Maybe I should just post this anyway?

So well,

I've been kinda MIA.

I'm back in class. HOORAY... not quite.
I'm taking business classes only :/ not too awesome.
But I mean, it's better than not, right?

I'm a quarter away from graduating with my associate's degree, and I have no fucking idea what I want to do. o_o
Completing my bachelors is the ONLY option, for sure
But at what? Graphic Design? Photography? Arts?
I was so sure of my choices a while back, but not quite so much anymore.
I've even gone so far as to question whether I want to take a completely different turn and go for Psychology (which was my original choice, way back when) or Marketing (which I've learned I enjoy plenty).
In the end... I know I'm sticking to arts though. It catches me every time.

In somewhat positive news... I have a new hard drive, after the catastrophic fail of my other one, I now have a bright yellow hard drive that makes me giggle every time I see it. Yellow was my favorite color as a kid, and even today, it makes me happy when I see yellow things :P
When my other hard drive crashed... it happened to be right after I had backed up ALL my older files: my school work, my pictures, my blog posts, my videos and movies, my music, my sheet music... EVERYTHANG.
I was able to go to the IT guy at my school and beg him to try to recover my files -which he did- and I'll be getting ALL -well most of it anyway- my stuff back tomorrow !!! major YAY! :D

I got a ticket about a month ago ... not cool. I "forgot" to mention to my mom... and it later turned out that, because my wonderful mother is on the insurance and I am under the age of 24, I HAVE to tell her and get her to show up to court. WTF!

Other than that, life has been pretty low key... uneventful even.
I'm not talking to Jacob Wannabe anymore, this time, even to my own surprise.
See, I figured out a few things about him.
Whenever we hang out, something BAD happens within the few days after.
Like effin clockwork. It's like Karma is punishing me for going back on my word and dealing with a person I have no business with, whatsoever.
However, even with that knowledge under my belt, I was still tempted to go hang out, and being treated like a princess even when I know the rest of the circumstances to this story. In which he is NO prince charming, I might add.
Now, this was something I learned the HARD way.
I REFUSE, with a passion, to be psychotic control freak maniac that must have everything done a certain way. Specially, in a relationship. Or whatever, cause this dramatic whatever was, most certainly not, a relationship.
You are grown, and you know what's right and what's wrong. You are responsible for your actions or lack-thereof. I'm not going to fuss and nag and be a bitch to get you to do what I want. I'll ask.
It's ENTIRELY up to you whether or not you decide to, and that's ok. You're your own person with your own mind and opinions and wants and needs.
However. In being this way, I was also letting Jacob basically get away with murder.I was letting him be his own person, and have his wants and need, even when it meant that in his quest to get whatever it was he wanted, he would mislead me and also mess with MY feelings.
SO.... I caved. I decided to do the one thing I know can drive a non-committed man insane in 2 seconds flat.
I started nagging and complaining, and then talking about my feelings.
Funny how it works like a fucking charm.
Whenever he would try to cross the line... I'd get all "Sensitive" and tell him he's "an asshole" and that "He hurts my feelings" and he's "breaking my heart" and then, for good measure, I'd add that he "doesn't love me or care for me" like he should.

and VOILA!
I was surprised how EASILY the change happened.
See, I thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be different, considering we were pretty close.
But the truth is, that these are, indeed, the true colors of the man: He didn't give a fuck.
So, when it came down fight or flight... He flew.


and so, for good this time, the Jacob Wannabe Saga has ended.
It's been 3 months strong.
Hoooray for me.


anyhow my loves, I'm gone.
Gotta get some work done, lest I should be fired.

Mucho love



-Jezz ♥

I literally, don't have a thing to write about.
Seriously.

Is this the reason I keep Jacob Wannabe around?
For the sake of amusement and entertainment, at the expense of my feelings?
well damn.
Oh well.


I'm actually feeling like writing dilutes my feelings.
Which I kind of end up needing for sketching.
Oh goodness gracious....

In uninteresting  news, I'm taking an online class again... I know, I know... but it's better than not, right?

What makes me feel a little better about it all, is that I'm actually 2 quarters away from graduating from my associates degree. It sounds so big... and yet I feel like I have done NOTHING... o_O
I'm not quite sure it's supposed to be that way?


Either way, I guess I need to start looking into my options for transferring? I want to go to the Art Institute... and find a job in my field... Maybe after I have my degree I can afford to switch over industries into the good stuff... I feel like I'm under-read in life. Lol

I want to plan ahead... I always try my hardest to be 10 steps ahead of everything... but maybe the glorious joy of it all is that we can't see what's coming around the corner.

Babes is happier. Things are kinda falling into place slowly. He asked me to go to Church with him yesterday.
I'm honestly surprised and delighted by that! Go figure. The self-professed non-believer is slowly inching his steps closer...

I haven't been reading much lately... mainly because I kinda owe the library like 50 bucks in fines (which I kinda gotta pay back eventually) and can't check out any books :(

I'm hoping that somewhere in the near future my wanderings take me to Myrtle Beach for a stress free weekend, but that is yet to be seen.
I had high hopes for taking my bum to Japan for my birthday, but later decided I'd make it my graduation present and go to China instead so I could try to be there for the new year celebrations... I might even try to see my friend Ana Maria in Sweden.... that would be pretty sweet, wouldn't it? If not, then I'd probably end up visiting my dad in Spain... that would be a trip alright. Nuff Said.

I gotta go... I'm tired beyond words, and I kinda gotta be up early too... so...

catcha later

Jezz

The Dump Post: A time line of sorts. Kinda.

FYI: DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE GETTING DUMPED.

(Sorry if I disappointed ya :/)

Ok, now that said, a LOT has happened and I have yet to post the stories... but that doesn't mean I can't give you a trailer preview :P THIS IS , however, A LONG POST. Brace Yourself.

Yeahh, I'm awesome like that :D I'm just gonna dump it all in a single pot and make some sort of Jumbo out of it, LA style. Not that I've ever been there... but you get the point.

The Dump Post: A time line of sorts. Kinda

Well, my last real post ended with me sorta getting even on some pitiful level with Jacob Wannabe by making it seem as though my brother's best friend, Cuban Hottie, is kinda digging me, and then missing a bunch Jacob Wannabe's the next day.

After that, plenty has happened.

My mom got into a car accident. 

She was leaving my uncle's house and headed to go get my little brother's eye exam done, and another car steered out of his lane, into hers and hit her car head-on.

Lil' bro was a big man, and got out of the car, which, btw, was flipped on it's side, and ran up the street to my uncle's to get help. (P.S.- He's 9)

They took both to different hospitals, and both were ok. They were released that same night. No broken bones, no bleeding, no cuts, no life threatening issues. God's hand was DEFINITELY on that car, and HIS grace was seen.
The car was, by all means, totaled.

I cut speaking to Jacob Wannabe cold turkey for a while.

I was , by all means, trying my hardest to get over the BS and get on with my life. Obviously, he had plenty of plans for Valentine's day... you know, considering he has a gf and all... so why the hell would I make an ass out of myself and make myself seem pitiful? oh HELL NO.

I went on a TWO dates , including one double date for Valentine's day 

See, what happens is this. My dad lives overseas. My mom does not date. She doesn't really even go out much, other than work, my uncle's house and the grocery store. So, when seemingly superfluous holidays come around, I try to at least show some appreciation and love for the woman's who's given up on pretty much EVERYTHING and yet, encourages and  inspires me to do EVERYTHING I want to do.
I got her a cute present, and a mug (for her desk) and a lil pink puppy that said "You're the sweetest" and lots of candy and I also took her and the boys (Dude and Chino, my brothers) out for lunch date and a movie. We even got into a photo booth and took pics of all of us, and mom kept one strip and I keep the other on my desk :)

My other date, the double date, was Me & Babes and Cocco Sooz and her then date, Spitzeh. No, that's not his name. That's my personal nickname for him.

We went out to dinner at the Olive Garden and then went to a Bar for Karaoke and drinks. Best Valentine's ever. WAAAAAY too much fun. The good thing was that we were walking distance from where we were spending the night, because we were pretty drunk by the time we left the Bar, so we walked back, drank some more and then passed out on random places of the apartment. I, for one, fell asleep half on the couch and half on the floor. Go figure.

Mom quit her Job. Well, one of them anyway.

 Mom was working an Administrative Assistant for a law firm. This implies a lot of paper work and data entry. AKA: typing a lot.

In the car accident, the car flipped on it's side, landing driver's side on the pavement. When this happened, my mom was basically thrashed against the side of the car violently. This caused her wrist's ligaments to tear, swell and bruise. Which, causes wrist pain. Which screws you up when you are trying to type.

She had a medical license for 14 days, but even when she went back, she was still in pain. After a month of forcing herself, I eventually encouraged her to stop pushing herself so hard.

So she quit.
She's still working part time as a Crew Leader at the Restaurant though, so at least she's not completely out of it.

We have no car.

If you've ever been to Atlanta, you know that, unless you live in the downtown area, having no car is a pain. In the ass. 

we were basically screwed. Because I had to take Marta to campus every other day and then stay at a friend's during the week, take a bus to work and walk about 1.5 miles to get there and pay cabs to come home. A few friends pitched in and took me home after work, including Cuban Hottie, Dumdum and even Pilot. 

We get a car again, finally

After what seemed an eternity, we got a car again :)

The other accident victim (which, let me add, was not a victim. Dude straight up slammed his SUV into my mom's car and then said "I have no idea what happened") was, thank God, insured with a decent policy, and after looking at the car and the conditions, the insurance company called it totaled and paid my mom a hefty sum for her car.

So, she ended up getting a Honda Accord 2002. Which, I will now add, she does not like much.

She says, and I quote, that the car "doesn't represent her values" and what "she stands for" and does not "portray an accurate image of her". Uhm. Whatever.

She doesn't like the color either, it's silver. Her Volvo used to be Burgundy; which I have to admit, did seem a lot more like her. Oh... and she doesn't feel safe in her new car either. She wants another Volvo. Ah... dealing with life post-facto. She eventually got back on the road and is now doing a lot better and feeling a lot more confident.

Planning my trip- and everything else

So, I decided to go to DR to visit. Checked online fares. Called Mom. Got the ok. Called my aunt in DR, go the ok. Bought the ticket. However, a couple things happened after that.

My passport was expired. When I went to renew it, I noticed, my ID was expired.

I spent a WHOLE DAY in the DDS (direction of Driver's services) to get the ID renewed and then paid A WHOLE LOTTA MONEY to get my passport renewal expedited by mail.

Then it got returned to my house, saying I had to apply in person, because it was my first time applying as an Adult, and of course I had to pay some more fees. But all good.

Then my brother forgot to go to court for some traffic tickets. And then got arrested for driving with a suspended license. I ended up using some (most) of my vacation spending $$ on bailing him out, but (SIGH) whatever keeps Moms happy needs to be done. So done it was.

I wentto DR. Hurrraayyyy!

 After what seemed an eternity, but was only 2 years, I went back to DR to visit. For the sad amount of 6 days. Depressing? Kinda. Still better than not having gone.

Stayed at my aunt's. Went to my cousin's quinceañera celebration (if you don't know what it means, Google it. Cause Seriously) and stayed at a resort 6 hours away from the city for the weekend. I ate like an animal, got sick, went to the pool, went to the beach, realized I forgot my camera in GA and had a blast with my cousin. I went back home, spent a few days with the gramps, who also decided to torture me and have me visit every last uncle I had in the city, to go and say hello and goodbye basically, since I was leaving like the day after.

I went to an AWESOME concert with Ally J, in the flesh. She basically got me back for taking her to a Braves' game that had an All American Reject's concert after.  The Hard Rock Café in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic is a HELLUVA lot nicer than the one in Atlanta, GA. I'm just saying. Oh, and let me add, Dominican Republic is the first Caribbean/ Latin American Country to have an IKEA. Showoffs.

Anyhow, I went back home to GA and then had some sort of trouble re-adjusting into life.

Spoiled & Sheltered vs. Struggling & Independent

While I was in DR, my grandmothers were avidly trying to convince me to stay back at home, and well... Live there.

And I then realized the fundamental differences of the lifestyles I have there and here.

Over there, I am an upper-middle class young lady, who, among other things, does not have to work, has a chauffeur, gets weekly facials,  massages and my hair done, and has everything paid for by the family. All I have to do is just... go to school.

 But alas, it's not quite that simple. See, we're breeding THAT version of Jezz for marriage and well, kids and a house. After she graduates from College, of course.

But over here, I'm strugglin'. Oh I'm strugglin. From riding the bus and the train because I have no car, to waking up at the crack of dawn to go to school on only 2 days of the week, and then working 10 hours a day and finding study time and socialize and keep some sort of sanity and everything else... it gets tough to say the least. However, I do have INDEPENDENCE. Financially, having my own income means I get to do whatever I want with that money, Which mostly goes to paying bills at home, but that's not the point.

Emotionally, I'm free date as I will... as long as it's not serious enough to give my parents a heart attack.

And well... deciding what I want to do with my future for my self- marry or not marry, kids or no kids, travel or work, whatever- is in essence, priceless.... but damn... this shit is HARD!

Eventually, my head have up on the nonsense ideas I was having on staying in DR.

The date with Canadian Kermit

Before I went to DR, and after I tried renewing my passport the first time, I was asked to go, with an acquaintance, to Canada, no less, and attend his cousin's wedding. He even offered to pay the cost of the trip for me to go. I told mom about this, and instead of her usual panic, she was actually GAME to let me go. WTF mom?! I would've gone, if not for 2 things: My passport was still not renewed. AKA: I couldn't leave the country; and I couldn't take days off from work for a wedding and then a week later take days off for vacation. That would've been just too much to ask. So no Canada trip. However, my invitor, still swears to this day, he does not remember me explaining this to him. Once I got back from DR, he called and demanded I go on a date with him. LOL.
I agreed to go, and of course, my mom went head over heels for the idea.... uhm, ok mom. The date was nice - Atlantic Seafood for dinner, then a movie (Shutter Island). We had great conversation and he's a riot to be around... but I could never take him seriously as a person.

His vocie, -I SWEAR- sounds like Kermit from the Muppets. Add the tipical Canadia -"eh" to every other word, and well... it's just too funny. In a not so funny way. It gets kinda annoying after a while. :S  Oh, and he's the type of guy that totally diggs me being hispanic for some odd reason (which is something I have yet to understand, but I mean, whatever) so that kinda puzzled me little. But whatever. There was talks of a second date, but nothing ever materialized. Oh well. I'm not crushed or whatever. That's kinda because...

I started talking to Jacob Wannabe Again... and then went to visit. Again.

What had happened was.... 

Shit I don't have an excuse. The dude is like my most amusing, favorite fucked up mistake ever. I can live with that.

Before I left for DR, I had already gone and visited and got pissed when he tried to make a move on me and then talked again to him and set some ground rules to our complicated & dramatic friendship.

The second time visiting him, once I came back from my trip, was rather more civilized and calm, and well, just regular stuff. Hang out. Lunch. Movie. Same old Same old. Minus the hot making out. I was focused on trying to be good.... even though I kinda failed, but that's another story for another time.

The changes- Oh DAYMN

So after I came back from DR, and was rather miserable with everything for a while, things started to change.

CoccoSooz moved from one apt to another. Still in Student Housing though. Spitzeh and CoccoSooz are officially dating, which is rather cute. I sorta kinda officially got back together with Babes... heavy on the sorta kinda part.

Mom decided we should move, and I kinda pushed her into that. She went around and checked on a few apartments, and we found one we like.  I applied as the main leaser... and much to my own surprise, I got it. 

So now, it's all the moving around that's going to drive me crazy.

I'm moving tomorrow, with the help of my wonderful crew: Dude, Cuban Hottie, Clueless (Cuban Hottie's older brother), Chino, Babes and I. Mom's going to be working, so I'm basically the Captain of the crew... and shit, I better be. I'm the one paying the bills biznotches!! I'm sure as hell not moving any furniture down from the 3rd floor where I live in now. Oh, in case you're wondering, my new apt is now closer to the city, and also closer to where my office eventually relocated. Still a 2 bedroom, it's a little smaller that the one I currently live in... but it's a whole lot nicer. It's got a little balcony, a REALLY nice kitchen, and plenty of closets to go around. It's about 10 feet away from the pool in one direction and 10 feet away from the grilling area in another direction and 10 feet away from the tennis court in another direction. Oh, and it's also on the 1st floor. I was head over heels the first time I saw it. lol. oh, and it's cheaper too. lol.

I went with mom to check out the assigned Elementary school, where my lil bro will now be going, and also to the closest church. We discovered that there's a river nearby (I'm still in Middle of Nowhere, Suburbs, GA) and several parks are close by.

I'm completely excited and can't wait to start moving!!!!

Other random BS that's happened:

-I have an Asian professor, who's last name is Ho. Yeah... this makes for random jokes that the professor doesn't quite understand but still laughs at. He hasn't quite figure out why they call him Mrrrrrr. HOE!! lol

-I haven't shown up to a class in 3 weeks. What happens is this: I work until 12 on Thursday. This means, I don't usually get to bed until 2-ish, sometimes later. But the class in question is on Friday 8am. So I have to be up at 6 to get to class by 8. Every Friday, my mom pities me and lets me sleep in. SO I never get my ass to class. Oh, btw, next week is midterms. (minor FML moment here). I have however, at least kept up with my assignments :P nana nana naaa- NAHH!! 

Anyhow, I can't think of much else that I left out.

Matter of fact, consider this my official catch up post. Fuck the other posts that I have saved as drafts with all the same things I just condensed here. 

I'll try my hardest to kept everything current, but I make no promises.. I got a heavy week ahead of me.

I will close out with this final thought. 2010 is being, by far and wide, a year of change by trial and error and by mistakes and bumps.

I can feel all the changes that are coming, slowly and I know that they are coming for the better. Sooner, better, more abundant, beyond imaginable blessing are coming and I'm not even sure how I'm going to handle all of the, but Divine Providence is incredibly amazing and humbling.

Changes are, in many ways, the path to growth as people, and friends, lovers, children, parents, dreamers, poets, fools in love and bickering idiots. Like a plant that needs pruning to cut off the dried and dead stems and leaves, we also must re-evaluate our goals, refocus our aim and shoot for the stars again.

Changes are, by all means, the road between who we are and who we want to be, and where we came from to where we want to go.

Anyhow, I'm out y'all... I'm exhausted and got a hefty week ahead.

TTYLS.

-Jezz ♥

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”- Anthony Brandt

 

“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

 

“If you don't create change, change will create you”

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”  - Anatole Frances

 

 

Refletions on Gravity and Gratitude

You can’t stop yourself from loving someone you shouldn’t but you can’t force yourself to love someone you’re better off with.

I got that phrase from here, at the The Bulleted Something ( a blog which I am kind of jealous of because I feel as though I should have come up with that first).
Why is it that as humans we are constantly tempted and lured by what we want but cannot have?
Why do we overlook what we get freely?
I have to wonder.
There are countless posts about me and Babes. Things of the past. A relationship that will never end: my best friend. The one who finishes my sentences and my jokes, the one who can comfort me, and ease me, the one who can soothe and relax me. The one who feeds off of my energy, who knows how to make me smile and whom I share so many memories with. He is -as of right now- the one man I trust. After knowing him for so long, and know how he and I share an indescribable bond, I am utterly open with him; I am vulnerable and sensitive and I believe he wishes no harm.
But as much as I love him, and believe me when I say I do; I can't force my curiosity out of me. I can't get these thoughts out of my head of wondering what else is out there, who else roams this world and what they are like, I can't stop asking myself if there is anyone in this world I could learn to trust and I could share a similar bond with.
Why is this? Why are we humans genetically encoded to not be content and satisfied with the things we already have in our head and hearts? Wouldn't we all be happier if we could learn to be that way?
Makes me think of John Mayer's song "Gravity". Here are the snippets that apply to this post:

"I'll never know what makes this man
with all the love that his heart could stand
dream of ways just to throw it all away"

"Twice as much, ain't twice as good
and can't sustain what one half could
It's wanting more that's going to send me
to my knees"

Well folks, this is my queue. Just remember to be content and grateful with the many blessings you already have. I'm learning to do the same with mine.

New Diggs at work

Yeah, new offices. **Pics coming soon**
They're ok I suppose.
I'm kinda starting to get tired of this job, and that's something I can't allow myself to do. I see no future growth opportunities, and I specially don't see myself applying the knowledge from my major here. Not a major disappointment, just not uplifting in any way.
The new diggs are further from home. About a 20 minute drive, as opposed to a 10 minute one. I have to admit we've been pretty lucky with our jobs, because they have all been quite near to home.
The thing about the new diggs is that we went from 3 person cube divisions will full walls, to individual cubicles that are divided at seat level. Meaning, literally, transforming into a call center. Major downer for me. I feel as though it was a downgrade for the staff, but hey, maybe that's just me.
The cubicles are also organized by work areas, so I won't be sitting near Carolyn anymore. She'll be sitting, facing me, two rows away. Sad Sad Sad. Big Momma used to scold, laugh, listen and advise me on everything you could think of. At least she'll be a holler away, right?
There is not an ounce of privacy anymore. While on the floor, anybody and everybody is visible. Which is something NOT cool with me at all. This means that I am now going to have to reduce my web surfing and actually WORK -gasp!- lest I risk getting fired, which is kinda not cool.
I do however, have a panoramic view of ... trees. There is a lake in that general direction, but since I'm sitting and there are another 3 rows of cubicles ahead of me, all I see are trees. And the office window of the COO. Great.
The company is now also changing names, and steering towards a more -call center- like appearance and operation, and it's kind of a shame for me. I guess, it's kinda that time again. After a year working at Gap, I was getting tired and depressed, the same thing that's happening now. After a year and a half, I started looking for another job. In the economy we are in, I can't afford to get a lesser-paying job, or to lose the one I have, so it looks like I might be here for a while. That does not, however, undermine the feeling of dread I get nowadays when I have to sit at work and well, work here.
Oh damn.
Anyhow folks, I gotsa get to work. Catch y'all later chumps.

Another day in the life :)
I'm actually kinda happy today.
Never mind the fact that I have very few hours of sleep behind my eyes, and that I had to come into work at 8am to get some training done (inhumane considering I don't get home til 11 on Wednesdays and then have to do school work, usually until I crack at 2 am), and the fact that I have yet to eat breakfast despite the fact that it's almost 5 pm and I have another 7 hours of work to go.
I am happy. (My mood swings scare the crap outta me sometimes though.)

Jacob wannabe is going to Florida this weekend, so I don't have to deal with the constant struggle of liking him but not letting myself like him too much.

Babes moved out of his dorm, and moved in with one of his friends from Georgia.

Last night's class with Has wasn't bad at. Matter of fact, last night's class wasn't bad at all. Considering it's a math class, and my mathematically impaired brain, and the fact that I understood everything (well, almost everything) was awesome. Austin (another math team mate) and I had some decent conversation in breaks, ranging from his wife and daghter to my brothers and school and of course how awful math is and even some latin american food he's tasted with his wife's cooking.

Next friday is the Incubus concert (YEAH!!!) and I can't wait, since I have tickets to the pit, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE (Loving my life about that :D) and a I'm taking a salsa class is September, which will be kinda fun too, considering my partner is gonna be Jacob wannabe.

My carpel tunnel is back too :/ and to make matters worse, it's also affecting my sketches a bit.
Oh, and now that I remember, I left my sketchbook on campus last night, in the math room. I didn't notice until I was halfway home, at which point, it was pointless to try to get back to campus because it was closed. I called some friends and they told me they'd try to get it today, but I haven't heard any word that it's been secured. That sketch pad has all my sketches for Figure Drawing. As in, hundreds of one minute sketches, dozens of five minute sketches and a couple of ten minute sketches of live models; which of course, I won't be able to re-do. Bummer.
I'm not letting that get to me though.

I'm happy today and bent on enjoying that.
I do have to work though, so I'll catch y'all later :P

-Jezz

Echo- Just because I'm bored at work

1. SOMEONE SAYS "ARE YOU OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Aint no nigga"- Jay Z ft. Foxxy Brown

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF:
"Wonderwall"- Oasis cover by Robbie Williams- live acoustic

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Closer"- Drake

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"We are all made of stars"- Moby

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Stronger" Kanye West [so love this one]

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
"Broken Heart"- Dashboard Confessionals

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Something Beautiful"- Robbie Williams

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Rise Up"- Yves Larock

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Fences"- Paramoure

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
"Face to Face"- Daft Punk [lol sooo fits!]

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"To have and to hold"- Deftones [damn babes!]

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Privilege"- Incubus

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Heartless"- Kanye West

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"City is Mine"- Drake [lmfao]

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"All my loving"- Jim Sturguess (Across the Universe soundtrack)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"My Favorite Game"- The Cardigans

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Groovejet (If this ain't love)"- Spiller ft. Sophie Ellis Bextor

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
"Dream to make believe"- Armour for Sleep

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Faded"- Drake

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
"I will survive"- Cake

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Let it out"- Hoobastank

22. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"You're so last summer"- Taking Back Sunday

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Flying over bus stops"- Athlete [lol]

24. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Dirty Harry"- Gorillaz

25. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Echo"- Vertical Horizon

Random- Alphabet survey! :P

A
- Available: what?
- Age: 20 and months... (God! how much longer til 21?!)
- Annoyance: stalling and dancing around a subject
- Animal: Dog and fish
- Actor: Channing Tatum.. El tipo ta bueno... como le da su gana. nuff said.
-Actress: IDk, but I"d say Charlize Theron and Eva Mendes... Might change my mind on that

B
- Beer: Miller & Presidente (la mejor cerveza, el verdadero sabor! ... lol)
- Birthday/Birthplace: November 5th, NY, NY
- Best Friends: SooziQ, Babes, Claudia, Hass :)
- Best feeling in the world: SLEEP!! and a good night out
- Blind or Deaf: rather be deaf lol...
- Best weather: Bright sunny days :)
- Been in Love: who hasn't?!
- Been on stage?: yeah... kinda love it there
- Believe in yourself? : yeah, not that I'm life delusional or anything, but I'm sorta awesome :P
- Believe in life on other planets: yeah... I'm not self- centered and stupid enough to believe that humans are the most intelligent form of life in this universe, I mean, seriously? SERIOUSLY? lol
- Believe in miracles: yeah, but they're rare
- Believe in Magic: Nahh not even
- Believe in God: Yes I do!
- Believe in Satan: Yeha, it's not like we can all be good and decent, ya know?
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: Nahhh... dude that must've been some really bad crack!
- Believe in Evolution: Seriously? Na, not even... I am not a monkey!

C
- Car: 2008 Ford Mustang GT... anyone who knows me will kow I drool a the sight of this car. If only... *Deep sigh*
- Candy: Reeses, Kit Kat, caramel popcorn and BROWNIES!
- Color: to wear, black & white. for everything else? purple
- Cried in school: yeahhhh
- Chocolate/Vanilla: ChoCoLaTe
- Chinese/Mexican: this is just a fukttup question... next!!
- Country to visit: Egypt, France, Japan, Greece, Tahiti

D
- Day or Night: NIGHT!
- Dream vehicle: 2008 Ford Mustang GT. Feel free to donate one to me at anytime :)
- Danced: last friday
- Dance in the rain: lol like a month ago, while I was waiting for the bus with no umbrella

E
- Eggs: When fried. over easy with crispy edges. When scrambled, with cilantro and tomatoes
- Eyes: mine are chocolaty brown, but I drool for hazel eyes
- Everyone has a: heart. No seriously, you can't live without a heart!

F
- First crush: ay padre... Hugo Tavarez, 5th grade I think... damn... long long long ago!
- Full name: Jessica Antonia Aybar Hernandez
- First thoughts waking up: Damn what time is it?!?!
- Food: delicious!!!

G
- Greatest Fear: failure and disappointing those who believe in me
- Giver or taker: uhm... wrong wording to that question.. pue si...
- Goals: To travel the world
- Gum: Strawberry trident
- Get along with your parents?: yeah sorta... My mom is like awesome. lol
- Good luck charm: Diamond and Onyx ring from my grandma :)

H
- Hair Color: same color as always, Mahogany brown
- Height: 5'7 I think
- Happy: on good days
- Holiday: New Year's day... My brother's bday!
- Health freak? Naah.. I like healthy food, but do I make a conscious decision to exclusively eat that? hella nah!
- Hate: cronically messy people who invade my personal space with their mess. Meaning my little brother's toys all over my bed. NO. NOT NICE! oh, and people who don't close doors after themselves.

I
- Ice Cream: Chocolate, Brownie and Dulce de Leche
- Instrument: I play piano, but I love violin and chello

J
- Jewelry: earings, and rings. Always.
- Job: Customer Service Rep... be nice people. Not all of us are assholes, ya know?! Some of us try to help y'all!

K
- Kids: are cute to have when they are approximately 4-9 months... after that, not even
- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing. It's my next great adventure.
- Keep a journal?: yeah, on and off for a while now

L
- Longest Car Ride: On the road from Santo Domingo to Samana... omg it felt like forever
- Love: is tricky, confusing, overwhelming, and beautiful. I loves: chocolate, piano, chello, cookies and Mustangs :)
- Letter: J of course! on the other hand, I do write letters occasionally... particularly to babes cuz we can't quite talk like normal people.
- Laughed so hard you cried: the day I fell off the bed while trying to mock babes... a good 3 hours laughing at my stupidity.. lol

M
- Milk flavor: Chocolateee!
- Movie: anything but horror movies... they creep me out... so I only watch them when I'm not alone
- Marriage: not a subject I openly discuss. EVER. See my previous post on marriage.


N
- Number of Siblings: 2... my brothers!
- Number of Piercings: 2.. at one point I had a belly right, but that faded fast... lol
- Number: 5, 11

O
- Overused Phrases: nah not even, STFU!, W/E! and ehhh y entonce?!
- One wish: "May the happiness of others lives be enough to overshadow the sorrows of my own"
- One phobia: not being able to breathe
- Perfect Pizza: tomatoes and cilantro. Sometimes with mushrooms
- Pepsi/Coke: Coca Cola :)

R
- Reason to cry: despair, helplessness, aggravation
- Reality T.V.: The Amazing Race, and The biggest loser
- Radio Station: Q100 Atlanta!! lol

S
- Shoe size: 7 1/2- 8
- Sushi: tried it for the 1st time on my last birthday with friends... hooked ever since.
- Skipped school: frequently... wait not, I'm not supposed to admit that.. damn
- Slept outside: haha yeah, me and Soozi were stranded for a night in NYC... lol
- Seen a dead body?: not even
- Smoked?: every once in a while, but never on a regular.
- Skinny dipped?: nahh never
- Shower daily?: yeaahhhh
- Sing well?: I like to think so
- In the shower?: nah, not even
- Swear?: yeah, like most of humanity
- Stuffed Animals?: love me some.... specially Asher :)
-Single/Group dates: single dates are more personal, but group dates are random and hilarious

T
- Thunderstorms: means lots of rain which means my happy ass will be asleep in 3.5 minutes. :)
- TV: don't watch much, but SNL is the shizznit
- Unpredictable: my mom. LOL.

V-
-Vegetable you hate: CARROTS! I hate them with a passion!
- Vegetable you love: brocolli :) (yeah I know I'm like weird n stuff)

W
- Weakness: chocoolateee!
- Who makes you laugh the most: my BFF's
- Wanted to be a model?: nahh that's all Soozi
- Worst weather: cold cold cold winter days :( It aggravates me.

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: my favorite color growing up. My room was yellow when I lived in DR.

Z
- Zoo animal: Tigers.... rawr :)
- Zodiac sign: Scorpio

Monday morning [>_<]

It's monday and I'm miserable.
i suppose that lack of sleep and food might have something to do with it, but I don't really know that for a fact.
I just know that I have some sort of killer rage boiling inside me for no fuckin reason.
I didn't go to class today. Has says the warm weather has gotten to my head. I do admit that being from the Carribbean, warm weather does tend to make me lose focus from my priorities. I begged to go on some random great adventure for the day, that would involve me riding shotgun in his car. However, he wasn't quite diggin it, and wanted to email our proffessor. I begged and begged, all to no avail.
After he dragged my ass up the stairs to the 4th floor and then to the 5th floor to get online and start doing some work, Has and I realized that we can't even log into the school network.
Fantabulous.
I decide to go to Financial Aid and at least TRY to do something productive the class time I'm missing.
I got some good & some bad news from Financial Aid, but overall, nothing that will be particularly helpful at the momment. So I deiceded to try to figure out why I couldn't log into the school network, but of course no-one was there. I tracked down the head of the IT Dept and she changed my password. I was finally able to log in. Somehow, I'm not exactly thrilled nor overwhelmed with the news. *blank stare*
I TRY to start working on the damned assisgnemnt, purposely designed to bore you to death and back before you're even half-way done with the damned essay.
I gave up in record time, 7.52 minutes. ^#@#$ this @#@$#$!
anyhow. I think this has a strong dependency on lack of food and sleep, mainly, most likely completly, the food part.
I'm cranky andnow that I think of it I'm kinda sorry I'm being a meanie to Has.
For whatever it's worth, I decided to actually email the proffessor, like Has dragged me to. *grim half-assed smile that looks like a cross between a confused look and pain*
Anyhow. I need to get me some breakfast before I end up breaking something.

Whomever said that Breakfast is brainfood, Dude you were SO damnned right man!\

Catch y'all later chumps.

-Jezz

I hate Bank of America

I hate Bank of America with a PASSION!


I had a Suntrust account, and I was a happy, law abiding citizen. I made sure I kept my balance straight, had my savings account and paid for my trip to NY, never had a credit card or a loan, just kept things simple. But my mom, tired of having to take me to the bank to cash my check, insistently nagged about how much of a drag it was to take ME somewhere else and that I should open an account with Bank of America, and that it was "the bank of opportunity" and that they were really really nice at the branch near my house.
I, silly, innocent I, as usual, decide to follow mom's advise and sure, go ahead, and open an account with Bank of America. I swear that right now, I have this insane urge to go to the nearest branch and hijack every last cent they have. Those people are trained to scam you, I swear.
I have had a horrible horrible experience with them since the day I opened my account.
I mean, my credit card was maxed out the day after I opened the damn thing. Then it was a fraud charge on my checking, which was reimbursed. Then there was the charge that went through two weeks after I used my card, and of course, I got slapped with an overdraft fee.
Then there was another fraud charge on my checking. Someone withdrew $600 from my checking account. This is school tuition money, that I work 10 hour daily shifts for. Rent money that I give my mom. Food money ( and believe me, never should you ever mess with me and my food!) and most importantly this is what caused me to have to use my credit card myself. I was never refunded those $600, no matter that I called numerous times and spoke to a million bzillion people and had like 5 claim numbers. I kept speaking to reps telling me that this issue was under investigation, that there was an account manager assigned to this and whole lot more baloney. Ultimatly, I got tired of getting the roundabout, went to the Bank and demanded to speak to the Branch Manager, just to find out that since the claim had been "Closed" over a month (which no-one decided to call me and let me know) there was nothing that could be done. Grrrreat.

See, I work in the Customer Service industry myself. I know what it's like when someone calls all frantic about something, so I try to be nice, civilized even. But what good does that do when people take advantage of you? I still decided to be the better citizen and take the high road... God will serve them their justice, I just gotta deal with paying off the pending balance on my credit card and close that damn thing out.
So why is it, that now I have 3 fraudulent charges on my account, all within 6 days and I also have 2 overdraft fees and I now owe the bank $200 that I didn't have to begin with?

So I got charged for a company called A1 Memberships, and here is the funny part. They first charge you $1.97. Then they charge you $2.17, and THEN they charge you $72.21. Please add overdraft fees here as necessary.
The even more messed up part is that they even have a phone number listed on the transaction description. It's 866-200-5473. Google it and see what you get. A listing of people saying they got Fraudulent transactions with the same general description: A1, several charges, $72.21, fraudulent charge.
It's supposedly from some "online source" that sells "Google kits" and that someone found from an add on Facebook. Like, SERIOUSLY?! and then, even more hilarious, the company is based in India, and it's a POS transaction (Point of Sale). Meaning you'd have to be in India and use your card to make the transaction. REALLY MF?! Don't you think I'd have enough money to cover the damn transaction IF and WHEN I was in India? Even more hilarious is the fact that several transactions for the same date were made in GA.
The exact same date.
Only ONE card for the account.
India and Atlanta, GA, within several hours.
In case you need a geography lesson, let me educate you a little: It would take several flights to get there, resulting in a total travel time exceeding 8-10 hours.
Now that all of this has been said, I'm a little cooled down. I'm still very much puzzled on how a single account can get targeted so many damned times within a YEAR!
I also happen to pay for credit protection. Biotches! you ain't protecting nothing when I get charges from India from shyt I didn't even try to buy, in a place I ain't ever been to!!!
So now I get the fantabulous task of once again, dealing with Bank of America Customer Services tomorrow.

"If these are the best days of my life, then someone shoot me now and get it over with already!"

-Jezzuka (2004)

Well chumps, that all for now... I'll keep y'all posted on this drama :/
Wish me patience. They're the ones that are gonna need the luck.
P.S.: If you a story that includes hostages, Bank of America, robbery and an Indian company called A1, it might've been me. haha.

[Playlist]-->> My bro's iPod

This one comes from my picks on my bro's iPod. Kid has got good taste in music I have to admit :)
[of course he would, he's related to me!]

"I'm still here"- Nine Days
"Rise Today"- Alter Bridge
"I'm not over"- Carolina Liar
"I will survive"- Cake
"Fine again"- Seether
"Given Up"- Linkin Park
"30 minutes"- Tatu
"Inside out"- Eve 6
"Let me blow your mind" -Eve ft. Gwen Stefani
"It's all about me"- Jzabehl
"Ma taide"- Don Miguelo --> Dominican Shyt! :P
"Club Foot" Kasabian
"I'm back"- Eminem
"Superstar"- Lupe Fiasco ft. Matthew Santos
"All about us" -Tatu
"Dream On" - Aerosmith
"Every day is exactly the same"- Nine Inch Nails
"Lady" -Lenny Kravitz
"The pros and cons of breathing" - Fall out Boy
"Pump it" -Black Eyed Peas
"She will be loved" -Maroon 5
"Viva la Vida"- Coldplay
"Tokyo Drift (Fast & Furious)" -Teriyaki Boyz
"Leave out all the rest"- Linkin Park
"The Final Countdown (2000 Remix)"- Europe
"Moonlight Party"- Fonzerelli