Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ni son todos los que están, ni están todos los que son.

Have you ever had friends who, even though you don't like some of their ways, you still put up with?
Have you ever had a friend you thought you knew, and that you knew well, until to find out, MUCH MUCH LATER, that said person was NOTHING like you originally thought, and then have some sort of an existential crisis when you find out your close friend is far from that?

I just realized that ending a friendship is kind of like a bad breakup. Except there's more ammo for cheap shots and a lot more resentment and bitterness.

 This is a Hate Post. I need to vent.

I just need to get this off my chest.
It's taking up too much mental space and WAY too much energy that I need to focus on other things.
Negativity only breeds further negativity, and quite honestly, a little is already too much. But instead of letting it go, I keep holding on to it and resent the feelings I have, and then those feelings start to get nasty and fester and all that other BS, and I'm stuck in this negative loop that is bringing me down.

There is a spanish  phrase that I have heard before, and that came to mind today:
Ni son todos los que están, ni están todos los que son.
Literally, it means: 
Not all those who are there are; nor are not those who are not there.
Confusing?? Very. It's one of those phrases that usually get lost in translation.

But hey, look at it this way:

Not all those who are there are  (Crazy/sane/strong/powerful) ,

nor are not (crazy/sane/strong/powerful) those who are not there.

another translation of this is that:

Neither all who are [guilty] stand [here], nor all who stand [here] are [guilty].

Feel free to change the word "Guilty" as needed. Some examples that can be used are crazy, sane, true, innocent, honest, suffering, etc.

In essence, this saying means, the presence or absence of people in one context/social setting or the other, does not, in any way, represent their true numbers.
AKA: The fact that you are not racing in a marathon, does not mean you are not a runner. Nor, does it mean that you truly ARE a runner if you are in a marathon.
In sum,  appearances are deceiving.

 You get the point. 
(If you don't then I don't think you should bother reading the rest of the post, mostly because you'd miss the point behind the point I was just trying to make. Forgive me, I'm rather cut & dry and insensitive lately.)

So, in that light, I use the phrase in tone and tune with friendship.
Ni son todos los que están, ni están todos los que son.

No all who surround you are friends, and not all who are friends are surround you.
Sometimes we are mistakenly believe that those who surround us are unconditional friends, when truly that is not the case.

Usually, it's sad the way we realize who really are our friends, those people around you who care enough to literally, care for you when you need it.
It is said that when you are in need, then you will truly find those who are your true friends.
Sometimes, despite knowing someone for most of your life, their true colors never really come out until you actually need them, and realize that, even if you had their back... they don't have yours. At all. Period.
“True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient;
it's about being there when it's not.”
 How is it, that after knowing someone X amount of YEARS, being a faithful, honest friend, being there for crying fits, broken hearts, drunken nights, major favors, city touring, college broke-ass-ness and ramen noodles, window shopping and hookups gone bad, when you need someone there.... there's anybody but said friend?
I'm more than hurt, I'm resentful.
See, I can understand that everyone has priorities. I can understand that some things will always take precedence over others. I am ok with the fact things will not always be the way I want them and the world does not run on my schedule.
However, it is an insult to me that... as a friend who HAS helped you move, who has paid for your luggage before your flight when your ass was broke, who has fed you and helped you clean your house, among many many other things... you decide to go to a pool party and tell me you have things to do and can't help me move.
That, is the very definition of BITCHASSNESS.

To be more, politically correct with my words, I'll say this:
Friendship is a two way street. While, as a friend, I do not keep a tally of who did what last for whom, when the scales tip significantly in such a manner that I ALWAYS give, and you always receive and it never goes the other way... well you know... I've got to say...

Fuck you and your selfishness and self-centeredness.
FUCK YOU and how everything is always about you and what you want and when you want it
F U C K  Y O U and your spoiled ass who does not know the meaning or concept of HARD WORK and who does not understand the terms GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION.
Fuck you for every single damn time I ended up doing you a favor when I could've done something else, BECAUSE I CARED about you.

Looking at things objectively, I've always known you were spoiled. That you were also childish, immature and selfish.
But you know, recently I've seen a side that I really disliked and much to my dismay and disdain it has only become worse over the last few months.
You are like a fucking leech. You siphon your needs and wants off from other people and when you realize that they're over financing your next greatest adventure and bending over to your every whim, you kick them out of your life.
It is a disappointment to say the least, and at best, it makes you a low-life scum.
And see, after knowing you so long, you'd think that, for the sheer amount of BS we've seen each other through, the very bond of our friendship would deter you even considering trying that same bullshit with me, and yet that's not the case.

So you know,

With this wonderfully eloquent post I conclude the calamitous dramatic demise of our friendship.
Matter of fact, I don't even need or want some sort of truce or peace offering.
What for? To go back to the same bullshit all over again? Nah, I'll pass.
Besides, we both already know that your proud ass isn't going to even try. You don't need me, and I can honestly see now that you don't care either.
I don't need your apology.
Matter of fact, I don't need you in my life either.
Quite honestly, aside from moments and memories, there's barely any common ground between you and I.
You don't work, you don't understand the concept of having to work and EARN your things and places. You treat people and life and things as though they are all disposable to your every desire and as of now, you only live, breathe and exist for your significant other.

So what would I want a truce for? Much less an apology?
To go back to the same routine in which for the first week I'm agreeable, then the second one I'm cranky, on the third one I'm frowning and by the last one I'm ready and willing to toss knives at you when you open your mouth?
I'll pass.
I have better things to do with my life. Matter of fact, better people are out there. Those who can truly know the meaning of friendship, and understand that a friend is not the same thing as an endless debit card.

So let these be my parting words:
Fare well. Grow up. Appreciate. Understand. Be independent and self-reliant. Life will not always be kind and you must also learn you don't have a right to get what you want, or else.
In the end, I just hope you look back and see where the mistakes were made, so that you don't make them again. And lastly, learn to be kind, to be generous, in all possible ways. Seek to give more than you receive because in the end that is the true joy in life.




  1. umm... yeah... we need to talk.

  2. I dont like losing friends. Specially the important ones =/

    People suck. But.. do you really want to lose a friend?

  3. No, I don't.
    Losing a friend is like a bad break up. I think I already said that though.

    I can understand that pride gets in the way sometimes.
    But the truth is, there is difference between being proud and being fed up with someone's bullshit.

    In life everything goes both ways.
    Even if I didn't want to take the time to rebuild the broken bonds, maybe that "friend" should have "taken one for the team" and set pride aside and made an effort to patch things up.
    After all, friendship is not just about receiving.
    But that's been my whole gripe about it.I always pick my battles wisely. I try to be as understanding as possible. I'm the condescending one who always bends and looks the other way for the sake of maintaining the peace.
    I got fed up. Waaay past the point of being agreeable and understanding.
    Maybe I'm being childish and immature.
    And self-centered and selfish.
    Maybe I should handle things differently.
    But sometimes it's just about making a point and standing up for yourself, and that's where I stand in regards to this.
    It sucks to lose a good friend.
    But it sucks even more to see that the person you considered a good friend and thought felt the same about you, doesn't even care at all.