Oh the Stubborness and the Delight

I know, I know, I have not learned anything at all. But whatever. For now anyway.

I went to see Jacob Wannabe.

This was the 1st time I'd gone back to his apartment since.... I can remember...
I think last time I went to North Ave was around October? I think... Most definitely NOT past November.
Anyhow.

I went back, on a whim. I felt like it. I told him I was up for it.
I went over, we watched a movie, The Gods must be crazy, and then went to eat lunch at Moe's.

We went back to the apartment and watched 3 episodes of Criminal Minds.
I'll admit to the fact that I hugged him. Ok, it was a little more. Originally, we sat side by side on his bed (let me just say that his dorm is ridiculously small, there isn't room for anything other than a bed, a desk, a chair and an armoire) and we were facing the TV (which is on the desk, if you must know). But then he threw my legs over his, and pulled me closer, and who the hell am I to refuse a little affection?
He showered me with kisses and hugs, telling me how much he missed me.
But all I kept thinking about was the fact that... he's is taken.
So why does he keep doing this? Hellbent on sabotage? I'm not sure.

I like the attention, but to be honest, I make him keep a distance, and I repeatedly threaten to elbow his face a couple times if he keep pushing for whatever he was trying to get at.
I felt tempted to lay my head on his chest like I used to do... Shit, I'll admit I miss it.
There are so many things about him that attract me at some sort of visceral, primitive, instinctual level, that it's like it just bypasses my conscious thoughts...
Anyhow.
We went to lunch at Moe's . His treat. We're talking about everything, how he missed our afternoons at his apartment watching movies, and how things could've been different if it weren't for BlackWhite guy, and the reasons why he and PB got back together... Eventually we shifted the topic to being Hispanic, and parents and my dad, and of course my pass out episodes. We briefly comment again on how fucked up our whatever it is IS, and he mentions that we should make a show with the drama we have going on with each other.
I told him I could actually write a novel based on it and he laughed.
We walked back to his apt, and watched Criminal Minds. I have to say that those must have been the 3 most messed up episodes I had seen up to date. Cuz Damn. DAYMN.

I was paying attention to the show... but he was kinda caught up in kissing my neck and rubbing my shoulders.
I got pissed and told him that he's a jerk, and he backed off, suddenly worried about how I reacted.
I told him that... "You made your choices. I moved on. I'm moving on. The fact that I still cherish the fucked up friendship we share, does NOT give you the right to abuse my feelings mercilessly".
This seemed to make him think deeply. He did back off... but we were kinda cuddling at this point anyway, so he remained content with laying his head next to mine on my shoulder and his arms around me.
Even then, it was much further than I would have liked... but then again, I liked it anyway.
After the 3rd episode, I had to leave. I was set to go to a study session, and, to make sure I wasn't tempted to stay longer, I had set my alarm to buzz off at the time I HAD to leave.
The alarm went off, and I'm about to get off the bed, but he rolls me over to be lying face-up directly below him and he kisses me. Insanely passionately.
Like that day in the car in the middle of the night passionately.
And instead of melting like putty (which I normally would have), I got pissed and told him he is a selfish bastard and that he needs to stop acting like a moron.
He wasn't quite expecting that I guess.
I got up, and got my shoes and my jacket, and he fumbled and mumbled an apology. I didn't care for one. I'm not one to take empty apologies well, which he knows, and which eventually got him to shut up.
We left. He walked me to North Ave again, like he usually does.
We part with a big hug.... the one thing that gets me more attached than a kiss.
The scent lingers in my thoughts.
I catch the train. I sketch, I think, I write.
There is something so dysfunctional with the way we relate to each other... and it tears at me when I'm on my own. Only when he's not around and I'm not busy living the moment, making the most of it, trying to absorb it and make it a keepsake at once.
*sigh*

This complicated story is one that, I get the feeling, is only now really beginning to be woven. It's been almost a year since that first date at the restaurant in mid-town, where we ate and talked and talked and talked before heading over to watch a movie at his house.
This seems like a routine, his modus operandi... one that I got to know very very very well later on, specially during my afternoons at North Ave.
We have yet to finish watching paprika.

I don't know if we will.
I have the running joke that the next time we'll see each other is going to be 4th of July, when we're with the family at Centennial.... I wish I really had the certainty that THAT'S going to be the case, but who am I trying to fool here?
For whatever it's worth, at least I'm being consistent and making some progress. I think.

Anyhow, night Night y'all. I'm out for this one.

-Jezz

Part V: The edge of desire- From 0 to 100 mph in a split second

In the previous post, against my better judgment, I decide to watch Star Wars with the Dominican crew, and end up sharing the couch with Jacob Wannabe himself.
After having a tantrum because I didn't want to leave, Jacob offers to stop by my house on his way home... to which, half asleep, I encourage. It's only AFTER I hung up that I realized what I was getting myself into.. and even then, it was ride that took me nowhere near I though I would be.
I originally made an elusive post about it... but it's kindof a spoiler... so... I'm leaving it for the end.
P.s.: This is a ridiculously long post for no reason. Actually, it's because I'm relishing the moment as I write this up. So there. Consider yourself forewarned. 

Part V: The Edge of Desire- From 0 to 100 mph in a split second

"Often times one meets destiny on the path one takes to avoid it"
I can assure you that this was no exception whatsoever.
By repeatedly telling myself that nothing was going to happen and keeping my mouth shut from saying anything that would imply I have any kind of feeling towards the guy... I well.. pretty much helped set up the scenario for what happened next...
It was sudden.... and intense.... and lusted for.
I don't even know what hit me. It was just... unexpected, even to myself. Even when I kept thinking and hoping to have one-on-one time to talk about the whole drama that ensued early last December, I didn't really think much further other than "Will we talk about this?" -and by we talking I mean me saying some hard truths and him not digging for reasons and excuses- and "Will he ask me out again?" reveries that clouded my mind between dusk and dawn.
Despite my million and one thoughts of how I would answer... How I'd act all offended, how I'd be insulted by his proposal, how I'd be upset, how I'd pretend I had better things to do with my life... I just said "Suuuuure, why not?". Talk about anti-climatic... and now, he was on the way to my apartment complex and I was in pjs and not even wearing real shoes and it's the the night was the coldest yet this season...
I run down the 3rd floor open stairs my apartment has and jumped into his car. Things feel more comfortable than they should, and it's almost like nothing ever happened, and I don't think about how upset I was or how much shit has happened... I just get hit by a happy moment and think about how much I like it.
We start talking. He plugs up his iPod and plays the infamous "Chill" playlist of his, which turned out to be a force to be reckoned with on it's own merits.
We talk. We talked about nothing and everything and things in between. We talked about people and places and circumstances.
I swear- and I'm not saying this for his benefit, I promise- he must have apologized for all the things that have happened like a dozen times or so. None of which I really believe, but I guess the intention counts for something right? It certainly set the tone for the moment.
I make a point of asking about PB and how things are going between them, and he mentions how they're ok, but then decided to add how she was impressed when she saw me get to the NYE party... and then he had to explain that it was me, and well, she put a face to the name alright. I was rather surprised... but shit, that was MY moment of glory and vanity and all that other female good stuff and I took it with a smile.
He asked me for a hug, a real hug, and I obliged.
He asked questions on how I've been, and what I've been up to.
He constantly mentions how much he's missed me and I'm slightly flattered... I mean... damn...
The thing is, I'm a skeptic, and I have good reason to be. Why would I take his words for face value when less than a month ago he sorta dissed me and went back to dating his ex?

It's somewhere around 3 am at this point, and here we were, continuously talking in an air that was so charged you cut the tension with a knife.
His gas light came on, so, he turned the car off. I was freezing. I'm not made for cold weather.
I pretended to not be bothered much and we kept talking.... and then he held my hand.

With a sheepish smile I look at my feet and avoid saying the million things racing through my head -what are we doing?! why are you holding my hand? I should just go home- and I try to keep myself in the moment. Matter of fact, I tried that so hard that I flung myself into the moment, and before I know it he's telling me how much he missed me, and how much fun we have together, and we start laughing and joking around, as he kisses my forehead. I vaguely get the slight impression that we're setting boundaries to our somewhat of a friendship and that, all in all, I don't HATE the guy.
He leans his forehead against mine, and I start to wonder how old we are. I feel like a kid in a playground, struggling to find words and to be coherent and thinking about how much I don't want to screw this up, while also, I have the empowered feminist inside me yelling at me for being a blind idiot... but as they say, there is no one more blinded than he who does not want to see.
Ignorance is bliss.
Denial, my good old friend Denial, is like the purgatory of feelings. You fool yourself for ever so long and be happy in your foolishness, until you have a brief moment slip and reality slaps you like a bitch. I was in a happy place and dammit, I was staying there as long as I could... but eventually I pull away in hopes to keep some sort of control behind all the chaos inside me... and just to avoid the temptation...
Oh, but I'm a fool for love. I openly admit it. My plan for control and discipline and distance was hopelessly flawed by the fact that I have a soft spot for the guy...
There we were, his forehead is resting against mine and the music kept playing, and we kept talking... at this point our conversation is going onto how he misses my sarcasm and wit and everything else...
and what's a girl to do? I am susceptible to flattery.
He kissed me... and I didn't stop him. He kissed me again and I was still kinda in shock. He kissed me again, and, third time lucky, I kissed him back. Dammit! I wasn't even supposed to be here!
He held my hands in his, and tried to warm them up, as we kept talking... somewhere down the line, it became clear that my hands were not the only part of me that was cold, it was my whole body.

He beckons me to sit on his lap, open arms offering warmth and comfort that I am not immune to.... so after toughing it out for a while, he rolls up his sleeves and pulls me onto his lap.
Uhm. Okay. I ... I didn't really count on this situation coming up.... so... um... wow.

When he's finally got me on his lap, he gives me the biggest bear hug ever.... a hug that was enough to keep me wrapped up and curled up against him. As cold as it was, he felt warm and cozy and well... who am I gonna try to fool, I liked being against him, so close. I felt comforted in what seemed to be the most innocent, sweet gesture, and at the same time, in the larger scheme of things, thought about how I really could get used to being there more often. Subconsciously, I was was aware of the fact that this was, most likely the last time he and I would be this close... but at the moment it was more like me seeking a validation of affection of sorts... Because, throughout the whole time, I kept questioning if I was literally throwing myself at him, like some two dollar whore, desperate for attention and comfort and reassurance and love.

The playlist, which I keep listening to and thinking God has a messed up sense of humor, makes the whole situation seem like it's a scene out of a movie, or at the very least, like it's the season finale of some cool sit com. I don't mention it, but eventually he does, and we laugh about it, like we always do.
We keep talking, this time about music. He mentions how he's missing someone to talk to this much, and how he's been trying to find new music to listen to lately. John Mayer's new album comes up. He mentions the song that was playing at the time, makes him think of me.

"I want you so bad , I'll go back on the things I believe...
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me..."

That was the last thing I really heard for a while.  I sat on his lap and buried my face in his neck and just savored the moment for what it was worth: a moment in time that was emotionally intense.

Eventually, I did pull away and started asking myself out loud what the hell were we doing and why were we here... but 30 minutes passed... and hour passed... the playlist kept going... the kisses kept coming and the jokes rolled in too... how could you expect me to want to leave?

He asked how I felt... I told him I felt like I went from 0 to 100 mph in a split second.
I asked him how he felt and he told me he felt like he was in some sort of romantic sitcom in which we're the main characters and this was the season finale. (Did I mention he's a movie/ tv fanatic? about that...)
He went so far as to compare it to the season finale of Dexter, one of the many interests we have in common.
We ranted and raved about the playlist, and start pulling away, gathering our minds in an effort to sort whatever just happened... and then King of Leon's "Use Somebody" comes up and I swear, I would totally have to agree that tis was the moment in which I personally felt like we stepped out from reality and stepped into some alternate-universe/ storyline, in which everything was magical...
He kissed me like never before. SO much so that I as surprised... overwhelmed... I felt like my heart was on the verge of explosion itself.... But like all good things, the song ended and we ended it with a baffled look on our faces wondering if this was turning into a bad habit... one that I have yet to manage to kick off...
and well... we keep talking... it's around 4:30 am by then... I'm completely shivering and he's rubbing my arms and shoulders in an attempt to warm me up... and as his forehead leaned against mine again, I distantly hear myself tell him that it's unfair he's taken the situation this far and remind him that we should be anywhere but here. I know I have as much to blame as he does... but... he's the one with the significant other, not me.
Let it be his burden, not mine.
 After a while of convincing myself, I pull away. Eventually, I decide I need to leave... it's starting to dawn, it's 6 am and we're still in his car, in the midst of the most ridiculous situation, avoiding questions whose answers were already known but were bitter and would, most certainly, ruin the moment.

So off into the morning he went, and I went home. We texted while he drove home, a good 30 minutes away. He got home, and we called it a night. I wanted to head to bed but... I decided to get on here, and wrote the following post, which I later removed:



Shit
I don't know how this happened.
I was drowsy and sketching... I swear that this BY FAR the most unexpected thing ever.
How does one go from irreparable hurt to intense desire?!
This shit didn't make any kind of sense
A hug. A REAL hug
and another
and another
and foreheads together
and then I missed yous merge into conversation
and who did what to avoid the thought of the other
and why the hell are we here's
and shit then he kissed me and I couldn't stop after that
and 30 minutes
and an hour
and two hours later
in friggin 12 degree weather
wearing flannel pj's and a bubble jacket with bed booties are not a good combination
I shivered like crazy
he sat me on his lap
and held my hands and blew on the to warm them up
and rubbed my calves because I get cold feet
with a playlist that just literally made the moment seem like we were caught in a romantic comedy with the insane plot twist when you least expect it
In the middle of a moment
"Use somebody" came up and I almost felt my heart explode...
you had never ever kissed me like that...
and I'll admit I was rather dumbstruck with awe to be honest

Part IV: I dont have a name for this one- Yep it's that bad

On my last phone call from Jacob Wannabe, he mentioned the dominican crew watching Avatar and also having a Star Wars marathon, with a date to be determined.
So after my self-proclaimed triumph over PB & Jacob Wannabe on the New Year's Eve party, I was feeling... relieved but... not quite... I don't know what to call it... Suffice it to say that; although I technically had closed off the Jacob Wannabe chapter with the ending year while I was still on top of the game, I was still feeling to much to say I was over it. And of course, bad habits die hard, so....

Part IV: Untitled

My last conversation with Jacob Wannabe was somewhere between Secret Santa and New Year's eve.

At the New Year's eve I felt his eyes linger a bit too long on me, even though he was with PB.

After my minor moment of glory when I finally saw PB face to face for the first time, instead of thinking about the situation less... I thought about it more. So in an effort to start the new year with a better purpose and commitment, I threw myself into sketching, and sketching and sketching and sketching some more. My insomnia came back in full bloom and I was up again past 5 am, until I literally wore myself to exhaustion and would fall asleep, pencil in hand. Not the best way to start the year, but I'm good friends with Denial, and we got along pretty well. At least I can say I got something productive out of it by building up my portfolio.

So there I was on a Saturday morning, unsuspecting and engaged in deep concentration to avoid thinking too much, and Jacob Wannabe calls.

The Star Wars marathon is happening at Pilot's house, and he's offering to pick me up and take me home. I agree, but to make things a little more difficult for me to get into a compromising situation, I said my lil bro, Chino, had to come with me, and I had to swing by my mom's job and drop off something. He agreed, so we the plans were set.

Me and Chino head out, and we make the quick stop at my mom's job. Although I told him to park, Jacob decided to  wait for me right at the door, where my mom stood and of course, went into questions of why on earth I was riding with him, and like any great hispanic mother, gave him the evil eye. She made it so much of a point that, when I got back in the car, Jacob mentioned how he knows that look from his mom's eye and knows he is not welcome at my house any time soon. Shit. At least he's clear about it, right?

We get to Pilot's house and hang out for a bit, but then head out on a popcorn run that took forever.

After we get back, my brother, instead of watching Star Wars with us, has decided to go play PS3. Pilot takes the recliner. Movie & Pilot's dad take the love seat. Jacob and I are left looking at each other and I just head for the big sofa and sit on one end, while he sits at the other end.

By male consensus, they decide to turn on the fans, even though we're at the lowest temperature we've had all season, but hey, I was outnumbered and decided to tough up. But who was I kidding?  I have cold feet, both literally and figuratively. I was raised in the Caribbean, with warm weather year-round. I'm not made for cold. However, in a fuss, I grabbed a throw and snuggled up.

In light of the fact that I'm sitting in the same sofa as Jacob, I build a wall with the cushions in the middle of it, just to make a point. My point was short lived though, because he had the big bowl of popcorn  and the ice and I had the cheezeits and the soda. Crap. Oh well. I tried.

We started watching the first movie, and we were both texting during it. Not each other! just texting people. I, for one, was texting my cousins, and if I know anything about Jacob, I can bet he was texting PB. *sigh*

Since I had never seen any of the Star Wars movies, Jacob kept making comments about the movie and the plot. The problem with this is that we were too far for me to hear him and I was bent on sitting as far as possible, so every time he said something I had to lean towards him and grab his arm to pull myself closer and be able to listen. I didn't mind too much, as long as I went back to my little corner and curled up.

The second movie comes up, and by this point, I've curled up into a ball in hopes of preserving my body heat and to make myself stop shivering. Jacob, in turn, has decided to look for every single possible reason to find something to say to me, making me grab his arm constantly and lean in. Now at first he had some legit things to say, but after he ran out of spoilers to tell me about the plot, he just started asking me dumb questions like "Are you cold?"(I was still shivering, so clearly I was, even when I denied it),  "Are you thirsty?" (I had the soda next to me), "Are you hungry?" (I had a box of cheezits on my lap), and my personal favorite "Are you okay??". YES JACOB I am MF OKAY with your happy ass sitting close and trying to make conversation like all of last fall and winter did not happen and you didn't decided to stop dating me and bring your ex to the family's New Year's eve party. I am PERFECTLY FIIINE.

Somwhere along the second movie, my mom starts freaking out and wants me home. Because I know that this is all due to Jacob being there, I decide to be a nuisance and tell her she has to pick me up, fully knowing that because Pilot's mom is one of her closest friends, I'll stay longer. HAHA.

We finish the second movie, and Pilot's asking for a rockband break before the third one. I'm game, and we resume our regular positions: I do the vocals, Jacob is on bass and Pilot's on drums. Things should not be this easy.

My mom throws a fit and has me get ready to leave because, well, she said so, treating me like a pre-teen. I fully live up to the role, and at 21, manage to throw a fit worthy of a 13 year old who has suddenly lost cell phone privileges, and manage to get to her to let me stay.

Cause see, even though I wasn't talking to Jacob much, even though we were not on good terms, and even though we're just watching a movie with everyone there... He was there and that made the difference, as much as I hated to admit it to myself.

So back to Rockband it is.... but then my mom's car was frozen up... and wouldn't start. Pilot, who reminds me of the better memories I have of my dad, goes to help her out and checks the car, and pulls it into his driveway. He offers to fix it, but says it has to be in the morning cuz, well, it's freezing.

He did offer my mom a ride home, and at this point, I have to head home. Shit. Not cool.

Pilot and I ride on the front seat while Chino, mom and yeah, you guessed it, Jacob ride in the back. And for moments like this, I love, admire and hate my mom all at once. We start driving off and the first question out of my mom's mouth is "So how are the girlfriends doing, guys?" Jacob stammers, Pilot turns on music and I laugh because I see how much I am like my mom, pushing on the awkward subject for the sake of amusement. We talk about the car, and before I know it, we're home. So off to home I go. Like a good kid.

Except I'm not that much of a good kid.

Pilot and Jacob leave, and at home I snuggle up in pj's and go back to my hard labor of sketching. Except that I can't quite focus because, well, I just can't. In an effort to get my life together and get some rest, I take some over-the-counter sleeping pills, and against my better judgment, decide to text Jacob.

When he leaves Pilot's house, about 20 minutes later, he calls. Of course, my happy ass was half asleep, but I still answered. We talk a bit and he laughs at my teenage like anger. We crack a couple jokes from the night, and he mentions how he's right around the block from my house and offers to stop by, and well... I said, sure, why not, without really thinking through the consequences. Both of us surprised at the answer, he says he'll be there in a minute and we hang up. Only then I come to realize, it's 2:30am, and I'm in pjs and look like Frankenstein's bride, and shit, he's already here.

I say fuck it, grab a jacket and bed booties and downstairs I go, to meet with the enemy and forbidden fruit.

And the thing is, that even if I had tried to predict how the night would pan out, I would've been soo far off it's not even funny. It's just sad.

Nothing I could have said to myself would have prepared me for what came.

to be continued...

Wait for the next episode in which I go back on new year resolutions on the 2nd day of the year and dig a hole too deep to get out of...

Fuck good music, cold weather and sleeping pills. God has a fucked up sense of humor.

well fuck any new years resolutions I might have made...

I think I don't learn a lesson.. under no circumstances....

Shit...

I agreed to go watch star wars with JWB and Pilot
I had to bring my little bro
After a million in one issues, we finally watch Episode  I
My mom goes crazy paranoid and wants me back home asap
she comes to pick me up, but stays talking to Pilot's mom while I'm at the basement with the guys watching Episode II....
and....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This post is now being interrupted for the following is a Public Service Announcement.

 The part of my post that was originally here, was removed due to being a spoiler of the latest shenanigans I've been up to involving Jacob Wannabe.
So I removed it and now you have to wait til I story in chronological, sequential order.
Sue me. ☺
But since I'm sorta kinda cool, I'll let you guys keep the ending though :P
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know that this doesn't change anything...
but fuckkk....
God has a sense of humor and irony that is not beyond me right now....
cause seriously...
Shit...
I need to get some sleep.

WTF!!! part 2- Behind every bitch there was once a nice girl who got screwed over

I don't even know where to begin this one...
To add insult to injury, the dude (Jacob wannabe) called me last night....
and I feel like an idiot for answering even though I knew better... even though I was with the girls and after the whole Secret Santa fiasco I was still pretty pissed, but I mean.... shiit... I still answered the phone and I feel like an idiot for it.

This is going to be a completely honest post.

Jacob Wannabe called from his home phone.
I answered. We started talking. He basically tells me how much he likes talking to me because I listen and don't judge... uhm... ok... (was he trying to convince himself or something?)
anyhow... he keeps rambling and rambling and eventually gets to the point.
He's calling to let me know he's very likely to go back to being "officially" back together with PB.... uhm... so... wow...
and this dude has the NERVE!! to tell me how even though alot of BS has passed, he still thinks I'm one of his closest friends, and keeps telling me how he never meant to let this happen and how I'm an amazing person....
can someone please explain to me how you diss someone while complimenting them? Cuz that's exactly what happened.
Long story short, this was the punchline:
-I'm sorry this happened
-I really like you
-You're an amazing person
-You're one of my closest friends
-I have alot of growing up to do
-I want to remain close friends because in the future I will most likely want a relationship with you
-I'm really childish and immature
-I really hope we can still be close because I can really talk to you openly
-I was scared shitless of this conversation, and I finally got the balls to tell you
-I want to think that you'll be willing to give me a chance again somewhere down the line
-PB will most likely officially be my date for the NYE party.

At this point, I'll admit that I was above everything offended... and pissed off...
so...
I got drunk.
REALLY drunk.
So much so that I was happy and pissed at the same time, while lying on the floor in Betty's room and  looking at the glow in the dark stars on her roof and thinking I was outside and debating on my plan of action if it started to rain.
so yeeeahh... uhm... I don't know what else to say to that...
Ooh and I forgot to mention, he asked me about the Secret Santa. and asked who I got... and also asked if it was him.
ha.
fuck meee.
I went on a rant about how ridiculous that would be and why on earth if this was a random draw with 18 people in it (including myself) I would get him.... lol. so yeah.. about that...

At this point, I HAVE to wear a friggin red dress... and now I need to come up with a date for the NYE party... and shit... Babes is out of town until the 12th of January... and who the hell would I beg to pretend to date me for the sake of appearances on NYE??? Maybe on any other day... but damn, NYE?!

so yeah...
talk about ending the year (and hopefully the whole story) with a bang... shiiit...

I have the headache from hell and I need to go get ready for work now.
Needless to say, I'm not the nicest one from the bunch today...
or for the rest of the year for that matter....
Cuz behind every heartless bitch, lies a nice girl that got screwed over by a jerk.
*sigh*

Catch y'all laters guys.

-Jezz

A good reason to tone down the texting.. (o_0)

Yesterday turned out be a random day of sorts. Everything was going fine, i guess, until my math class rolled around and of course, the one day I understand everything and am not bored out of my mind, I get repeatedly disturbed by random BS.
It IS after all, a four hour class... the four hours sent from hell if you ask me.
Anyhow, it all started like this:
I got out of Des105, hung out with Dj and Babes, London and Magic 8 (people I know from campus). Ate some food, took an energy drink. Went to Math class, and texted Jacob wannabe.
Yes the infamous sorta kinda something or another guy I've been hanging out with.

Before the odyssey of a four hour class really began, I drank the energy drink, which if you ask me, tasted like shit. Considering he drinks these things like water, I asked him htf he managed to do that. He answered back, and a slow conversation ensued. Mind you, I am in the middle of class, texting under the desk while looking at the teacher and somewhat participating in the nonsense people these days call trig.
Anyhow, I randomly get a text saying, and I quote from my Inbox:

"So when are we gonna have sex again?"

UHM!!! WTMFFF?!?!?!
I should I figured at this point that this was headed the wrong direction. But oh nooo! I decided to engage in this obvious madness because, fyi No, I did not (and the whole situation that ensues from this text has assured that WILL NEVER happen) sleep with the guy.
So I text back saying I seriously doubt that's going to happen.
In an awkward-psycho like twist, he says: But you'd like to?
again.. WTF?! I tell him I like you and I'm not getting myself into a situation I can't handle.

=Brief Intermission=
In my previous post about Jacob Wannabe, I mentioned he had a gf.
On the get-go, I stated clearly that we are nothing but friends and I would not get involved in any kind of drama or shenanigans of sorts.
Somewhere in between then and now, they broke up *cough BULLSHIT cough* but were still "talking to each other" (please note these are some of the reasons why not much has been heard of Jacob wannabe recently. I mean, c'mon, do you IDIOT placed over my forehead?!)
Anyhow, based on the status change (which I doubt ever took place) conversations ensue about relationships passed, and things were said. Nothing of any consequence. Nonetheless, I maintain my original intentions: I'm not getting involved, and whatever, life moves on. Or something like that.
During one of our times hanging out with friends, it came to the light that his now ex, was somewhat of a manipulative kinda crazy person... not by his words, but by his friends... all 7 of them. I mean, I know guys will be guys, and of course they will talk smack and exaggerate; but when they congratulated him on getting his balls back because he finally stood up for himself and ended a relationship that had been on the demise for what seemed like a while; a girl's gotta wonder.
=Continuing the story=

Anyhow, he gets this insane desire to know if I'd like to and I made a point that 1. I am not his fuck buddy and will never be, and 2. that he needs to go fuck Psycho Bitch (his now "ex". Why the name? you'll figure it out)

He insisted that I'd better. UHM... okay... Soooo, who was a vivid inappropriate imagination? (o_O)
In somewhat of a smart ass moment, I reply that better implies ALOT more than an occasional lunch and a couple text messages.
No answer from Jacob wannabe.
I text back again saying "not much to say now? yeah I thought so too."

He then says PB texted everything before.... but I was too caught up telling him a couple things... and I quote from my Outbox:

"So thank you for proving me right. It's a damn shame, but hey: at least I know I was right all along.

Cuz honestly, let's be real. Did you ever really break up with PB? Probably not. That said, go running back to her while you still can get laid, if that's what you need...

Cuz let me put it out clear for you: Neva Eva gonna get it. You proved exactly why I can't and won't trust you. Good Job Jacob wannabe!"

At this point I read the message where he stated he just got back his phone, and that PB had it all this time before.... Instant in which I feel blood boil over me, and I start seeing red, and I can't hear anything... mind you, I'm still in class, it's a privilege and a shame I know my keyboard so well (lol).

Then, to interrupt the whole thing, I get a message from my mom. My brother, the brilliant creature I see maybe once a week even though we all live in the same apartment, has decided to get into his own kind of shenanigans. Messing with the law kind of shenanigans. Older sister role clicks in, and I leave class, and talk to my mom and somewhat figure out what needs to be done. or something of that nature, and try to avoid the though of slapping my brother around when I get a hold on him. But anyhow, let's leave the fam out of this.

So, after reading this last msg, I am FUMING, as in about to break shit kinda angry. It suddently dawns on me that, hey, I'm pretty sure it's still her talking BS... but maybe I'm wrong. The combumtion of things are starting to pile up, it's 9:00pm, and I've only got 4 hours worth of sleep from the night before, which doesn't add for much mental clarity.
I've already left the classroom, and decided to stay out. So I responded to Jacob wannabe/PB that THAT was a lame excuse, and I didn't want to know more. I then added that he need not call me until he takes care of his shit with PB; that I don't like or need any drama but that if it came down to it, I would fuck her up. (yea, I'm a gansta bitch like that. Have you ever seen an angry latina? You don't wanna. We mix white chick crazy with some Ghetto shit... lol)

I proceed to smoke a cigarrette. Mind you, I do not smoke... ever. I cooled down for a little bit. Talked to Magic 8 for a bit. Talked to Babes for a bit, and that helped plenty. I was still pretty wound up about the whole situation, but I managed to talk some of it off.
Turtle text me asking if I was ok, I stated that I would be staying outside, and asked him to let me know when class was over; and he said ok.

In the meantime, PB answered, again from Jacob wannabe's phone, saying, and I quote from my inbox, yet again:

"Sweetie if you think you can take me then you feel free to try. Although I have to say at least I'm not a fucking easy lay and by the way that was me just messing the whole time. Cause I thought it would be funny. Just goes to show how easy you really are!"

UHM. Did I ever say I slept with him? NO. Did I ever engage in such activities? NO.
So can someone please tell me why the hell this heffa talking bout shit she don't know about?! In my anger, I end up breaking the cigarette I was smoking by accident, which kinda pissed me off a bit more.
At this point, even though I know I could mention some of the things said during my conversation with Jacob wannabe in regards to relationships past, I decide not. I stand by my original thoughts of not getting involved. So what if she's some crazy chick who's kinda stalkerish if you ask me. I still decided to mess with her mind a bit and not clarify that I didn't sleep with him, not because I care what she thinks about me (because I don't) but because I knew it would certainly make her mind wander and wonder if I ever did.

I responded that I'm not wasting my time on her, and told her not to talk shit about what she doesn't know. In an attempt to disengage from the whole situation, I ended my response with Have a nice life. (lol I know, kinda pathetic, but IDC)

She responded: "Oh but why when bitches like you are so easy. And my life will be nice with my lovely boy."

I must admit I got the last laugh, and in all honesty, it was a good one. I ended the conversation with "Yeah, you go SETTLE for THAT. lol"

At this point, class has ended, Turtle texted me, I went to get my stuff, and Turtle had also taken some notes for me, which I must admit was really really nice. I head home on the shuttle. I take the train. I call mom. I take the bus. I get off at my usual stop to wait for mom.

Jacob wannabe calls. At this point, I don't know if it's him or PB, but I answer anyway.

Fuck it. Bring it on bitch.

He tells me he just left her house, and that he was soo soo sorry.

I let him apologize. Asked him if he had anything else left to say, and he said he was sorry again. I told him : "Yeah... about that. I don't have much to say. I'll talk to you whenever I talk to you. Have a nice life" and hung up.

He texted again saying he was sorry.

In all honesty, I suppose it's not really his fault. But then again, I said the WHOLE time, I didn't want any part or piece of this kind of crap. In hindsight, even when I clearly stated I didn't want to get involved in all this drama, I did the minute I went out with him in a sorta kinda something like a date even though he has a gf. I suppose this is the part where I acknowledge that I brought this upon myself or something... *shrug*

I got home. Ate dinner.

I decided to ask him if he had read the conversation or if PB had erased all the mgs. He said she had erased everything and he swore he had no idea what she said and that what he said over the phone was the truth.

I told him I would forward him the whole conversation so he would know why I won't be talking or hanging out with him again.

He responded saying: "ever again? So you want nothing more to do with me?"
I just forwarded the messages from both sides.

Anyhow, this was the official demise of our whatever it was:

-"Wow. I'm so sorry about all of that. I don't think of you in that way at all. Plus, we just talked about how we're only gonna hang out with friends and not go on dates. I swear to you that's not who I am. Especially to you. I completely understand if you never wanna see me but please let us be friends whenever you wanna talk to me again. You're an absolutely stunning person and I'd hate to lose you completely. I'm sorry."

***"Yeah... I don't know... I feel shamed and scorned for the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't do: get involved between you two. And that's the gem that is your girlfriend."

-"We are broke up, but you are right, I am still talking to her. You deserve to be the only girl, not the other girl, and I'm so sorry for putting you in that position. I hate that this happened to you."

***"Anyhow, at this point, I haven't got much to say... I think it's best you deal with whatever bullshit you two have going on, cause I WILL fuck her up if I get a chance.
And about being friends? Maybe. Not for now. But at least know you know why. Ttly"

-"Ok. A maybe is good enough for me. Thank you..."

The End.

***Names have been changed to reflect my anger and maintain some degree of respect for my privacy (not her personal identity).


So... Wow.. Interesting.
Why did I chose to cut him off cold turkey instead of just ignoring the whole situation? I'm not quite sure, but something in my head told me it was the right choice. (maybe it was the voice of reasoning or the echo of my mother's words resonating, I dunno.) I just decided to remove myself from further drama, and like I said before, the minute I decided to go on that single, infamous date with him, I got involved.
In a sense, I'm pretty clear that he didn't quite have a role in the drama. However, who the fuck leaves their phone within reach of a well-known manipulative ex gf, even if you're "still friends"?
And her. Don't get me started. I have a strong dislike for bullshit, drama, and all around bitchass-ness. But that was just two steps too far for me. I just hope I never get to see her.. cuz it's on, b!

Anyhow, it is now past midnight, and I gotsa get ousta here... But some questions remain to be answered... did I really bring this upon myself? Was my anger out of line? Or was it well deserved?

Random- Alphabet survey! :P

A
- Available: what?
- Age: 20 and months... (God! how much longer til 21?!)
- Annoyance: stalling and dancing around a subject
- Animal: Dog and fish
- Actor: Channing Tatum.. El tipo ta bueno... como le da su gana. nuff said.
-Actress: IDk, but I"d say Charlize Theron and Eva Mendes... Might change my mind on that

B
- Beer: Miller & Presidente (la mejor cerveza, el verdadero sabor! ... lol)
- Birthday/Birthplace: November 5th, NY, NY
- Best Friends: SooziQ, Babes, Claudia, Hass :)
- Best feeling in the world: SLEEP!! and a good night out
- Blind or Deaf: rather be deaf lol...
- Best weather: Bright sunny days :)
- Been in Love: who hasn't?!
- Been on stage?: yeah... kinda love it there
- Believe in yourself? : yeah, not that I'm life delusional or anything, but I'm sorta awesome :P
- Believe in life on other planets: yeah... I'm not self- centered and stupid enough to believe that humans are the most intelligent form of life in this universe, I mean, seriously? SERIOUSLY? lol
- Believe in miracles: yeah, but they're rare
- Believe in Magic: Nahh not even
- Believe in God: Yes I do!
- Believe in Satan: Yeha, it's not like we can all be good and decent, ya know?
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: Nahhh... dude that must've been some really bad crack!
- Believe in Evolution: Seriously? Na, not even... I am not a monkey!

C
- Car: 2008 Ford Mustang GT... anyone who knows me will kow I drool a the sight of this car. If only... *Deep sigh*
- Candy: Reeses, Kit Kat, caramel popcorn and BROWNIES!
- Color: to wear, black & white. for everything else? purple
- Cried in school: yeahhhh
- Chocolate/Vanilla: ChoCoLaTe
- Chinese/Mexican: this is just a fukttup question... next!!
- Country to visit: Egypt, France, Japan, Greece, Tahiti

D
- Day or Night: NIGHT!
- Dream vehicle: 2008 Ford Mustang GT. Feel free to donate one to me at anytime :)
- Danced: last friday
- Dance in the rain: lol like a month ago, while I was waiting for the bus with no umbrella

E
- Eggs: When fried. over easy with crispy edges. When scrambled, with cilantro and tomatoes
- Eyes: mine are chocolaty brown, but I drool for hazel eyes
- Everyone has a: heart. No seriously, you can't live without a heart!

F
- First crush: ay padre... Hugo Tavarez, 5th grade I think... damn... long long long ago!
- Full name: Jessica Antonia Aybar Hernandez
- First thoughts waking up: Damn what time is it?!?!
- Food: delicious!!!

G
- Greatest Fear: failure and disappointing those who believe in me
- Giver or taker: uhm... wrong wording to that question.. pue si...
- Goals: To travel the world
- Gum: Strawberry trident
- Get along with your parents?: yeah sorta... My mom is like awesome. lol
- Good luck charm: Diamond and Onyx ring from my grandma :)

H
- Hair Color: same color as always, Mahogany brown
- Height: 5'7 I think
- Happy: on good days
- Holiday: New Year's day... My brother's bday!
- Health freak? Naah.. I like healthy food, but do I make a conscious decision to exclusively eat that? hella nah!
- Hate: cronically messy people who invade my personal space with their mess. Meaning my little brother's toys all over my bed. NO. NOT NICE! oh, and people who don't close doors after themselves.

I
- Ice Cream: Chocolate, Brownie and Dulce de Leche
- Instrument: I play piano, but I love violin and chello

J
- Jewelry: earings, and rings. Always.
- Job: Customer Service Rep... be nice people. Not all of us are assholes, ya know?! Some of us try to help y'all!

K
- Kids: are cute to have when they are approximately 4-9 months... after that, not even
- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing. It's my next great adventure.
- Keep a journal?: yeah, on and off for a while now

L
- Longest Car Ride: On the road from Santo Domingo to Samana... omg it felt like forever
- Love: is tricky, confusing, overwhelming, and beautiful. I loves: chocolate, piano, chello, cookies and Mustangs :)
- Letter: J of course! on the other hand, I do write letters occasionally... particularly to babes cuz we can't quite talk like normal people.
- Laughed so hard you cried: the day I fell off the bed while trying to mock babes... a good 3 hours laughing at my stupidity.. lol

M
- Milk flavor: Chocolateee!
- Movie: anything but horror movies... they creep me out... so I only watch them when I'm not alone
- Marriage: not a subject I openly discuss. EVER. See my previous post on marriage.


N
- Number of Siblings: 2... my brothers!
- Number of Piercings: 2.. at one point I had a belly right, but that faded fast... lol
- Number: 5, 11

O
- Overused Phrases: nah not even, STFU!, W/E! and ehhh y entonce?!
- One wish: "May the happiness of others lives be enough to overshadow the sorrows of my own"
- One phobia: not being able to breathe
- Perfect Pizza: tomatoes and cilantro. Sometimes with mushrooms
- Pepsi/Coke: Coca Cola :)

R
- Reason to cry: despair, helplessness, aggravation
- Reality T.V.: The Amazing Race, and The biggest loser
- Radio Station: Q100 Atlanta!! lol

S
- Shoe size: 7 1/2- 8
- Sushi: tried it for the 1st time on my last birthday with friends... hooked ever since.
- Skipped school: frequently... wait not, I'm not supposed to admit that.. damn
- Slept outside: haha yeah, me and Soozi were stranded for a night in NYC... lol
- Seen a dead body?: not even
- Smoked?: every once in a while, but never on a regular.
- Skinny dipped?: nahh never
- Shower daily?: yeaahhhh
- Sing well?: I like to think so
- In the shower?: nah, not even
- Swear?: yeah, like most of humanity
- Stuffed Animals?: love me some.... specially Asher :)
-Single/Group dates: single dates are more personal, but group dates are random and hilarious

T
- Thunderstorms: means lots of rain which means my happy ass will be asleep in 3.5 minutes. :)
- TV: don't watch much, but SNL is the shizznit
- Unpredictable: my mom. LOL.

V-
-Vegetable you hate: CARROTS! I hate them with a passion!
- Vegetable you love: brocolli :) (yeah I know I'm like weird n stuff)

W
- Weakness: chocoolateee!
- Who makes you laugh the most: my BFF's
- Wanted to be a model?: nahh that's all Soozi
- Worst weather: cold cold cold winter days :( It aggravates me.

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: my favorite color growing up. My room was yellow when I lived in DR.

Z
- Zoo animal: Tigers.... rawr :)
- Zodiac sign: Scorpio

I hate Bank of America

I hate Bank of America with a PASSION!


I had a Suntrust account, and I was a happy, law abiding citizen. I made sure I kept my balance straight, had my savings account and paid for my trip to NY, never had a credit card or a loan, just kept things simple. But my mom, tired of having to take me to the bank to cash my check, insistently nagged about how much of a drag it was to take ME somewhere else and that I should open an account with Bank of America, and that it was "the bank of opportunity" and that they were really really nice at the branch near my house.
I, silly, innocent I, as usual, decide to follow mom's advise and sure, go ahead, and open an account with Bank of America. I swear that right now, I have this insane urge to go to the nearest branch and hijack every last cent they have. Those people are trained to scam you, I swear.
I have had a horrible horrible experience with them since the day I opened my account.
I mean, my credit card was maxed out the day after I opened the damn thing. Then it was a fraud charge on my checking, which was reimbursed. Then there was the charge that went through two weeks after I used my card, and of course, I got slapped with an overdraft fee.
Then there was another fraud charge on my checking. Someone withdrew $600 from my checking account. This is school tuition money, that I work 10 hour daily shifts for. Rent money that I give my mom. Food money ( and believe me, never should you ever mess with me and my food!) and most importantly this is what caused me to have to use my credit card myself. I was never refunded those $600, no matter that I called numerous times and spoke to a million bzillion people and had like 5 claim numbers. I kept speaking to reps telling me that this issue was under investigation, that there was an account manager assigned to this and whole lot more baloney. Ultimatly, I got tired of getting the roundabout, went to the Bank and demanded to speak to the Branch Manager, just to find out that since the claim had been "Closed" over a month (which no-one decided to call me and let me know) there was nothing that could be done. Grrrreat.

See, I work in the Customer Service industry myself. I know what it's like when someone calls all frantic about something, so I try to be nice, civilized even. But what good does that do when people take advantage of you? I still decided to be the better citizen and take the high road... God will serve them their justice, I just gotta deal with paying off the pending balance on my credit card and close that damn thing out.
So why is it, that now I have 3 fraudulent charges on my account, all within 6 days and I also have 2 overdraft fees and I now owe the bank $200 that I didn't have to begin with?

So I got charged for a company called A1 Memberships, and here is the funny part. They first charge you $1.97. Then they charge you $2.17, and THEN they charge you $72.21. Please add overdraft fees here as necessary.
The even more messed up part is that they even have a phone number listed on the transaction description. It's 866-200-5473. Google it and see what you get. A listing of people saying they got Fraudulent transactions with the same general description: A1, several charges, $72.21, fraudulent charge.
It's supposedly from some "online source" that sells "Google kits" and that someone found from an add on Facebook. Like, SERIOUSLY?! and then, even more hilarious, the company is based in India, and it's a POS transaction (Point of Sale). Meaning you'd have to be in India and use your card to make the transaction. REALLY MF?! Don't you think I'd have enough money to cover the damn transaction IF and WHEN I was in India? Even more hilarious is the fact that several transactions for the same date were made in GA.
The exact same date.
Only ONE card for the account.
India and Atlanta, GA, within several hours.
In case you need a geography lesson, let me educate you a little: It would take several flights to get there, resulting in a total travel time exceeding 8-10 hours.
Now that all of this has been said, I'm a little cooled down. I'm still very much puzzled on how a single account can get targeted so many damned times within a YEAR!
I also happen to pay for credit protection. Biotches! you ain't protecting nothing when I get charges from India from shyt I didn't even try to buy, in a place I ain't ever been to!!!
So now I get the fantabulous task of once again, dealing with Bank of America Customer Services tomorrow.

"If these are the best days of my life, then someone shoot me now and get it over with already!"

-Jezzuka (2004)

Well chumps, that all for now... I'll keep y'all posted on this drama :/
Wish me patience. They're the ones that are gonna need the luck.
P.S.: If you a story that includes hostages, Bank of America, robbery and an Indian company called A1, it might've been me. haha.