Thursday, September 30, 2010


I'm probably pms'ing... but i don't quite feel right....
like everything is a burden like life itself is a chore, like we are dragging ourselves through mudslides and quicksand and nothing is worth the effort of movement.

>> Service Bell
I think that I've been listening to too many depressive songs.
and I think that I'm hungry, and that doesn't help either.
I really think I don't like being stuck in this dead end...
My life feels like a dead end game of tetris.

I really think I just need some ice cream.
but for now I got work to do.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I'll be witty
look pretty
block out your existence with my
sunglasses and bikini
you don't have to love me
& I don't have to pretend it
doesn't hurt.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


What does a feeling sound like?
Like shattering glass,
like a soft lullaby,
like a Russian drum beat,
like halting breaks and a sad lonely violin
playing alone in the darkest night.

Feelings are just emotions overcoming our spirits in such ways
that we are immersed in them, bathed, drenched & drowning in them.
We must all find a way, our own way of learning to live with them and expressing them.
Some use them for good, some for evil.
Some in a constructive and others in a productive way and others in a destructive manner.
But then there are those who use it as a muse, inspiration...
They know and see that the created result is nothing more than the emotion itself,
immortalized & exposed,
ripe for the picking & open for the purging,
in hopes to remove the emotion itself from our insides & cast it out into the world,
like a demon exorsized from our hearts,
looking for a new host to reside in & devour from the inside...

Sunday, September 19, 2010


I'm coming to terms with the fact of life that you need to be selfish.
You will come to a point where you'll have to tput yourself first.
Your needs. Your wants.
I feel as though I try to make sure that everyone else is ok so much that I let go of myself... that I stop taking into account my own things... my responsibilities...

Try as I might, how can I manage to save everyone and take care of myself....

I don't really know what else to say or think...
 I just want to get home and call it a day....

Friday, September 17, 2010

Random thoughts while driving- Coping

 Random thoughts while driving

... and it's funny cause I understand it, I grasp the need behind it behind it all,
Behind addictions, behind mental illnesses....
I can sympathize with the whole breakdown 
 and mental illusions, hallucinations, the need for a fix
it's all meant to cope. 
They're all coping mechanisms
ways for us to deal with reality, our realities.
I cope. 
I have to cope, with everything that happens. 
But what if I don't want to cope? 
What if I just want to break down into a million little pieces and shatter away?
But I have to cope. 
I have no other choice...
For me, coping is the only thing that's left. 
Coping is the only way I can believe I'll ever get out of this mess, this disaster.
Coping became in essence, a need.
It became a survival mechanism, a matter of instinct and self preservation.
So coping is no longer coping... coping is hoping. 
coping is believing there is an end to this all that won't kill me in the process

Morning after dark

I think the only reason I'm still here is so I can tell myself I knew it all along.
Maybe I'm mistaken.
Maybe I'm mistaken. 
Maybe still waters do run deep. 
I'm living proof of it.
But it feels as though something lurks beneath the surface and I cant quite make out what it is... 
And honestly, at the end of the day we're right back to where we were to begin with,
doing the same things we did before, complicating this dysfunctional whatever it is that we are... 
and although I have to admit I'm kinda okay with most of it,
I'm still the biggest coward when it comes to things about love... 
I'm terrified of the outcome, yet I keep playing with fire,
putting my fingers to the flame like its nothing
and taunting fate with my tongue out like I'm a badass
when on the inside I'm just your typical girl looking for what everyone else also wants:
To love and be loved in return.... 
I know I'm rambling on in vague terms, purposely avoiding addressing the issue at hand... 
But what's a lady who can't keep a secret? 
oh yeah, I know... 
A girl with a blabbermouth!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Random quotes

Life moves too fast, if you don't stop and look at it, you could miss it- Ferris Bulleur

I came like Water, I left like Wind - Persian Poet

Nothing is so wretched or foolish as to anticipate misfortunes. What madness is it to be expecting evil before it comes. - Seneca
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. - Maureen Dowd

When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge. - Albert Einstein

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. - Les Brown

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand. - Albert Einstien

I am now omnipotent. What should I do with such almighty power? The answer to that is really quite simple: Anything I want. Anything. I am incapable of error. Any result that displeases me I can simply reverse. There is nothing I need to worry on, for I am Richard. And Richard is supreme. Supreme." - Some comic book

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.
V for Vendetta

You Jabbering Your Jaw While I'm Jacking Your Jill - Kosherbeets

Why!? - Freddy P. the Monster

"Bitch, I didn't choose to fuck you!
You chose me to fuck you!"

Girl- Hey I know you!
Me- I KNOW you know me.

Master Oogway- Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift, that's why it's the present

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Te quiero at 2am

You said

"Te quiero"

what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?
I mean, if I'm honest....

.... that's about a year late.

You're on some sort of mission... it's like you only want me when I'm not there. You like the chase.
and it's all good and fine....

the only thing I've ever asked is to not play around with my feelings,
happens to be the one thing you cannot help yourself avoid.

NOW you're on some sort of good behavior
being honest
calling me every night before you go to sleep
texting me all day to see how everything's going on my side of the world...

but the truth is...

it's still a year late...
and I didn't bother to wait for you that long.