Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Ignorance is bliss.

This post is ridiculously overdue, and for that I apologize. Feels like all I do lately is apologize, but oh well.
 I have come to the conclusion that my life will be, inevitably, over dramatic regardless of what I do, but I'm moving on cause we already knew that.

In sum, life has gone a little something like this (just in January):

New Years, I was sick in bed, so I partied with my mom and ice cream and the Ball Drop in NYC in my Bed.

My grandparents left back to DR :(

Jacob WB discovered that his best friend, Pilot, went out with and slept with PB secretly last year, and they both had kept it a secret. Later on, when he tried to break up with her, she brought this up.
And thus, a player was played, and he turned into a mess of tears and insomnia.

On the 10th, there was an epic snow storm that had us locked in. I was "smart" enough to head over to a friend's house and got snowed in. We spent 3 days drinking, playing video games, watching movies, eating like crazy, making smores and all kinds of good stuff.
When I did head back home, my car skidded on the highway and did a 360 turn on ice... osea I was facing the direction I came from and cars were coming straight at me :/
Thank goodness nothing happened to me or my car or anyone else.
I got home and then spent 6 days stuck at home :( Icy roads sucks, btw.

I heard through the grape vine that a once very close friend of mine is now having twins... Idk what to say or think on that one, but I really do hope the best.

In an accident (well, okay, not so much accidental, but it was certainly not deliberate and intentional) mishap, I ended up in Babes fb inbox... and read a message that was most certainly not meant for me....Badass that I am, I saved a copy of it for myself, but I'm kinda regretting it, because I keep reading over it trying to find something that makes me feel better and I honestly only feel the opposite...

I brought it up and got a response of "She was just sad and I was trying to make her feel better. It's not anything like that...She's too young for anything, I saw her when she was little, we grew up together" etcetera, etcetera....
I really don't know what to believe anymore to be honest. I just dropped the conversation and moved on, but the truth is that I still keep thinking about the conversation I read - really, on the things that he wrote to her, if anything- it feels like shards of glass stabbed in my heart.... but oh well, that's life for ya....

The moral of this story folks is that ignorance is bliss. Treasure it. Secrets that are buried are buried, in part because the person who did it, in some shape or another does care enough to do so.
Sometimes, knowing nothing is better than knowing at all.

I'll leave you with the bits and pieces that keep haunting the back of my mind... draw your own conclusions if you will, and learn something if you can.

 December 23, 2010 at 10:12am 
I love you ( & I want you) and I hope everything works out. Bye!
P.S: txt me sometimes, I could never forget about you.

December 25, 2010 at 2:44pm

I hope your having a very merry christmas today princess and I hope Santa gave you all the things you really wanted! 
P.S: I was always a little nervous about this, but remember when you visited us in philly? Well I did want to kiss but I was so much older than you and didn't know how'd you react to it... I think i just should have done it...
You're funny and different from other girls and thats always a plus...

January 19 at 12:19am

I've always given advice when you really needed it and I'm not ever gonna stop, because I honestly care about you and worry when you're upset... I'm not tryin' to be a punk or nothin' but you're too beautiful to me to be frowning... That's just me

It pisses me off more to know that your being played with like game, Jesus, you're beautiful, funny, fun to be around plus you're Dominican, ain't no bitch out there that can touch you or come close... Nobody compares to you... If it was up to me I'd try to shower you with whatever you wanted and rub your feet till you felt better, but I'm so far that the only thing that would really reach you are my words. So please remember not all of us are cut from the same cloth... And I someday I wanna have the chance to show you what it is exactly that your looking for and to make you feel appreciated. Because I just can't stand to know that someone thinks of you only as a game...

... But, lord only knows that if I was the next man... I sorta felt like I had a chance one time before and missed out on it... Anyway, just know there IS someone one out there that see's you for the princess that you are, I was just to afraid to tell you when I could (please dont ask me why)...

Think about it like this, if you would. It's like watching "the Laura show" on t.v as much as I scream and yell at the screen you still end up getting hurt and I could've been the guy to save you, feel me? 

So, that one time we went to Allentown and chilled and had fun, I saw you differently, you were so alive and dancing and drinking and you were just being you! I was attracted instantly... But thinking about being "so much" older than you made think you wouldn't think of me in that way... Also it was the fact that I didn't want to feel like I was taking advantage of you. But with everything and everyone in the world going crazy around us, it wouldn't have been so crazy after all. Since then I've been kicking myself in the ass. Laura your one in a million and although it might seem funny to you at times, seriously, to this day it bugs me and then when I see what you go through in your day to day with these stupid-ass niggaz I really get upset...

January 19 at 1:37pm
I know it seems like it would be strange and im not asking you to do anything at all sweety! What I am saying is that I wouldn't mind giving us a shot if we had the chance and yes from a distance nothing can really be done. But the world is ever turning and if I remember correctly the time you did visit us in Philly you felt something just like I did we just didn't do much about it... But to be honest things are headed for a turn soon and you never know who's gonna be knocking on your door next, feel me? So just keep an open mind and remember I DO care about you Laura, when I look at you I see something more...