously overdue, and for that I apologize. Feels like all I do lately is apologize, but oh well.
 I have come to the conclusion that my life will be, inevitably, over dramatic regardless of what I do, but I'm moving on cause we already knew that.

In sum, life has gone a little something like this (just in January):

New Years, I was sick in bed, so I partied with my mom and ice cream and the Ball Drop in NYC in my Bed.

My grandparents left back to DR :(

Jacob WB discovered that his best friend, Pilot, went out with and slept with PB secretly last year, and they both had kept it a secret. Later on, when he tried to break up with her, she brought this up.
And thus, a player was played, and he turned into a mess of tears and insomnia.

On the 10th, there was an epic snow storm that had us locked in. I was "smart" enough to head over to a friend's house and got snowed in. We spent 3 days drinking, playing video games, watching movies, eating like crazy, making smores and all kinds of good stuff.
When I did head back home, my car skidded on the highway and did a 360 turn on ice... osea I was facing the direction I came from and cars were coming straight at me :/
Thank goodness nothing happened to me or my car or anyone else.
I got home and then spent 6 days stuck at home :( Icy roads sucks, btw.

I heard through the grape vine that a once very close friend of mine is now having twins... Idk what to say or think on that one, but I really do hope the best.

In an accident (well, okay, not so much accidental, but it was certainly not deliberate and intentional) mishap, I ended up in Babes fb inbox... and read a message that was most certainly not meant for me....Badass that I am, I saved a copy of it for myself, but I'm kinda regretting it, because I keep reading over it trying to find something that makes me feel better and I honestly only feel the opposite...

I brought it up and got a response of "She was just sad and I was trying to make her feel better. It's not anything like that...She's too young for anything, I saw her when she was little, we grew up together" etcetera, etcetera....
I really don't know what to believe anymore to be honest. I just dropped the conversation and moved on, but the truth is that I still keep thinking about the conversation I read - really, on the things that he wrote to her, if anything- it feels like shards of glass stabbed in my heart.... but oh well, that's life for ya....

The moral of this story folks is that ignorance is bliss. Treasure it. Secrets that are buried are buried, in part because the person who did it, in some shape or another does care enough to do so.
Sometimes, knowing nothing is better than knowing at all.

I'll leave you with the bits and pieces that keep haunting the back of my mind... draw your own conclusions if you will, and learn something if you can.

 December 23, 2010 at 10:12am 

I love you ( & I want you) and I hope everything works out. Bye!
P.S: txt me sometimes, I could never forget about you.

December 25, 2010 at 2:44pm

I hope your having a very merry christmas today princess and I hope Santa gave you all the things you really wanted! 

P.S: I was always a little nervous about this, but remember when you visited us in philly? Well I did want to kiss but I was so much older than you and didn't know how'd you react to it... I think i just should have done it...

You're funny and different from other girls and thats always a plus...

January 19 at 12:19am

I've always given advice when you really needed it and I'm not ever gonna stop, because I honestly care about you and worry when you're upset... I'm not tryin' to be a punk or nothin' but you're too beautiful to me to be frowning... That's just me

It pisses me off more to know that your being played with like game, Jesus, you're beautiful, funny, fun to be around plus you're Dominican, ain't no bitch out there that can touch you or come close... Nobody compares to you... If it was up to me I'd try to shower you with whatever you wanted and rub your feet till you felt better, but I'm so far that the only thing that would really reach you are my words. So please remember not all of us are cut from the same cloth... And I someday I wanna have the chance to show you what it is exactly that your looking for and to make you feel appreciated. Because I just can't stand to know that someone thinks of you only as a game...

... But, lord only knows that if I was the next man... I sorta felt like I had a chance one time before and missed out on it... Anyway, just know there IS someone one out there that see's you for the princess that you are, I was just to afraid to tell you when I could (please dont ask me why)...

Think about it like this, if you would. It's like watching "the Laura show" on t.v as much as I scream and yell at the screen you still end up getting hurt and I could've been the guy to save you, feel me? 

So, that one time we went to Allentown and chilled and had fun, I saw you differently, you were so alive and dancing and drinking and you were just being you! I was attracted instantly... But thinking about being "so much" older than you made think you wouldn't think of me in that way... Also it was the fact that I didn't want to feel like I was taking advantage of you. But with everything and everyone in the world going crazy around us, it wouldn't have been so crazy after all. Since then I've been kicking myself in the ass. Laura your one in a million and although it might seem funny to you at times, seriously, to this day it bugs me and then when I see what you go through in your day to day with these stupid-ass niggaz I really get upset...

January 19 at 1:37pm

I know it seems like it would be strange and im not asking you to do anything at all sweety! What I am saying is that I wouldn't mind giving us a shot if we had the chance and yes from a distance nothing can really be done. But the world is ever turning and if I remember correctly the time you did visit us in Philly you felt something just like I did we just didn't do much about it... But to be honest things are headed for a turn soon and you never know who's gonna be knocking on your door next, feel me? So just keep an open mind and remember I DO care about you Laura, when I look at you I see something more...

In which the recent developments explode and we're left wondering WTF

so... this post is slightly dramatic, and quite frankly  I don't really care.
In the last 3 weeks the following has occurred in the over-eventful life of Jezz:

My pc crashed days before my project was due... which of course was stored in my pc.
I was able to restore it, but now the tablet functions and the speakers don't work... at all.

My car broke down, and became undrivable... while I was in traffic gridlock... at 8 am... on my way to school... and I was scared out of my wits.
I managed to make it to the repair shop, and then they quoted $547.00 to fix it.
Haha.
I left the car there for like 2 days.
I went to a junk yard with a few friends, and bought the piece my car needed for $50.
I took th piece to the repair shop, and they started to fix it, but then they said they needed another part.
fml.

I went to work... only to find out that ... I no longer have a job.
I should say that I'm upset... but I'm not...
I was HAPPY.
How insane is that? With the economy and the fact that I've got bills to pay... well I have no idea what's gonna happen now, but I am SO! HAPPY! to be gone from that place after 2 1/2 years of that blank void!
But, what really sucks that I found this out AFTER pay $30 in a cab to get to work, since my car was at the shop.... I could use those $30 bucks right about now.

There were some program changes on my degree... and now there are some new required classes, which of course I haven't taken, and then to make matters worse, the one class I was forced to retake this quarter (because I failed it once, and then withdrew from it the time after) is NOT a required class after all, and of course I find this out AFTER I almost committed suicide several times which trying to force myself to do the hw. Yeah. Life's a bitch at times. Now instead of being eligible to graduate from my associates' in January, I'll have to endure another 2 quarters, and then be able to transfer schools by June. Which is fine I suppose. I mean, it's not like I've got other big things to keep me busy at the time, no job and all...


I'd say that is all, but when has Jezz's life not included some romantic life drama? hehe...Besides, I know you wanna know....

SO I went to one of the Dominican Crew's get-togethers.
This was a baaaad idea.
I planned to go in my car, and let mom go in hers... but she parked behind me and basically blocked me until I said I'd go with her... even though I literally begged her to let me drive my car over there... but fuck it, I went with mom.
We got there. Said hello to the usuals...
and then, of course, they were there.
I don't need to elaborate, do I? In case I do, I'll say it. Jacob & PB were there.
I wasn't mentally prepared for that.. . it was like NYE last year, all over again, except this time I looked like crap and she was on point, and I was also sick and tired from all the Other bs I've been dealing with.
I might add that, at this point, after I had a minor panic attack and reemerged from the bathroom with the reddest dace I've ever seen myself have, Mom felt bad, and said that she was sorry. But sorry was kinda late cause I was stuck there for the rest of the night, with no way of being able to leave.
The night went along, I felt kinda left out, but whatever, they disappeared to Pilot's room, and I just ate, and texted the night away.

A few days later, I got a few calls & msgs from the man himself, in which he said "That night totally sucked. I ended up going to Pilot's room & crying all night cuz I missed my dad. I wish I would've talked to you more, you always make me feel better."
uhm... whatever dude.

On some random good notes:
I have, at this point, managed to torrent the missing drivers on my computer, so there is a slight possibility that I *might* be able to get it back to where I miss having it. The computer, that is. Ha. I'm hoping that once I restart it, the drivers will work and I'll be able to listen to music and play PvZ with my pen and kick some zombie ass.

I got my car back, and it's working fine. It makes a weird squeaking noise though.

I have registered for classes again, and thank goodness, I get some graphic design classes (Computer Design II, Fundamentals of Color and VCD Lab Instructions)  mixed in with the missing business ones I've got to take (Microeconomics, Macroeconomics and Principles of Accounting, if you must know)

I have more free time than I can manage... I'm bored outta my mind! I've cleaned the car, done all the laundry and the housework and done some Xmas shopping with what little I have in savings (yes, I was semi-smart about saving. Thank Goodness!) and been to Borders and Barnes & Noble this week more times than I had in the last 3 months... so... here I am....
I'm hoping that it doesn't snow here, cause that would totally suck, however it seems very likely in the near future. Oh well.

and that, dear friends, are the recent developments in Jezz Land.

love ya's all around.

-Jezz

Antother one comes & goes....

So another year comes & goes, I have to say that even at this point, you manage to amuse, bewilder and exacerbate me beyond words.
Friday was my birthday and I was a total grouch. I was mean, and feisty, like a spoiled brat, I'd say borderline two-year-old-in-a-tantrum. And even though I know better, I still believe that I had the right to be that way cause It's my party and I cry if I want to, so there.
However, I gotta hand it to you... You must either really love me or I've got you chained or something, cuz
the things you did to make me smile, the ensuing attitude I dished out, along with the relentless amount of smart ass sass I threw all over the place were not even remotely deserving of the selfless way you chose to make me happy....
But you did. And you did it anyway.
Most importantly for some reason I can't yet quite comprehend, you do it to make me happy, and make ME smile, and make me feel like I'm the greatest thing since slice bread and coca-cola.
You even managed to throw in a compliment that threw me off completely:

"You're too pretty to be so apologetic about yourself"

You have made me the happiest person over and over... even if in between I've gone insane & bzerk on you.

Today it's YOUR birthday, and despite everything I've tried planning for you, you still have a grouchy face and groan slips your lips... You're not happy that you're older, and I can understand why.

But the truth is, I celebrate today, not to drive you insane and annoy the heck outta you (which I have been proudly doing since 2001) and certainly not to try to cheer you up (because I know you hate it when I succeed at that) but really because I'm happy you are you, and you are here, and that you and I are us, and we celebrate life every other day of the year.

I'm annoyingly buying your bday present -which I already know you will love- and I'm cooking your favorite food and I'm baking your favorite cake because in my heart it's one of the few ways I can really get to show you that I'm REALLY happy you're around and we wreck havoc together on everyday life, cause I can look to the side and see you there and know you're my pohtna ;)

Te quiero mi cielo bello & happy birthday...
you old grouch.  xD ♥

much love to everyone else!
I know the updates are overdue but they're coming soon, promise! I'll even post a pic or two :P

-Jezz