Bike dude

Dear Bike dude,

I don't know your name.
Let's start at the fact that we rode the same bus and the same train
 for over a year and even though we never spoke, we were both fully aware of each others presence. I say this because, well, you'd race me to the door and up the stairs every time we'd get to the station. I always hated that, bike and everything, there would be times you'd beat me to the train, however I'll admit that this unspoken competition was, a couple times, the highlight of my day, and for that, I pay tribute to it on this post.
One of the last time I saw you, a couple of months back, I took a candid picture of you. kind of stalker-ish, I know, but in all honesty, not ill- intentioned. I just wanted a memory.
Nowadays, I take an earlier bus, to catch my torturous 8am class, to which I am always 15 minutes late, and I never see you. I did, recently though, decide to skip the 8am class and ended up taking a later bus. I wondered if I would see you, and I did. And although we don't talk, the competition was on and running again.
It's these little things that make life worth living. ♥.
I don't know if or when I'll see you again; and for that matter, I don't know if we'll ever talk, but it's been a good competition.

-Jezz

THE playlist- 5 years and counting

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

5 years in a playlist Current mood:  mellow The soundtrack to a never ending story 5 years in the making and i know that only you will understand it... "kryptonyte" three doors down "stupid girl" cold "white flag" dido "hollow life" korn "ape dos mil" glassjaw "understanding in a car crash" thursday "box of sharp objects" the used "mu empire" glassjaw "mascara" deftones "digital bath" deftones "a certain shade of green" incubus "epiphany" stained "losing my religion" rem "as you sleep" something corporate "here without you" three doors down "be quiet and drive" deftones "unaffected" hoobastank "the end of the world" the cure "alt.end" the cure "goodye for now" P.O.D. "goodye to you" the used "I miss you" blink182 "yesterday thru everything at me" athlete "letters to you" finch "seven years" saosin "bury your head" saosin "right here waiting" stained "slowburn" revelation theory "autumn's monologue" from autumn to ashes "lucky you" deftones "we're all theives" circa survive "where'd you go?" fort minor "handshakes at sunrise" circa survive "saving me" nickelback "seventeen" red jumpsuit apparatus "thru the glass" stonesour "everything changes" stained "anti gravity love song" incubus "wish you were here" incubus "standing on the edge of summer" thursday "rough hands" alexisonfire "where no one knows" alexisonfire "we're in this together" nine inch nails "boiled frogs"alexisonfire "forever" papa roach "dig" incubus "stars" hellyeah

This was a while back. WAAY back in a different lifetime it almost seems. A helluva lot has changed since, and I'll admit I haven't listened to the playlist since almost the time I published it... until this weekend.

I fell asleep watching a movie with Babes, as usual. Instead of finishing the movie, as he normally does, he put on the playlist and slept next to me. 

I woke up crying and confused. I mean damn. Even in my sleep, at an unconscious level, my affection for Babes is there.

Puzzled, he looked at me like I came from another planet, trying to figure out wtf had me sobbing. He held me and I cried, and I cried, and I cried, and to be honest, even at this point I have no friggin idea why I burst into tears.

His opinion is that I, ever so reluctant to talk about feelings in general, let alone my own, with another living person, keep too many things bottled up inside me... and well, they eventually come out, one way or another.

My thought on it is that, in a way, I really miss what we had and how we were. I say this because I know, in my heart of hearts, that even if we were to try things again, it wouldn't be the same. Not because we wouldn't be trying, but because we're both in very very different situations and circumstances in our lives, and the love I once had for him: devoted, unconditional, blind and naive; is now gone. My love isn't a love of innocence and illusion. It's tough love.
Maybe that's what we both need right now. Maybe that's what make real love work in real life, I don't know.
But the tears from that day were tears of longing for its return. Maybe in time we'll both be able to reach a point where we're willing to try to work things out... for  now, all we can do is hope and take one day at a time!

Later folks

-Jezz ♥

My Besties for life

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

Cocco Sooz.
My bestie, my bff, my big sista :)
ma crazy B
my fashion adviser
my relationship critic
my accomplice in random adventures
my biggest instigator and encourager

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Babes <3
My best friend. The gamer. Chewie.
whom I always underestimate
who knows be better than I give him credit for
who would follow me to the ends of the earth
my self-appointed biggest protector
my playlist man

"Friendship that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannot congeal in winter."
- James Fenimore Cooper

A night with my girls

So Wednesday night we had an impromptu sleepover.
We means, me and my girls: G, Betty and Pao.
I think I have actually yet to mention them on my blog. Ha. Funny.
Well here is a brief description of my GA partners in crime:

G (aka Gema): 20, Ecuadorian, Political Science Major. She's a trip. Funny and astoundingly smart, this girl has a passion for intelligence and wit. She refuses to be anything close to human and embracing emotions. For the longest time ( well most of the almost 2 years I've known her, actually) were strictly forbidden from using the term as friends: We were merely co-workers (yeah that's how we all met, we worked together in ST. Go figure). Mind you were spent most of the summer hanging out and we went to New York together as a group last march, but I guess that didn't really count. So apparently, absence does make the heart grow fonder cause since I've changed jobs last July we haven't seen each other on regular frequency, even thought she lives within a 3 mile radius from my house. And as of yesterday we have all ( Betty, Pao and I) gotten a promotion: we're officially G's friends. Haha. Guess we grew on her. lol.
Ohh and she's friends with my mom, who does happen to be one of her supervisors. Go figure. They'll tell me how great and smart, and open-minded my mom is. Ha. If only she'd apply the same work principles to motherhood!

Pao, Betty, me, and G
Club Groove, NYC

Betty (aka Berta): 22, Mexican. Betty's our older little sister. She has a thing for ketchup. She eats EVERYTHING with ketchup, and it's not in small quantities. She is a little spoiled at times, but always on a good mood. Oh, and she can't pronounce the ch sound. This isn't too bad in English but it's hilarious in Spanish cause she can't even say her hometown's name right: it comes out like Shiwawwah instead of Chihuahua. :D and I crack up when I hear her say mushasho too. But, that said, she's a determined, outgoing one.

JL (my bro), Betty, Pao, G, and I

Pao (aka Paola, Paolation) : 21, Peruvian, Psychology Major. The nickname Paolation came from my mom... and then Pao started calling me Jessication (ughh!). She's the somewhat shier one, but she's the scatter-brained one that has all the random jokes, like "X?!" (the South American version of WTF?!). She and Betty are practically sisters. She has an adorable black lab named Reggie, who I think is kinda crazy but adorable nonetheless. She kept calling me Teffy, her BFF whom isn't quite part of the group because a) she's a UGA student and it all the way out in Athens, b) is a little TOO straight-laced and stuck up for my patience, so c) I don't like her all too much. (Nothing personal Teffy), but now she calls me Erica from time to time, even thought I have no frigging idea of who's Erica. She has the attention span of a 5 year old, but she's fantabulously awesome. And our taste in music is eerily alike.

Betty, Me, G, Pao, Teffy and Ana
Sex & the City movie premiere

Ana (aka AnaMaria): 26-ish (I think!), Colombian, Law school graduate, currently working on her Masters degree in Sweden. This one is an honorary mention. As you already know, my headquarters are in GA, so I don't see much of Ana these days. She was our mentor/mother/older sister/ bad influence/ inspiration/ everything in between. In many ways, she's G's ideal: strong, determined, driven, self-reliant and motivated. She had it all. I guess that's the reason she's in Sweden now, she just keeps moving forward, looking for her next big thing, next great adventure. I gotta say that's one of the things that most inspires me about her, she never lets anything get in the way to what she wants and where she's going. Anyhow, like I said, she's in Sweden, so I guess my next great adventure will be to visit her out there. lol.

Ana and I
Our 1st night @ Opera (Best clubbin night of my life!)

So, back to the original theme on this post.
We had a girl's night in. I hadn't had so much fun in a good while. We were at G's house, which is enormous, and we had too much alcohol, not that we thought that was a bad idea. After several hours of catching up, debating about cultural issues, discussing our regular gripes with parents, boyfriends, ex boyfriends, crushes, school, work, pros and cons of random things, and then dealt with pedicures and being drunk together.
It was a good time, except that I fell asleep in the home theatre room in the basement, and then Pao threw up on the carpet and (druken) Betty told her to take her pants off to clean up the mess and carried her to bed, and somewhere along the line G went upstairs too, and I was left asleep in the home theatre by my lonesome self. We all thought this was hilarious in the morning, but I admit that it was a little eerie when I woke up at 5:30 am wondering wtf happened and where was everybody. Lol. And Pao not remembering what happened to her pants and why she was sleeping in her underwear was priceless. She looked at Betty and said "OMG where are my pants?! I have no pants on!? What the hell?! Golo, where are my pants?!" and Betty just cracked up on her. I swear, her puzzled look was priceless.
Anyhow, that said, I gotta admit that friendship is an interesting thing. No matter how much time passes since the last time I've seen them, we fall back right into place. Feels good to know I have my own little niche in this world, away from the regularity of reality. Lol.

Catch ya laters... yeah, I gotta go and actually work. lol

-Jezz

G, Pao, Ana, Me and Betty

So far in 09...

I'm at home, burning cd's into my pc, bored with life, pondering on the events of last month. Shit is crazy. Life is just crazy all around in 09. (o_0)

• New Year's- Party at Donna's, going to H.aS.'s house, going to Loca Luna, falling asleep til the next day!, then going home and getting dressed for work... getting to work and falling asleep (LOL)
• My Valentine's day Date with H.a.S., and my present, and dinner, and Loca Luna with my friends
• my dad moving to Hamburg,Germany;
• My relationship with H.aS., and all the issues that came up
  
• my parent's incessant drama among themselves,
• dropping my GPA to 1.37
• Working with Ms. Shay (my academic advisor) and bringing my GPA back up to 2.67 in a single quarter (I'm going to get it back up to 3.5 by next quarter, just you watch!),
• longing for warmer days,
• Ally J announcing she's coming over in June/July,
• dealing with mom & dad's reaction to my relationship with H.a.S.
• trying to figure out wtf i'm supposed to be doing
• dealing with babes and how our relationship changed,
• finding out about he and CoccoSooz moving out here and going to AIU,
• H.a.S losing his grandfather,
• my tax return and having enough money to buy a car :D
• the tumultous way babes and CoccoSooz arrived in GA, H.a.S and babes actually meeting (akward!) and the rescue mission to Lavonia, GA
• going thru orientation, getting them (babes and CoccoSooz) set up in their dorms, getting registered for class,
• changing my routine, going over to their dorms every other day, chilling, hanging out
• feeling caught between babes and H.a.S., trying to divide my affection and attention between the two,
• the incident between H.a.S. and babes the night after the club (o_O)
• deciding that they are NOT going to hang out together, ever
• trying to balance out my time evenly
• realizing my life is a friggin mess, and taking time to get myself together slowly,
  
• deciding not to buy a car just yet, much to my disdain
• the Blogger conference in Chicago in June
  
• my aunt losing her father,
• dealing with work and all it's incessant changes,
• mom reading my blog, and all my drafts and flipping the f! out ( ay yikes... :S)
• ALLERGY SEASON being back and me being miserable and sleepy,
• dealing with Dr K and her lisp (rawr), and getting a B on my 1st paper :D (told y'all I'm getting that GPA up)
• getting bangs on my hair and having everyone tell me I look like a child (wtf?!)
  
• convincing mom about me going to Chicago for the blogger conference (after the incident with her reading my drafts)
  
• Sabrina, Chris and Joey coming down from NY, trying to fit in and still be nice

Somewhere after the combumction of events that have occurred in the last months, I've managed to get some sort of peace of mind and order...
I still have like a million bzillion things I need to get together, but for now, things look pretty hopeful.
Some things still worry me. I still feel like I'm working with a ticking bomb, and that before I know it everything will blow up in my face, but at least I have my own little version of a support group going on.
I'm a tab jealous that soozi's been here for like 2 weeks and she's hanging out with celebrities? (uhhh wtf b?!) but I know good and damn well that she just manages her way around people like that (lol)
Oh, and work is still a biatch. I admit I'm still there for all the wrong reasons: the money, the schedule flexibility, the hours (even though that's also part of the reason I want to leave), the prestige, oh Lordie!

Anyhow, it is now 1 pm and my sorry bum needs to get ready for work :/
I'd promise to blog more oftern buuuuttt...
Idk what's 09 has in store for me in the next month... I swear I can feel something brewing already...
anyway,
catch ya latta chumps.