Is this what we've become? .... I don't recognize any of this, I can't see the two people who loved each other at some point or another... It's like you resent me for being me.... Maybe i'm way off base.... As for myself, it's like I see a child when I look at you... Which would explain my utter disregard for what you say.... Maybe i'm the problem, me & my issues with being told what to do & what not to do & my preconceived notions, forged by a mental regime imposed by my dad's ocd, on how people need to act & appropriate behavior.... I'm rambling & I'm sleepy.... Guess I'll call it a night for now... Laters
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I'm siting next to you and all I can think about is how much longer will we do this... Time keeps passing & it feels like you're still stuck at 16 and I feel like the more I try to make things work, the less effort you seem to want to make... So what am I supposed to do? How do I make peace with all this disdain and disappointment I feel when we're together?... Is it unreasonable of me to expect more than mediocrity from you? Is it insensible of me to believe that you CHOOSE to live a life of underachieving and hoping and dreaming of greatness and success? Maybe I'm being stupid... But i'll be caught dead before I actually tell you that 50% of the time I feel like you're dragging me down in a downward spiral that ends on a rut & a grave, and the other half I sit, puzzled & confused, wondering if this is all you have to offer & if that's enough for me... Is this all I deserve? .... Days like this make me feel like love, no matter how much of it you may have for me & I for you... is just not enough to turn a blind eye & stay with a heavy heart... I'm trying, I'm really trying here.... but at what point do I forgo saving the sinking ship of us and save whatever is left of me?... & you're high & asleep while I, wonder our fates away...