Monday, October 26, 2009

THE playlist- 5 years and counting

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Current mood:  mellow
The soundtrack to a never ending story
5 years in the making and i know that only you will understand it...

"kryptonyte" three doors down
"stupid girl" cold
"white flag" dido
"hollow life" korn
"ape dos mil" glassjaw
"understanding in a car crash" thursday
"box of sharp objects" the used
"mu empire" glassjaw
"mascara" deftones
"digital bath" deftones
"a certain shade of green" incubus
"epiphany" stained
"losing my religion" rem
"as you sleep" something corporate
"here without you" three doors down
"be quiet and drive" deftones
"unaffected" hoobastank
"the end of the world" the cure
"alt.end" the cure
"goodye for now" P.O.D.
"goodye to you" the used
"I miss you" blink182

"yesterday thru everything at me" athlete
"letters to you" finch
"seven years" saosin
"bury your head" saosin

"right here waiting" stained
"slowburn" revelation theory

"autumn's monologue" from autumn to ashes
"lucky you" deftones
"we're all theives" circa survive
"where'd you go?" fort minor

"handshakes at sunrise" circa survive
"saving me" nickelback
"seventeen" red jumpsuit apparatus
"thru the glass" stonesour
"everything changes" stained
"anti gravity love song" incubus
"wish you were here" incubus
"standing on the edge of summer" thursday
"rough hands" alexisonfire
"where no one knows" alexisonfire
"we're in this together" nine inch nails
"boiled frogs"alexisonfire
"forever" papa roach
"dig" incubus
"stars" hellyeah

This was a while back. WAAY back in a different lifetime it almost seems. A helluva lot has changed since, and I'll admit I haven't listened to the playlist since almost the time I published it... until this weekend.
I fell asleep watching a movie with Babes, as usual. Instead of finishing the movie, as he normally does, he put on the playlist and slept next to me. 
I woke up crying and confused. I mean damn. Even in my sleep, at an unconscious level, my affection for Babes is there.
Puzzled, he looked at me like I came from another planet, trying to figure out wtf had me sobbing. He held me and I cried, and I cried, and I cried, and to be honest, even at this point I have no friggin idea why I burst into tears.
His opinion is that I, ever so reluctant to talk about feelings in general, let alone my own, with another living person, keep too many things bottled up inside me... and well, they eventually come out, one way or another.
My thought on it is that, in a way, I really miss what we had and how we were. I say this because I know, in my heart of hearts, that even if we were to try things again, it wouldn't be the same. Not because we wouldn't be trying, but because we're both in very very different situations and circumstances in our lives, and the love I once had for him: devoted, unconditional, blind and naive; is now gone. My love isn't a love of innocence and illusion. It's tough love.
Maybe that's what we both need right now. Maybe that's what make real love work in real life, I don't know.
But the tears from that day were tears of longing for its return. Maybe in time we'll both be able to reach a point where we're willing to try to work things out... for  now, all we can do is hope and take one day at a time!

Later folks

-Jezz ♥

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