The Dump Post: A time line of sorts. Kinda.

FYI: DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE GETTING DUMPED.

(Sorry if I disappointed ya :/)

Ok, now that said, a LOT has happened and I have yet to post the stories... but that doesn't mean I can't give you a trailer preview :P THIS IS , however, A LONG POST. Brace Yourself.

Yeahh, I'm awesome like that :D I'm just gonna dump it all in a single pot and make some sort of Jumbo out of it, LA style. Not that I've ever been there... but you get the point.

The Dump Post: A time line of sorts. Kinda

Well, my last real post ended with me sorta getting even on some pitiful level with Jacob Wannabe by making it seem as though my brother's best friend, Cuban Hottie, is kinda digging me, and then missing a bunch Jacob Wannabe's the next day.

After that, plenty has happened.

My mom got into a car accident. 

She was leaving my uncle's house and headed to go get my little brother's eye exam done, and another car steered out of his lane, into hers and hit her car head-on.

Lil' bro was a big man, and got out of the car, which, btw, was flipped on it's side, and ran up the street to my uncle's to get help. (P.S.- He's 9)

They took both to different hospitals, and both were ok. They were released that same night. No broken bones, no bleeding, no cuts, no life threatening issues. God's hand was DEFINITELY on that car, and HIS grace was seen.
The car was, by all means, totaled.

I cut speaking to Jacob Wannabe cold turkey for a while.

I was , by all means, trying my hardest to get over the BS and get on with my life. Obviously, he had plenty of plans for Valentine's day... you know, considering he has a gf and all... so why the hell would I make an ass out of myself and make myself seem pitiful? oh HELL NO.

I went on a TWO dates , including one double date for Valentine's day 

See, what happens is this. My dad lives overseas. My mom does not date. She doesn't really even go out much, other than work, my uncle's house and the grocery store. So, when seemingly superfluous holidays come around, I try to at least show some appreciation and love for the woman's who's given up on pretty much EVERYTHING and yet, encourages and  inspires me to do EVERYTHING I want to do.
I got her a cute present, and a mug (for her desk) and a lil pink puppy that said "You're the sweetest" and lots of candy and I also took her and the boys (Dude and Chino, my brothers) out for lunch date and a movie. We even got into a photo booth and took pics of all of us, and mom kept one strip and I keep the other on my desk :)

My other date, the double date, was Me & Babes and Cocco Sooz and her then date, Spitzeh. No, that's not his name. That's my personal nickname for him.

We went out to dinner at the Olive Garden and then went to a Bar for Karaoke and drinks. Best Valentine's ever. WAAAAAY too much fun. The good thing was that we were walking distance from where we were spending the night, because we were pretty drunk by the time we left the Bar, so we walked back, drank some more and then passed out on random places of the apartment. I, for one, fell asleep half on the couch and half on the floor. Go figure.

Mom quit her Job. Well, one of them anyway.

 Mom was working an Administrative Assistant for a law firm. This implies a lot of paper work and data entry. AKA: typing a lot.

In the car accident, the car flipped on it's side, landing driver's side on the pavement. When this happened, my mom was basically thrashed against the side of the car violently. This caused her wrist's ligaments to tear, swell and bruise. Which, causes wrist pain. Which screws you up when you are trying to type.

She had a medical license for 14 days, but even when she went back, she was still in pain. After a month of forcing herself, I eventually encouraged her to stop pushing herself so hard.

So she quit.
She's still working part time as a Crew Leader at the Restaurant though, so at least she's not completely out of it.

We have no car.

If you've ever been to Atlanta, you know that, unless you live in the downtown area, having no car is a pain. In the ass. 

we were basically screwed. Because I had to take Marta to campus every other day and then stay at a friend's during the week, take a bus to work and walk about 1.5 miles to get there and pay cabs to come home. A few friends pitched in and took me home after work, including Cuban Hottie, Dumdum and even Pilot. 

We get a car again, finally

After what seemed an eternity, we got a car again :)

The other accident victim (which, let me add, was not a victim. Dude straight up slammed his SUV into my mom's car and then said "I have no idea what happened") was, thank God, insured with a decent policy, and after looking at the car and the conditions, the insurance company called it totaled and paid my mom a hefty sum for her car.

So, she ended up getting a Honda Accord 2002. Which, I will now add, she does not like much.

She says, and I quote, that the car "doesn't represent her values" and what "she stands for" and does not "portray an accurate image of her". Uhm. Whatever.

She doesn't like the color either, it's silver. Her Volvo used to be Burgundy; which I have to admit, did seem a lot more like her. Oh... and she doesn't feel safe in her new car either. She wants another Volvo. Ah... dealing with life post-facto. She eventually got back on the road and is now doing a lot better and feeling a lot more confident.

Planning my trip- and everything else

So, I decided to go to DR to visit. Checked online fares. Called Mom. Got the ok. Called my aunt in DR, go the ok. Bought the ticket. However, a couple things happened after that.

My passport was expired. When I went to renew it, I noticed, my ID was expired.

I spent a WHOLE DAY in the DDS (direction of Driver's services) to get the ID renewed and then paid A WHOLE LOTTA MONEY to get my passport renewal expedited by mail.

Then it got returned to my house, saying I had to apply in person, because it was my first time applying as an Adult, and of course I had to pay some more fees. But all good.

Then my brother forgot to go to court for some traffic tickets. And then got arrested for driving with a suspended license. I ended up using some (most) of my vacation spending $$ on bailing him out, but (SIGH) whatever keeps Moms happy needs to be done. So done it was.

I wentto DR. Hurrraayyyy!

 After what seemed an eternity, but was only 2 years, I went back to DR to visit. For the sad amount of 6 days. Depressing? Kinda. Still better than not having gone.

Stayed at my aunt's. Went to my cousin's quinceañera celebration (if you don't know what it means, Google it. Cause Seriously) and stayed at a resort 6 hours away from the city for the weekend. I ate like an animal, got sick, went to the pool, went to the beach, realized I forgot my camera in GA and had a blast with my cousin. I went back home, spent a few days with the gramps, who also decided to torture me and have me visit every last uncle I had in the city, to go and say hello and goodbye basically, since I was leaving like the day after.

I went to an AWESOME concert with Ally J, in the flesh. She basically got me back for taking her to a Braves' game that had an All American Reject's concert after.  The Hard Rock Café in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic is a HELLUVA lot nicer than the one in Atlanta, GA. I'm just saying. Oh, and let me add, Dominican Republic is the first Caribbean/ Latin American Country to have an IKEA. Showoffs.

Anyhow, I went back home to GA and then had some sort of trouble re-adjusting into life.

Spoiled & Sheltered vs. Struggling & Independent

While I was in DR, my grandmothers were avidly trying to convince me to stay back at home, and well... Live there.

And I then realized the fundamental differences of the lifestyles I have there and here.

Over there, I am an upper-middle class young lady, who, among other things, does not have to work, has a chauffeur, gets weekly facials,  massages and my hair done, and has everything paid for by the family. All I have to do is just... go to school.

 But alas, it's not quite that simple. See, we're breeding THAT version of Jezz for marriage and well, kids and a house. After she graduates from College, of course.

But over here, I'm strugglin'. Oh I'm strugglin. From riding the bus and the train because I have no car, to waking up at the crack of dawn to go to school on only 2 days of the week, and then working 10 hours a day and finding study time and socialize and keep some sort of sanity and everything else... it gets tough to say the least. However, I do have INDEPENDENCE. Financially, having my own income means I get to do whatever I want with that money, Which mostly goes to paying bills at home, but that's not the point.

Emotionally, I'm free date as I will... as long as it's not serious enough to give my parents a heart attack.

And well... deciding what I want to do with my future for my self- marry or not marry, kids or no kids, travel or work, whatever- is in essence, priceless.... but damn... this shit is HARD!

Eventually, my head have up on the nonsense ideas I was having on staying in DR.

The date with Canadian Kermit

Before I went to DR, and after I tried renewing my passport the first time, I was asked to go, with an acquaintance, to Canada, no less, and attend his cousin's wedding. He even offered to pay the cost of the trip for me to go. I told mom about this, and instead of her usual panic, she was actually GAME to let me go. WTF mom?! I would've gone, if not for 2 things: My passport was still not renewed. AKA: I couldn't leave the country; and I couldn't take days off from work for a wedding and then a week later take days off for vacation. That would've been just too much to ask. So no Canada trip. However, my invitor, still swears to this day, he does not remember me explaining this to him. Once I got back from DR, he called and demanded I go on a date with him. LOL.
I agreed to go, and of course, my mom went head over heels for the idea.... uhm, ok mom. The date was nice - Atlantic Seafood for dinner, then a movie (Shutter Island). We had great conversation and he's a riot to be around... but I could never take him seriously as a person.

His vocie, -I SWEAR- sounds like Kermit from the Muppets. Add the tipical Canadia -"eh" to every other word, and well... it's just too funny. In a not so funny way. It gets kinda annoying after a while. :S  Oh, and he's the type of guy that totally diggs me being hispanic for some odd reason (which is something I have yet to understand, but I mean, whatever) so that kinda puzzled me little. But whatever. There was talks of a second date, but nothing ever materialized. Oh well. I'm not crushed or whatever. That's kinda because...

I started talking to Jacob Wannabe Again... and then went to visit. Again.

What had happened was.... 

Shit I don't have an excuse. The dude is like my most amusing, favorite fucked up mistake ever. I can live with that.

Before I left for DR, I had already gone and visited and got pissed when he tried to make a move on me and then talked again to him and set some ground rules to our complicated & dramatic friendship.

The second time visiting him, once I came back from my trip, was rather more civilized and calm, and well, just regular stuff. Hang out. Lunch. Movie. Same old Same old. Minus the hot making out. I was focused on trying to be good.... even though I kinda failed, but that's another story for another time.

The changes- Oh DAYMN

So after I came back from DR, and was rather miserable with everything for a while, things started to change.

CoccoSooz moved from one apt to another. Still in Student Housing though. Spitzeh and CoccoSooz are officially dating, which is rather cute. I sorta kinda officially got back together with Babes... heavy on the sorta kinda part.

Mom decided we should move, and I kinda pushed her into that. She went around and checked on a few apartments, and we found one we like.  I applied as the main leaser... and much to my own surprise, I got it. 

So now, it's all the moving around that's going to drive me crazy.

I'm moving tomorrow, with the help of my wonderful crew: Dude, Cuban Hottie, Clueless (Cuban Hottie's older brother), Chino, Babes and I. Mom's going to be working, so I'm basically the Captain of the crew... and shit, I better be. I'm the one paying the bills biznotches!! I'm sure as hell not moving any furniture down from the 3rd floor where I live in now. Oh, in case you're wondering, my new apt is now closer to the city, and also closer to where my office eventually relocated. Still a 2 bedroom, it's a little smaller that the one I currently live in... but it's a whole lot nicer. It's got a little balcony, a REALLY nice kitchen, and plenty of closets to go around. It's about 10 feet away from the pool in one direction and 10 feet away from the grilling area in another direction and 10 feet away from the tennis court in another direction. Oh, and it's also on the 1st floor. I was head over heels the first time I saw it. lol. oh, and it's cheaper too. lol.

I went with mom to check out the assigned Elementary school, where my lil bro will now be going, and also to the closest church. We discovered that there's a river nearby (I'm still in Middle of Nowhere, Suburbs, GA) and several parks are close by.

I'm completely excited and can't wait to start moving!!!!

Other random BS that's happened:

-I have an Asian professor, who's last name is Ho. Yeah... this makes for random jokes that the professor doesn't quite understand but still laughs at. He hasn't quite figure out why they call him Mrrrrrr. HOE!! lol

-I haven't shown up to a class in 3 weeks. What happens is this: I work until 12 on Thursday. This means, I don't usually get to bed until 2-ish, sometimes later. But the class in question is on Friday 8am. So I have to be up at 6 to get to class by 8. Every Friday, my mom pities me and lets me sleep in. SO I never get my ass to class. Oh, btw, next week is midterms. (minor FML moment here). I have however, at least kept up with my assignments :P nana nana naaa- NAHH!! 

Anyhow, I can't think of much else that I left out.

Matter of fact, consider this my official catch up post. Fuck the other posts that I have saved as drafts with all the same things I just condensed here. 

I'll try my hardest to kept everything current, but I make no promises.. I got a heavy week ahead of me.

I will close out with this final thought. 2010 is being, by far and wide, a year of change by trial and error and by mistakes and bumps.

I can feel all the changes that are coming, slowly and I know that they are coming for the better. Sooner, better, more abundant, beyond imaginable blessing are coming and I'm not even sure how I'm going to handle all of the, but Divine Providence is incredibly amazing and humbling.

Changes are, in many ways, the path to growth as people, and friends, lovers, children, parents, dreamers, poets, fools in love and bickering idiots. Like a plant that needs pruning to cut off the dried and dead stems and leaves, we also must re-evaluate our goals, refocus our aim and shoot for the stars again.

Changes are, by all means, the road between who we are and who we want to be, and where we came from to where we want to go.

Anyhow, I'm out y'all... I'm exhausted and got a hefty week ahead.

TTYLS.

-Jezz ♥

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”- Anthony Brandt

 

“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

 

“If you don't create change, change will create you”

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”  - Anatole Frances

 

 

An Awkward Moment- Courtesy of Jezzuka's drama ridden life

At the beginning of the year, I decided, against my better judgement, to hang out with the dominican crew and watch Star Wars.
We only watched 2 episodes, and, also I managed to unleash some sort of demon and wreck havoc on my New Year's resolution of ridding myself of Jacob Wannabe.
After a reality check and a good conversation on dating with my brother, I was still up to no good.

An Awkward Moment- Courtesy of Jezzuka's drama ridden life

Well now. 

In some sort of attempt to be complicated, as advised by my brother, I decided to hang out with Pilot, Jacob's best friend, and my mom's best friend's son.

He picks me up at home, and we head over to his house. We talk, play rockband, grab some food. Eventually decide to watch the 3rd Star Wars movie. At the time, this seemed like a good idea.

-Funny side note-

In the secret santa, Pilot's brother, Movie (who humped my leg in a gorilla suit on New Year's Eve) was his giver. He asked Pilot what he wanted, and Pilot, ever so much the dork of the family, says he wants a Snuggie.

During the secret santa, Pilot opens his gift, rather enthusiastically, only to find that, he DID in fact, get a snuggie. He proceeds to yell: IT WAS A JOKE! making a hilarious moment for all of us who knew the back story.

Well, after a week or two of movie nights, Pilot turned out to love the damn thing, proclaiming to all who listen: THIS IS THE BEST SHIT EVER!
In a sort of awkward, funny moment he tells me this: Dude, the snuggie should have an extra sleeve, for when you have a boner.

>_<

There is no hope for the male psyche.

Anyhow, back to my story.

We decide to watch episode 3 of Star Wars and everything was going fine. We're sitting side by side, sharing a bowl of pop corn and talking at times.

Except I was getting sleepy and started to fall asleep during the movie. 

Apparently, during my dozing off, my head started rolling towards him.

I ended up snuggling into his shoulder and passing out for a third of the movie. This is the messed up part: He didn't wake me up. He just watched the movie and let me sleep. 

I woke up, kinda puzzled and embarrassed, mortified with the thought that I might've drooled on his shoulder and feeling kinda awkward. He was pretty much ok with it, and didn't put much thought into it.

I was afraid this would lead to talking about that awkward incident we had the last time we hung out... the one in which we ended up kissing... and then forgetting about.

We did, indeed talk about it for a bit, but basically agreed that it was just a slip and not something neither one of us was serious about. Whew. Major elephant out of the room. Thank god that was solved.

As if on some sort of cue, Jacob calls. As tempted as I was to just say I was busy and not bother at all...  I was just awful as hell and picked up the phone and left the room, leaving also, Pilot on his own. But hey, it's his house anyway, so it doesn't make me THAT bad, does it?

Anyhow. I talk to Jacob... but I don't mention where I'm at or who I'm with. I'm not sure why, but it seemed like some sort of code violation to hang out with his best friend and then shove it in his face. Not that he doesn't deserve it. I don't know. Maybe I was just paranoid about having kissed Pilot once and then "forgetting" it happened at all.

We talked for a bit. Eventually, I come up with some sort of lame excuse and get off the phone. I get back to the couch, only to find the movie is pretty much over. Anakin is marrying Queen Amidala and I don't miss the irony in the scene I come back to.

Pilot asks who I was talking to, and I willingly 'fess up. In a sense, at least in a tactical sense, talking to HIS best friend wasn't the brightest idea. Or maybe it was THE brightest idea. I don't know, really.

All I know is that before I can figure out what I'm saying, I'm talking about the whole situation, and for once, venting about it to a REAL, LIVE person and feeling shitty and  embarrassed and remorseful.

Go fucking figure.

Pilot, in some sort of chivalrous empathy, listens and kinda tries to comfort me a bit. He also takes it upon himself to warn me that Jacob's behavior isn't new- it's a vicious cycle. 

This, I think, was something I needed to hear.

Eventually, I go home and as I'm headed to bed, Jacob texts.

Yes, I texted back.

I know, I'm a mess. Sue me.

It might help.

Laters

-Jezz

Part IV: I dont have a name for this one- Yep it's that bad

On my last phone call from Jacob Wannabe, he mentioned the dominican crew watching Avatar and also having a Star Wars marathon, with a date to be determined.
So after my self-proclaimed triumph over PB & Jacob Wannabe on the New Year's Eve party, I was feeling... relieved but... not quite... I don't know what to call it... Suffice it to say that; although I technically had closed off the Jacob Wannabe chapter with the ending year while I was still on top of the game, I was still feeling to much to say I was over it. And of course, bad habits die hard, so....

Part IV: Untitled

My last conversation with Jacob Wannabe was somewhere between Secret Santa and New Year's eve.

At the New Year's eve I felt his eyes linger a bit too long on me, even though he was with PB.

After my minor moment of glory when I finally saw PB face to face for the first time, instead of thinking about the situation less... I thought about it more. So in an effort to start the new year with a better purpose and commitment, I threw myself into sketching, and sketching and sketching and sketching some more. My insomnia came back in full bloom and I was up again past 5 am, until I literally wore myself to exhaustion and would fall asleep, pencil in hand. Not the best way to start the year, but I'm good friends with Denial, and we got along pretty well. At least I can say I got something productive out of it by building up my portfolio.

So there I was on a Saturday morning, unsuspecting and engaged in deep concentration to avoid thinking too much, and Jacob Wannabe calls.

The Star Wars marathon is happening at Pilot's house, and he's offering to pick me up and take me home. I agree, but to make things a little more difficult for me to get into a compromising situation, I said my lil bro, Chino, had to come with me, and I had to swing by my mom's job and drop off something. He agreed, so we the plans were set.

Me and Chino head out, and we make the quick stop at my mom's job. Although I told him to park, Jacob decided to  wait for me right at the door, where my mom stood and of course, went into questions of why on earth I was riding with him, and like any great hispanic mother, gave him the evil eye. She made it so much of a point that, when I got back in the car, Jacob mentioned how he knows that look from his mom's eye and knows he is not welcome at my house any time soon. Shit. At least he's clear about it, right?

We get to Pilot's house and hang out for a bit, but then head out on a popcorn run that took forever.

After we get back, my brother, instead of watching Star Wars with us, has decided to go play PS3. Pilot takes the recliner. Movie & Pilot's dad take the love seat. Jacob and I are left looking at each other and I just head for the big sofa and sit on one end, while he sits at the other end.

By male consensus, they decide to turn on the fans, even though we're at the lowest temperature we've had all season, but hey, I was outnumbered and decided to tough up. But who was I kidding?  I have cold feet, both literally and figuratively. I was raised in the Caribbean, with warm weather year-round. I'm not made for cold. However, in a fuss, I grabbed a throw and snuggled up.

In light of the fact that I'm sitting in the same sofa as Jacob, I build a wall with the cushions in the middle of it, just to make a point. My point was short lived though, because he had the big bowl of popcorn  and the ice and I had the cheezeits and the soda. Crap. Oh well. I tried.

We started watching the first movie, and we were both texting during it. Not each other! just texting people. I, for one, was texting my cousins, and if I know anything about Jacob, I can bet he was texting PB. *sigh*

Since I had never seen any of the Star Wars movies, Jacob kept making comments about the movie and the plot. The problem with this is that we were too far for me to hear him and I was bent on sitting as far as possible, so every time he said something I had to lean towards him and grab his arm to pull myself closer and be able to listen. I didn't mind too much, as long as I went back to my little corner and curled up.

The second movie comes up, and by this point, I've curled up into a ball in hopes of preserving my body heat and to make myself stop shivering. Jacob, in turn, has decided to look for every single possible reason to find something to say to me, making me grab his arm constantly and lean in. Now at first he had some legit things to say, but after he ran out of spoilers to tell me about the plot, he just started asking me dumb questions like "Are you cold?"(I was still shivering, so clearly I was, even when I denied it),  "Are you thirsty?" (I had the soda next to me), "Are you hungry?" (I had a box of cheezits on my lap), and my personal favorite "Are you okay??". YES JACOB I am MF OKAY with your happy ass sitting close and trying to make conversation like all of last fall and winter did not happen and you didn't decided to stop dating me and bring your ex to the family's New Year's eve party. I am PERFECTLY FIIINE.

Somwhere along the second movie, my mom starts freaking out and wants me home. Because I know that this is all due to Jacob being there, I decide to be a nuisance and tell her she has to pick me up, fully knowing that because Pilot's mom is one of her closest friends, I'll stay longer. HAHA.

We finish the second movie, and Pilot's asking for a rockband break before the third one. I'm game, and we resume our regular positions: I do the vocals, Jacob is on bass and Pilot's on drums. Things should not be this easy.

My mom throws a fit and has me get ready to leave because, well, she said so, treating me like a pre-teen. I fully live up to the role, and at 21, manage to throw a fit worthy of a 13 year old who has suddenly lost cell phone privileges, and manage to get to her to let me stay.

Cause see, even though I wasn't talking to Jacob much, even though we were not on good terms, and even though we're just watching a movie with everyone there... He was there and that made the difference, as much as I hated to admit it to myself.

So back to Rockband it is.... but then my mom's car was frozen up... and wouldn't start. Pilot, who reminds me of the better memories I have of my dad, goes to help her out and checks the car, and pulls it into his driveway. He offers to fix it, but says it has to be in the morning cuz, well, it's freezing.

He did offer my mom a ride home, and at this point, I have to head home. Shit. Not cool.

Pilot and I ride on the front seat while Chino, mom and yeah, you guessed it, Jacob ride in the back. And for moments like this, I love, admire and hate my mom all at once. We start driving off and the first question out of my mom's mouth is "So how are the girlfriends doing, guys?" Jacob stammers, Pilot turns on music and I laugh because I see how much I am like my mom, pushing on the awkward subject for the sake of amusement. We talk about the car, and before I know it, we're home. So off to home I go. Like a good kid.

Except I'm not that much of a good kid.

Pilot and Jacob leave, and at home I snuggle up in pj's and go back to my hard labor of sketching. Except that I can't quite focus because, well, I just can't. In an effort to get my life together and get some rest, I take some over-the-counter sleeping pills, and against my better judgment, decide to text Jacob.

When he leaves Pilot's house, about 20 minutes later, he calls. Of course, my happy ass was half asleep, but I still answered. We talk a bit and he laughs at my teenage like anger. We crack a couple jokes from the night, and he mentions how he's right around the block from my house and offers to stop by, and well... I said, sure, why not, without really thinking through the consequences. Both of us surprised at the answer, he says he'll be there in a minute and we hang up. Only then I come to realize, it's 2:30am, and I'm in pjs and look like Frankenstein's bride, and shit, he's already here.

I say fuck it, grab a jacket and bed booties and downstairs I go, to meet with the enemy and forbidden fruit.

And the thing is, that even if I had tried to predict how the night would pan out, I would've been soo far off it's not even funny. It's just sad.

Nothing I could have said to myself would have prepared me for what came.

to be continued...

Wait for the next episode in which I go back on new year resolutions on the 2nd day of the year and dig a hole too deep to get out of...

Part III: Looked over, not overlooked [The face to face encounter]

Well damn. In the last part of the story, I explained how Pilot and I were kinda caught in a compromising situation... and then forgot it ever happened.
After an unexpected call from Jacob Wannabe, the bickering is set aside and the search for the perfect red dress failed. However, that wouldn't deter me from my mission of looking like a million bucks at the NYE party and makin' ma momma proud of the genes she passed on.

Part III: Looked over, but not overlooked

After I had finally given up on my quest to convince my boss to let me leave early on New Year's eve.... I find out, I have pending Paid Time Off, that does NOT roll into the new year.

So I gotta just lose my hard worked paid time off?! Oh HELL no.

I throw a minor tantrum and rant about how I've been forced to work EVERY holiday this year and I have not complained, and how the company was not acting ethically by having the same people working on holidays when clearly, the same people were getting all the holidays off.

So, my PTO was used so I could leave early. Granted, they spread out the hours over 3 different day, but I was leaving early enough to get there before 12 so I didn't mind too much honestly.

The day comes around. I get to work with my after-work kit: dress, heels, necklace and make up, which mainly consisted of black mascara and red lipstick.

10:30 rolls around and I rush out to change and look like a million bucks, or as close as I can get in a bathroom stall at work. And SHIT. It worked alright. At this point, I didn't really know if the red lipstick would look good with everything else.... but once I had it on... Kaboom.

I had my own little Bow-chicka-bow-wow moment in the bathroom when I realized that, despite lacking the red dress, I had the badass bitch look on me and I was ready to rock it.

Make that boy regret his decisions was at the top of my list of final achievements for 2009.

I had worn my trench coat to work that day, which proved to be a good idea, since the black dress rather short and I kinda wanted to have a BANG moment when I decided to take off the coat.

I got there, but everyone was downstairs at that point, so no major coat moment.

I head down and... everyone is there... My heart starts skipping beats and my hands are shaking and my knees are weak... I mean.... I thought I could do this, but I start realizing there are some flaws in my plan. For one, everyone there has a date, and I'm the only one who's gonna be painstakingly single there... and as much as I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter, I was there by myself. An accomplice in my plan would have at least spared me the awkward moment in which I had to stand on my own cuz everyone else was making out with their respective date, if anything, by making conversation with me and providing comedic relief. But no. Here I was on my own at the verge of a stairway to hell and feeling my self-assurance plummet deeply and quickly. This was not good.

What kicked me out of my funk was...

...a gorilla suit.

Pilot's younger brother, whom we'll call Movie, had dressed up in a gorilla suit and danced around to a techno beat. As I was staring down at those damn stairs, he ran up, and, right by the door frame decided to hump my leg.

Yes. This is real life. I was relieved from a panic attack by a guy who humped my leg in a gorilla suit. Go friggin figure.

I get to the bottom of the stairs and just walk into the party, hoping that I don't have one of my fainting episodes and ruin the grand entrance, and well, fuck up my moment.

And there they were. First thing I saw in the room. Jacob and PB and everyone else.

You know how you can feel someone's eyes on you? Looking at you? I felt it alright.

She stared. He did a double take and then a look over. I looked at them both in the eye... and then laughed.

Because I'm a brave little solider, I battled on, and went straight to the back of the room in search for some liquid courage in the from of alcohol... but there was none. Water was the only other option at this point. As much as I had enjoyed the entrance, there was still the rest of the party to deal with and my hands were still shaking.

But on I went, and said hello to everyone, starting by the person next to Jacob and "failing to notice" that they were there.

I walked around a bit, got a lot of compliments and managed to ease my nerves a bit and just loosen up. I talked to some of my friends, danced a little, got ready for the ball dropping (we see it on the projector screen every year), and pretended to be cool by leaving the room every time I got a call, which happened 3 times.

I'll admit that I was watching to see if he was looking and his eye caught mine a couple times to which I just looked away.

I got my drink for the new years toast, huddled with my brother and braced myself for the arrival, but my brother scurried away when the countdown began and I stood there, unfortunately, behind the evil two on my own.

Except that, like all magical moments in life, in the last 10 seconds, my grandparents arrived and I was caught by the New Year hugging my gramps and feeling overjoyed.

Well damn.

That wasn't so bad after all. Sure as hell beat nagging my brother to kiss my cheek. lol.

We sing happy birthday for my brother, and who woudda thunk it, Jacob's mom, both of whose birthdays are January1st.

After that I left the room. I got a bunch of text messages at once and of course, I had a couple calls coming through.

By the time I came back downstairs, they had both left.

After that, my night was just fun. Danced a little. Laughed a lot. Ate like crazy. Chilled with the dominican crew. Talked with a couple friends. Made a few new ones.

But, that split second double take still lingered in my mind.

I was most certainly not over looked that night.

Don't miss the next part of the story, in which I explain The Star Wars movie night and hope that Ally doesn't want to kill me.

Catch y'all laterz

-Jezz

Part II: 3 people, 2 conversations, and the search for a red dress

After an intense night of bickering with Jacob Wannabe, Pilot intervened and cut off the drama. Little did I expect what he had in store. After the Secret Santa party, I agreed to stay later with the guys and watch a movie. Pilot started to explain why he butted into the conversation, and ended up coming clean about a crush.

Part II: 3 people, 2 conversations, and the search for a red dress

So damn.

Pilot has a crush on me?

[How middle school does that sound?]

After a brief minute of awkward silence in which I'm -as usual- dumbstruck in confusion, he kissed me.

*Please note the wording here.*

And crap... he was a better kisser than I would've though too.

So after another slightly awkward silence, we're in a compromising situation where I'm thinking: There is something SO WRONG in this mess, and he's thinking "I feel like I'm betraying Jacob" and well... there's no undo button in real life.

Well fuck.

Uhm... so yeah. About that.

We keep talking and agree that this is just... uhm... the twilight zone and well... I can't remember anything.

So yeah. The end.

I guess.

The next day, Jacob calls.

To my own surprise, he apologized for the Secret Santa. Uhm... okaaay...

He goes on to mention he really liked his Secret Santa present, and said that it was a size too small. He asked for a gift receipt to which I answered that I put in the bag, and *aw shucks* he must've lost it [haha]. He asks where I bought it, to which I assure him that it must've been Ross, even though I knew it was Target.

So, he goes on to mention that the dominican crew is watching Avatar soon at a 3-D theatre and also having a Star Wars marathon and invited me to come along to both. I said it would be cool hanging out with the guys before the quarter started again Monday, and told him to let me know.

I mean, everyone's going, so it shouldn't be too bad right? Besides, I've been cooped up home all winter break depressed about everything and sketching like a possessed artist in the verge of insanity.

SO at this point, there's another problem boiling over: The red dress.

I had agreed, after being threaten to death by fashion students, to wear a red dress to the NYE party [to which Jacob Wannabe decided he was taking PB as his date] and look like a million bucks... except... well, all the red dresses in the state of GA had disappeared into a big black hole and no-one could find them. I went to 5 malls in search of the damn thing and NADA! no one red dress that did not say "old" or "tacky" on it.

I was forced to make a back up plan in which... well, I wore a black dress.

So black dress shopping I went. And I found one... oh yeah I did.

I found a black dress and then I found a gold necklace and then I found gold shoes and... it was a wrap.

When I tried that black dress... I kid you not... I knew it was the one. The fit was perfect. It even made my butt look big lol. SO yeah. It was pretty much a wrap.

The final issue was work. I work a late shift, so I'm usually in past midnight. The problem ensued that I didn't want to be at work past midnight on NYE. Well duh.

After a month's work of insistence and reluctance, I finally resigned myself with the fact that I wouldn't be able to get there before 12 cuz of work.

Oh well. *sigh*

to be continued...

Part I: The Secret Santa Debacle [aka Coming Clean: The Great Revelation]

SO in the last post I skipped from Episode II in star wars to a drastic change of emotion on JWB.
yeah about that...
It was past 6 am and I had no common sense.
Or I can blame it on Never mind, that part came after.
So here ye, hear ye. 
In this post I go back to the beginning, sort of, and start to explain the holiday season drama. The finale is yet to come, although you guys kinda already had a preview anyway. 

Part I: The Secret Santa debacle

My last explanatory post was me being pissed about the Secret Santa draw, in which, out of 17 people, I get the ONE person I'm avoiding like a plague. Let's pick it up from here.

I avoided the though of the secret santa completely, in hopes that it would somehow, magically change the outcome of my draw and I wouldn't have to get the guy a present.
Haha.
Didn't work.
The day of the Secret Santa, I'm at Target trying to figure out the most classiest, discreet fuck off present I could find. I had to keep it clean though, the family was going to be there for the opening of the presents.
So...
I bought him a tshirt I knew for a fact he would really like.
In a size too small
and didn't add a gift receipt.
HAHA. Take that MF~!

I get back home and get dressed. Looking rocker chick cool with pumps so high that the heel could stab someone easily, I was put together without trying too hard.
Pilot picks me up, we hang out at his house before everyone gets there.
Jacob calls me and offers to come pick me up at my house, but I totally diss him off cuz I already made my own plans and I'm cool like that.
Guests arrive. We're all there. Rockband comes on, and we're back at the usual spots: Pilot does drums, Jacob does bass, I do vocals and everyone else rotates on guitar.
Jacob sits next to me and we talk, sort of, with sarcastic, bitter comments flying back and forth and me trying to keep face and hold my own as Jacob is bent in causing as much damage with his words as I could imagine. I felt like I was being torn apart bit by bit.
Pilot eventually stepped in the conversation and cut it off cuz well, it was getting outta hand and it was kinda obvious I wasn't too happy about it either...
The Karaoke comes on and then I'm stuck singing "I will survive" in front of everyone and well, shit, I got into it and managed to sneak a dirty look or two at the MF... I mean, might as well, right?
Anyhow, we gather to open presents. Pilot's mom has said that We have to describe the person we're giving the present to, and say something nice about him/her. [Moments like this make me realize God has a fucked up sense of humor].
Pilot was my Secret Santa, and gave me a pj set and fuzzy blue slippers.
This may seem rather random, but it was actually an invitation to stay for the whole party spend the night over with the rest of the fam on new year's eve/new year's day.
I get up, and start off that the person I'm secret santa is ... dominican. (like everyone else is)... and a guy... goes to college.. and ... can you tell I was pretty much struggling for words?I eventually give up on the pretense and just say he like martial arts and engineering and it's Jacob.
I hand him the present and well, just avoid looking at him at all costs.
He shows off the tshirt and says he likes it, and well the end. We stuck around til it ended.
Jacob decided to leave and Pilot walked him out n they talked for a bit.
I was just happy it was over with.
We go back to Karaoke. My mom is hanging out and chilling, me and Pilot get into the  karaoke, get in a couple of songs and dance and sing and laugh and had a good time.
Everyone starts leaving and my mom was heading out too... I was about to head out when Pilot suggests I stay a while longer and he'll take me home. I say cool, and we watch Ferris Bueller's day off.
The thing is that... somewhere along the line... he decided to explain why he cut off the conversation earlier between me and Jacob and well, comes clean and says that he has a crush on me.
O_O WHAAAAAAT?!

to be continued....

What had happened was....

I swear it wasn't my fault!

Ok, well, kinda.
Y'all already know where this post is going.
I did... again.
Well, actually, not kinda.
So what, yeah, I hung out with Jacob wannabe again.
Let me make it clear that this was on a Friendship-only basis, and there was no date-ish crap involved. Ok maybe a little. He bought me a milkshake and paid for my entrance to the movie. The END.
Anyhow, all in all it went pretty well. Rather insightful day it was.

In light that we haven't really hung out recently, we were just catching up, talking both amongst ourselves and with our friends, Blackwhite guy and American Kate Winslett; who were house sitting for some of their friends.
Jacob wannabe's been rather caught up in his own drama, to which, after lending an ear for him to vent some frustration, I'll limit myself to saying is rather fukttup, and with which I have maintained myself as far as possible. I sure as hell don't wanna be there when shit hits the fan cause it ain't going to be pretty.

On the other hand, I can tell you that I figured out that I like my dogs the way I like my men. lmao. This came to light because where we were there were 3 dogs: 2 Great Danes and a Doberman.
Back in the day, (which was a Wednesday by the way.... Dane Cook joke) in DR, I had 2 Rottweilers, which had several litters together. The very last litter was birthed in the guest bathroom of my house, and for almost 5 months, we had a set of 12 puppies running around the yard, yapping away with their adorable baby barks.
Anyhow, for those of you that don't know, a doberman is pretty much the anorexic version of a Rottweiler. Literally, they have the same marks, the same features, same colors. The only (Very noticeable) difference is well, weight/build.
Now, I don't wanna hear none of that BS that people say about Rottweiler's being vicious and big. They are big softies. I loved my rotties and to this day, anytime I see one I get overwhelmed by an intense desire to hug one.
That said, after some thinking.... I came to the conclusion that the Pilot is to Jacob Wannabe as a Doberman is to a Rottweiler.
Well DAMN! I'll admit that I burst out in laughter at the thought of it, cuz, well... yeah about that.
So, with that said... I'll stand by the fact that I like my men like I like my dogs: built, scary looking, big softies, and that are able to make me feel safe, and well, with some meat on their bones! lol

Back to the real theme of the post, the date-ish thing whatever with Jacob Wannabe and our friends went pretty well. Nothing overwhelming. Watched the movie "The Box" (a post on that is coming later on), went back to the house, cooked some chill and rice, and ate while watching "I love you Beth Cooper". Went back home. The end.
We spent over 2 hours talking when he dropped me off home... and well, what can I say? I like the guy. I like a lot of things about him...  but damn, there are plenty of UGLY things in there too.... most of which are deal breakers for me.

But, on the brighter side of things, listening to him talk about all his BS & drama, I finally finally FINALLY figured out why the hell I have such a damn infatuation with the guy:
He is literally, EVERYTHING I WANT, wrapping up EVERYTHING I DON'T.
How's that for an relationship version of Pandora's box.
the fuckktup part about everything is that KNOWING and SEEING the ugly parts does not, very regrettably, take away the attraction to the good parts... so yeah... about that... since we all do what we can or what we must... the only real thing I can say is that I gotta keep ma distance.

In even greater news, I can say I am anxiously waiting on Thursday....
NEW MOON bitzniches!!
I'm going to the midnight premiere straight outta work :P
So even if I can't get the reality checked version of Jacob in my life, I can at least watch the "real" Jacob, in the movie, and dream like a 12 year-old school girl crushing on the cute boy in class. lol
I've already got my ticket, lest it should happen to be sold out (yes, it has happened pretty much everywhere around here), and I'm going with my besties  :) I'm even dragging Babes into this one lol
I'll leave y'all with a poster of the good stuff in the movie :P

Catch y'all laters
-Jezz ♥

An update on the Jacob Wannabe Saga

This one is just a factual post, to keep the story rolling in with the develoments of the Jacob Wannabe Saga. It's a rather long story, so don't blame me for making it a bulleted list of the peak moments. and by peak I do not necesarily mean good.

• Monday: we hung out, he had brought me ice cream, my fave flavor, and we watched a movie.
• Tuesday: We cancel the skydiving plans for the weekend because of the Weekend weather forecast: rain, rain and more rain. We agree to hang out with the dominican crew, and some of his friends, and I agree to go to a stip club with them and one of the gf's of the guys. I still keep Sunday off from work, just to go the bday party with the fam.
• Wednesday: Jacob un-invites me from going to the bday party the family is having for him, because PB is going to be there. His justification explanation? "Well, the rest of the dominican crew isn't gonna stay there, they're just passing by, so I don't want you to feel awkward with me and PB and my brother... besides, you're gonna be at work anyway, right?" about that...
• Thursday: My mom tells me how Jacob's mom called to invite us to the official bday party to which I was un-invited. Needless to say, I had to explain to my mom why I wasn't going, in as little detail as possible of course. She laughed a bit though. I take up my Sunday shift again. Shit, might as well make good use of my time.
• Midnight Thursday/ Friday early morning: I hang out with Pilot, Jacob's best friend (practically his brother), and the son of my mom's best friend here in ATL. He's a sweet heart. Out of desperation and boredom, he calls me to hang out with him after I get off from work. We watched some movies, ate a midnight snack and just talked about relationships, exes, friends, and of course, Jacob. Considering Pilot has dated some of Jacob's exes (kinda nasty but hey, whatever works, I suppose?) Jacob has always been rather paranoid about me and Pilot hanging out, even though we knew each other first. Pilot and I agree to not say anything about hanging out to Jacob, just to avoid the awkwardness.
• Friday: After not talking to Jacob since the un-invitation, he decides to nag me into talking, and I blow up and say some rather.... not nice things about how he is an emmasculated little bitch and his being bitch slapped by PB. His reply? "I knoooow.... I just don't want to deal with it... I mean, it's my birthday"... Suit yourself birthday boy.
• Saturday: There are several parts to this day, because we hung out alll day.
    -He picks me up, and we debate whether to stop and get food. We decide not to because he doesn't have his debit card. PB has it because she coerced him into paying some vet bills for her dog. WTF man?! I asked him to just not say her name... and then we call her She-who-shall-not-be-named. fml.
    -We go to Pilot's house. Jacob, Pilot, Dumdum (another one of the dominican guys) and me drive 30 minutes to an airport to pick up some stuff Pilot needs. On the way there, I just sketch. I was insanely out of it... Twilight zone, lala land, seemingly high-on-drugs-staring-into-space out of it. Pilot was worried it was because of Thursday, but I later told him it wasn't. Jacob avoided the subject
    -We're eating lunch, and PB sends him an email about why she's upset because he's decided to go to a strip club. He starts reading the email out loud and I leave the table cuz I'm pissed he keeps bringing her up. I get back to the table, and they sorta keep talking about it... by now we're calling her Voldemort. (yeah, I know, kinda funny, but still not cool).
    -We're back at Pilot's house. His phone is dying, so I let him borrow my charger. He dissapears for 2 1/2 hours to talk to PB while using my charger. I hang out with Pilot and avoid talking about the whole deal.
    -Jacob reappears, pissed like a MF, ready to break shit. There was rage in his eyes. The guys (Pilot and Dumdum) get him to sit and chill for a minute. I sit and just listen cuz it was a guy moment. Apparently, she gave him an ultimatum: "Come and see me, or go to the strip club and forget I exist". When he said he was going anyway, she changed it to: "Ok, go to the strip club; but come and see me first". Nevermind the 2 hour drive involved in that. He said he wouldn't. We head out to meet Jacob's friends. He catches me on my own, and apologize repeatedly about the whole thing.
    -We meet up with Jacob's friends,BlackWhite guy and is gf, American Kate Winslett and they're happy as ever to see me. Apparently, they thought they would never again hear from me, after the PB issues (shit, I should've proved them right on their assumptions). We head out to the strip club. He texts her the whooole way there.
    -He turns off his phone and we go in. Even though there were 3 table dances on his table (me and American Kate Winslett sit at another table next to them), he kept looking at me, and talking to me, and cracking jokes. I thought it was funny as hell to see the guys faces... I laughed the whole time we were there.
    -We leave the strip club. I'm falling asleep, and he starts playing with my hair... and kisses my forehead, and cradles me in his arm... but then then turns his phone back on, and starts texting PB again. I push his hand away and give him an evil look.
    -We get to Pilot's house, and hang out for a bit. Jacob is still texting. His voice is all deep and sad and just tired. We decide to leave.
    -Jacob drops me off, and apologizes again... He keeps nagging me to say whats on my mind, and I give him a piece of it. I call him out on being a jerk, sending mixed signals, being deceiving, driving me crazy, talking about PB all the damn time, and then wanting to be all lovey-dovey with me and flirt with me in front of the family. He looks so depressed, I decide to be nice and give him a hug. He tells me he'll call when he gets home.
    -He calls. He apparently stopped by PB's house on his way home (under a death threat, yet again). He says he called her out on her bs... but honestly... I don't believe it. He keeps apologizing. I feel sorry for him, and sad cuz I got caught up in this bs, when it was the last thing I wanted to do.
• Sunday: You'd think that with all that happened, PB would NOT be invited... but she is. However, Jacob calls me first thing in the morning, and keeps telling me how he doesn't even want to be there around her. He asks me to hang out with him tomorrow afternoon, and I say ok (I know, I shouldn't have... but oh well). Later on, we have to cancel because he has an exam to study for and I have a poject to work on; but we take a rain check for Wednesday.
• Monday: I spend the day with my besties, Cocco Sooz and Babes.We cook lasagna and bake brownies, and just hang out all day. Jacob texts all day, and begs me to save him a brownie. I did... but then I ate it :) He calls to say good night, and I'm randomly puzzled, happy and concerned all at once. He also tells me how PB expects him to pay all her dog's vet bills with his birthday money. Well damn. I just limit myself to telling him he's gonna have to man up and get his balls back... cuz seriously.
• Tuesday: Jacob texts during the day, and keeps telling he he can't wait til tomorrow. He calls at 12:05 (He knows I get off work at 12:00) and tells me about his day. He also tries to casually throw in the fact that PB is well, psycho (like I didn't know that already). He tells me how she went through his fb page and saw that I posted HBD on his wall, and decided to go bzerk... uhm.... okkkayyy... and he also adds that she was gonna write a bunch of bs on my wall, but he convinced her not to... so she just deleted me from his friends. Ok seriously, WTF!!!!

Ok y'all... this was originally meant to be a short post, but I suppose it became rather extensive... so yeah... reading over it, I realize how AWFUL Jacob sounds on paper, and how much of an idiot I'm acting, but oh well... I'll just say I'm doing it for the story, for the sake of my Jacob Wannabe blog posts.
Feel free to try to smack some common sense into my mind with an rude comment. I'll take a couple of those in hopes that it'll actually work. I'm dead serious.

Catch ya later folks.

-Jezzuka