Maybe I should just post this anyway?

So well,

I've been kinda MIA.

I'm back in class. HOORAY... not quite.
I'm taking business classes only :/ not too awesome.
But I mean, it's better than not, right?

I'm a quarter away from graduating with my associate's degree, and I have no fucking idea what I want to do. o_o
Completing my bachelors is the ONLY option, for sure
But at what? Graphic Design? Photography? Arts?
I was so sure of my choices a while back, but not quite so much anymore.
I've even gone so far as to question whether I want to take a completely different turn and go for Psychology (which was my original choice, way back when) or Marketing (which I've learned I enjoy plenty).
In the end... I know I'm sticking to arts though. It catches me every time.

In somewhat positive news... I have a new hard drive, after the catastrophic fail of my other one, I now have a bright yellow hard drive that makes me giggle every time I see it. Yellow was my favorite color as a kid, and even today, it makes me happy when I see yellow things :P
When my other hard drive crashed... it happened to be right after I had backed up ALL my older files: my school work, my pictures, my blog posts, my videos and movies, my music, my sheet music... EVERYTHANG.
I was able to go to the IT guy at my school and beg him to try to recover my files -which he did- and I'll be getting ALL -well most of it anyway- my stuff back tomorrow !!! major YAY! :D

I got a ticket about a month ago ... not cool. I "forgot" to mention to my mom... and it later turned out that, because my wonderful mother is on the insurance and I am under the age of 24, I HAVE to tell her and get her to show up to court. WTF!

Other than that, life has been pretty low key... uneventful even.
I'm not talking to Jacob Wannabe anymore, this time, even to my own surprise.
See, I figured out a few things about him.
Whenever we hang out, something BAD happens within the few days after.
Like effin clockwork. It's like Karma is punishing me for going back on my word and dealing with a person I have no business with, whatsoever.
However, even with that knowledge under my belt, I was still tempted to go hang out, and being treated like a princess even when I know the rest of the circumstances to this story. In which he is NO prince charming, I might add.
Now, this was something I learned the HARD way.
I REFUSE, with a passion, to be psychotic control freak maniac that must have everything done a certain way. Specially, in a relationship. Or whatever, cause this dramatic whatever was, most certainly not, a relationship.
You are grown, and you know what's right and what's wrong. You are responsible for your actions or lack-thereof. I'm not going to fuss and nag and be a bitch to get you to do what I want. I'll ask.
It's ENTIRELY up to you whether or not you decide to, and that's ok. You're your own person with your own mind and opinions and wants and needs.
However. In being this way, I was also letting Jacob basically get away with murder.I was letting him be his own person, and have his wants and need, even when it meant that in his quest to get whatever it was he wanted, he would mislead me and also mess with MY feelings.
SO.... I caved. I decided to do the one thing I know can drive a non-committed man insane in 2 seconds flat.
I started nagging and complaining, and then talking about my feelings.
Funny how it works like a fucking charm.
Whenever he would try to cross the line... I'd get all "Sensitive" and tell him he's "an asshole" and that "He hurts my feelings" and he's "breaking my heart" and then, for good measure, I'd add that he "doesn't love me or care for me" like he should.

and VOILA!
I was surprised how EASILY the change happened.
See, I thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be different, considering we were pretty close.
But the truth is, that these are, indeed, the true colors of the man: He didn't give a fuck.
So, when it came down fight or flight... He flew.


and so, for good this time, the Jacob Wannabe Saga has ended.
It's been 3 months strong.
Hoooray for me.


anyhow my loves, I'm gone.
Gotta get some work done, lest I should be fired.

Mucho love



-Jezz ♥

Part III: Looked over, not overlooked [The face to face encounter]

Well damn. In the last part of the story, I explained how Pilot and I were kinda caught in a compromising situation... and then forgot it ever happened.
After an unexpected call from Jacob Wannabe, the bickering is set aside and the search for the perfect red dress failed. However, that wouldn't deter me from my mission of looking like a million bucks at the NYE party and makin' ma momma proud of the genes she passed on.

Part III: Looked over, but not overlooked

After I had finally given up on my quest to convince my boss to let me leave early on New Year's eve.... I find out, I have pending Paid Time Off, that does NOT roll into the new year.

So I gotta just lose my hard worked paid time off?! Oh HELL no.

I throw a minor tantrum and rant about how I've been forced to work EVERY holiday this year and I have not complained, and how the company was not acting ethically by having the same people working on holidays when clearly, the same people were getting all the holidays off.

So, my PTO was used so I could leave early. Granted, they spread out the hours over 3 different day, but I was leaving early enough to get there before 12 so I didn't mind too much honestly.

The day comes around. I get to work with my after-work kit: dress, heels, necklace and make up, which mainly consisted of black mascara and red lipstick.

10:30 rolls around and I rush out to change and look like a million bucks, or as close as I can get in a bathroom stall at work. And SHIT. It worked alright. At this point, I didn't really know if the red lipstick would look good with everything else.... but once I had it on... Kaboom.

I had my own little Bow-chicka-bow-wow moment in the bathroom when I realized that, despite lacking the red dress, I had the badass bitch look on me and I was ready to rock it.

Make that boy regret his decisions was at the top of my list of final achievements for 2009.

I had worn my trench coat to work that day, which proved to be a good idea, since the black dress rather short and I kinda wanted to have a BANG moment when I decided to take off the coat.

I got there, but everyone was downstairs at that point, so no major coat moment.

I head down and... everyone is there... My heart starts skipping beats and my hands are shaking and my knees are weak... I mean.... I thought I could do this, but I start realizing there are some flaws in my plan. For one, everyone there has a date, and I'm the only one who's gonna be painstakingly single there... and as much as I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter, I was there by myself. An accomplice in my plan would have at least spared me the awkward moment in which I had to stand on my own cuz everyone else was making out with their respective date, if anything, by making conversation with me and providing comedic relief. But no. Here I was on my own at the verge of a stairway to hell and feeling my self-assurance plummet deeply and quickly. This was not good.

What kicked me out of my funk was...

...a gorilla suit.

Pilot's younger brother, whom we'll call Movie, had dressed up in a gorilla suit and danced around to a techno beat. As I was staring down at those damn stairs, he ran up, and, right by the door frame decided to hump my leg.

Yes. This is real life. I was relieved from a panic attack by a guy who humped my leg in a gorilla suit. Go friggin figure.

I get to the bottom of the stairs and just walk into the party, hoping that I don't have one of my fainting episodes and ruin the grand entrance, and well, fuck up my moment.

And there they were. First thing I saw in the room. Jacob and PB and everyone else.

You know how you can feel someone's eyes on you? Looking at you? I felt it alright.

She stared. He did a double take and then a look over. I looked at them both in the eye... and then laughed.

Because I'm a brave little solider, I battled on, and went straight to the back of the room in search for some liquid courage in the from of alcohol... but there was none. Water was the only other option at this point. As much as I had enjoyed the entrance, there was still the rest of the party to deal with and my hands were still shaking.

But on I went, and said hello to everyone, starting by the person next to Jacob and "failing to notice" that they were there.

I walked around a bit, got a lot of compliments and managed to ease my nerves a bit and just loosen up. I talked to some of my friends, danced a little, got ready for the ball dropping (we see it on the projector screen every year), and pretended to be cool by leaving the room every time I got a call, which happened 3 times.

I'll admit that I was watching to see if he was looking and his eye caught mine a couple times to which I just looked away.

I got my drink for the new years toast, huddled with my brother and braced myself for the arrival, but my brother scurried away when the countdown began and I stood there, unfortunately, behind the evil two on my own.

Except that, like all magical moments in life, in the last 10 seconds, my grandparents arrived and I was caught by the New Year hugging my gramps and feeling overjoyed.

Well damn.

That wasn't so bad after all. Sure as hell beat nagging my brother to kiss my cheek. lol.

We sing happy birthday for my brother, and who woudda thunk it, Jacob's mom, both of whose birthdays are January1st.

After that I left the room. I got a bunch of text messages at once and of course, I had a couple calls coming through.

By the time I came back downstairs, they had both left.

After that, my night was just fun. Danced a little. Laughed a lot. Ate like crazy. Chilled with the dominican crew. Talked with a couple friends. Made a few new ones.

But, that split second double take still lingered in my mind.

I was most certainly not over looked that night.

Don't miss the next part of the story, in which I explain The Star Wars movie night and hope that Ally doesn't want to kill me.

Catch y'all laterz

-Jezz

WTF!!! part 2- Behind every bitch there was once a nice girl who got screwed over

I don't even know where to begin this one...
To add insult to injury, the dude (Jacob wannabe) called me last night....
and I feel like an idiot for answering even though I knew better... even though I was with the girls and after the whole Secret Santa fiasco I was still pretty pissed, but I mean.... shiit... I still answered the phone and I feel like an idiot for it.

This is going to be a completely honest post.

Jacob Wannabe called from his home phone.
I answered. We started talking. He basically tells me how much he likes talking to me because I listen and don't judge... uhm... ok... (was he trying to convince himself or something?)
anyhow... he keeps rambling and rambling and eventually gets to the point.
He's calling to let me know he's very likely to go back to being "officially" back together with PB.... uhm... so... wow...
and this dude has the NERVE!! to tell me how even though alot of BS has passed, he still thinks I'm one of his closest friends, and keeps telling me how he never meant to let this happen and how I'm an amazing person....
can someone please explain to me how you diss someone while complimenting them? Cuz that's exactly what happened.
Long story short, this was the punchline:
-I'm sorry this happened
-I really like you
-You're an amazing person
-You're one of my closest friends
-I have alot of growing up to do
-I want to remain close friends because in the future I will most likely want a relationship with you
-I'm really childish and immature
-I really hope we can still be close because I can really talk to you openly
-I was scared shitless of this conversation, and I finally got the balls to tell you
-I want to think that you'll be willing to give me a chance again somewhere down the line
-PB will most likely officially be my date for the NYE party.

At this point, I'll admit that I was above everything offended... and pissed off...
so...
I got drunk.
REALLY drunk.
So much so that I was happy and pissed at the same time, while lying on the floor in Betty's room and  looking at the glow in the dark stars on her roof and thinking I was outside and debating on my plan of action if it started to rain.
so yeeeahh... uhm... I don't know what else to say to that...
Ooh and I forgot to mention, he asked me about the Secret Santa. and asked who I got... and also asked if it was him.
ha.
fuck meee.
I went on a rant about how ridiculous that would be and why on earth if this was a random draw with 18 people in it (including myself) I would get him.... lol. so yeah.. about that...

At this point, I HAVE to wear a friggin red dress... and now I need to come up with a date for the NYE party... and shit... Babes is out of town until the 12th of January... and who the hell would I beg to pretend to date me for the sake of appearances on NYE??? Maybe on any other day... but damn, NYE?!

so yeah...
talk about ending the year (and hopefully the whole story) with a bang... shiiit...

I have the headache from hell and I need to go get ready for work now.
Needless to say, I'm not the nicest one from the bunch today...
or for the rest of the year for that matter....
Cuz behind every heartless bitch, lies a nice girl that got screwed over by a jerk.
*sigh*

Catch y'all laters guys.

-Jezz

Maybe GA is too small for my social circle...

.... or maybe I need to dye my hair a different shade now that I'm officially avoiding Jacob Wannabe once again
.... or maybe I need to stop hanging out with my bestie, who at 6'1 tall  (yes, barefoot!) is becoming a landmark to find me when I'm out.


So, remember the New Moon Premiere I was so happy about??
Yeah, about that...

Jacob Wannabe was there. With PB.
Que decirte!

He mentioned, in passing, that he was going to see the premiere, and I mentioned I was going too.
Before I get into any further detail, let me just say:
Jacob wannabe lives about an hour away from my side of town.
He goes to school about 1/2 away from where I go to school, which is also in my side of town.
PB goes to school 4 hours away from where I live.

So, that said; Can someone PLEASE explain to me WTF this dude and this chick were at THE SAME THEATER I went to?!?!?!
This is still rather baffling to me.
I spotted him in the line to get into the movie (which, I might add, went around the plaza where I went to see the movie) & I saw him again in the vending line, while waiting to get some popcorn.
My friends printed their tickets all together, and all had auditorium 7 on them... I printed mine at work, and it had auditorium 8 on it. We didn't think too much of it cuz, hell, it's the same movie in all the damn auditoriums anyway.
So my mind keeps wondering if I really did see him or not, or wtf, and we finally are able to enter the auditoriums to watch the movie, but hey, I can't sit with my friends cuz I have to go to 8, not 7; cuz 7 is sold out, even though there are over 50 empty seats in it.
I went to the box office with Babes, and we were told the same.... but I wasn't having none of that. Babes offered to swap his ticket at the box office in order for us to sit in 8; but that wasn't going to satisfy me either... so... Babes went in, took out CoccoSooz's ticket, and gave it to me, and I was in. Yayyyy!!
The movie was pretty awesome :) Not better than the book, but then again, when does that ever happen anyway?
I was, of course, going for Team Jacob :P even when I know Edward is the real thing. Taylor Lautner is well, delicious looking... to the point where my mom agrees with me on that (lol yeah, imagine THAT conversation); and Babes was rather resented cuz I like Taylor Lautner (the dude that plays Jacob) and he was a very obvious resemblance to Jacob wannabe (hence the name); but whatever.
I went home, all good, night's over yadda yadda yadda, I hit the bed, night night y'all.

Next day, I get a text from Jacob wannabe himself, telling me we were at the same theater and he saw me a couple times. I asked how he could be sure it was me... and he said he saw me with Soozi. Dammit (this is why I say she's becoming a landmark).
I asked why he didn't bother to come and say hi, and he explained that he was with PB. ( SO I WASN'T CRAZY AFTER ALL!) and that he didn't want her to get all upset and well, psycho.
I was a little curious... so I asked him what auditorium he was in.... he said 8, and that there was barely15-20 people in that one.
WELL DAMN!
I'll admit I spent about an hour laughing at the fact that my minor tantrum with Babes spared me a looong dramatic encounter with the evil creature that PB is.... Jesus works in magical, mysterious ways.
Anyhow y'all....
In sum, the movie was good, the ending was expected (if you've read the books anyway) but good nonetheless and I had fun; all of which is what really matters.

Til the next one folks
-Jezz

In light of Kanye's VMA stage crash, and Patrick Swayze's death....

Texts From Last Night (404): I hope Kanye doesn't show up to Patrick Swayze's funeral. " I'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but Michael Jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

I know it's kinda messed up and all... but ya gotta admit it would be funny in a sick kinda way... LOL