So after my self-proclaimed triumph over PB & Jacob Wannabe on the New Year's Eve party, I was feeling... relieved but... not quite... I don't know what to call it... Suffice it to say that; although I technically had closed off the Jacob Wannabe chapter with the ending year while I was still on top of the game, I was still feeling to much to say I was over it. And of course, bad habits die hard, so....
Part IV: Untitled
My last conversation with Jacob Wannabe was somewhere between Secret Santa and New Year's eve.
At the New Year's eve I felt his eyes linger a bit too long on me, even though he was with PB.
After my minor moment of glory when I finally saw PB face to face for the first time, instead of thinking about the situation less... I thought about it more. So in an effort to start the new year with a better purpose and commitment, I threw myself into sketching, and sketching and sketching and sketching some more. My insomnia came back in full bloom and I was up again past 5 am, until I literally wore myself to exhaustion and would fall asleep, pencil in hand. Not the best way to start the year, but I'm good friends with Denial, and we got along pretty well. At least I can say I got something productive out of it by building up my portfolio.
So there I was on a Saturday morning, unsuspecting and engaged in deep concentration to avoid thinking too much, and Jacob Wannabe calls.
The Star Wars marathon is happening at Pilot's house, and he's offering to pick me up and take me home. I agree, but to make things a little more difficult for me to get into a compromising situation, I said my lil bro, Chino, had to come with me, and I had to swing by my mom's job and drop off something. He agreed, so we the plans were set.
Me and Chino head out, and we make the quick stop at my mom's job. Although I told him to park, Jacob decided to wait for me right at the door, where my mom stood and of course, went into questions of why on earth I was riding with him, and like any great hispanic mother, gave him the evil eye. She made it so much of a point that, when I got back in the car, Jacob mentioned how he knows that look from his mom's eye and knows he is not welcome at my house any time soon. Shit. At least he's clear about it, right?
We get to Pilot's house and hang out for a bit, but then head out on a popcorn run that took forever.
After we get back, my brother, instead of watching Star Wars with us, has decided to go play PS3. Pilot takes the recliner. Movie & Pilot's dad take the love seat. Jacob and I are left looking at each other and I just head for the big sofa and sit on one end, while he sits at the other end.
By male consensus, they decide to turn on the fans, even though we're at the lowest temperature we've had all season, but hey, I was outnumbered and decided to tough up. But who was I kidding? I have cold feet, both literally and figuratively. I was raised in the Caribbean, with warm weather year-round. I'm not made for cold. However, in a fuss, I grabbed a throw and snuggled up.
In light of the fact that I'm sitting in the same sofa as Jacob, I build a wall with the cushions in the middle of it, just to make a point. My point was short lived though, because he had the big bowl of popcorn and the ice and I had the cheezeits and the soda. Crap. Oh well. I tried.
We started watching the first movie, and we were both texting during it. Not each other! just texting people. I, for one, was texting my cousins, and if I know anything about Jacob, I can bet he was texting PB. *sigh*
Since I had never seen any of the Star Wars movies, Jacob kept making comments about the movie and the plot. The problem with this is that we were too far for me to hear him and I was bent on sitting as far as possible, so every time he said something I had to lean towards him and grab his arm to pull myself closer and be able to listen. I didn't mind too much, as long as I went back to my little corner and curled up.
The second movie comes up, and by this point, I've curled up into a ball in hopes of preserving my body heat and to make myself stop shivering. Jacob, in turn, has decided to look for every single possible reason to find something to say to me, making me grab his arm constantly and lean in. Now at first he had some legit things to say, but after he ran out of spoilers to tell me about the plot, he just started asking me dumb questions like "Are you cold?"(I was still shivering, so clearly I was, even when I denied it), "Are you thirsty?" (I had the soda next to me), "Are you hungry?" (I had a box of cheezits on my lap), and my personal favorite "Are you okay??". YES JACOB I am MF OKAY with your happy ass sitting close and trying to make conversation like all of last fall and winter did not happen and you didn't decided to stop dating me and bring your ex to the family's New Year's eve party. I am PERFECTLY FIIINE.
Somwhere along the second movie, my mom starts freaking out and wants me home. Because I know that this is all due to Jacob being there, I decide to be a nuisance and tell her she has to pick me up, fully knowing that because Pilot's mom is one of her closest friends, I'll stay longer. HAHA.
We finish the second movie, and Pilot's asking for a rockband break before the third one. I'm game, and we resume our regular positions: I do the vocals, Jacob is on bass and Pilot's on drums. Things should not be this easy.
My mom throws a fit and has me get ready to leave because, well, she said so, treating me like a pre-teen. I fully live up to the role, and at 21, manage to throw a fit worthy of a 13 year old who has suddenly lost cell phone privileges, and manage to get to her to let me stay.
Cause see, even though I wasn't talking to Jacob much, even though we were not on good terms, and even though we're just watching a movie with everyone there... He was there and that made the difference, as much as I hated to admit it to myself.
So back to Rockband it is.... but then my mom's car was frozen up... and wouldn't start. Pilot, who reminds me of the better memories I have of my dad, goes to help her out and checks the car, and pulls it into his driveway. He offers to fix it, but says it has to be in the morning cuz, well, it's freezing.
He did offer my mom a ride home, and at this point, I have to head home. Shit. Not cool.
Pilot and I ride on the front seat while Chino, mom and yeah, you guessed it, Jacob ride in the back. And for moments like this, I love, admire and hate my mom all at once. We start driving off and the first question out of my mom's mouth is "So how are the girlfriends doing, guys?" Jacob stammers, Pilot turns on music and I laugh because I see how much I am like my mom, pushing on the awkward subject for the sake of amusement. We talk about the car, and before I know it, we're home. So off to home I go. Like a good kid.
Except I'm not that much of a good kid.
Pilot and Jacob leave, and at home I snuggle up in pj's and go back to my hard labor of sketching. Except that I can't quite focus because, well, I just can't. In an effort to get my life together and get some rest, I take some over-the-counter sleeping pills, and against my better judgment, decide to text Jacob.
When he leaves Pilot's house, about 20 minutes later, he calls. Of course, my happy ass was half asleep, but I still answered. We talk a bit and he laughs at my teenage like anger. We crack a couple jokes from the night, and he mentions how he's right around the block from my house and offers to stop by, and well... I said, sure, why not, without really thinking through the consequences. Both of us surprised at the answer, he says he'll be there in a minute and we hang up. Only then I come to realize, it's 2:30am, and I'm in pjs and look like Frankenstein's bride, and shit, he's already here.
I say fuck it, grab a jacket and bed booties and downstairs I go, to meet with the enemy and forbidden fruit.
And the thing is, that even if I had tried to predict how the night would pan out, I would've been soo far off it's not even funny. It's just sad.
Nothing I could have said to myself would have prepared me for what came.
to be continued...
Wait for the next episode in which I go back on new year resolutions on the 2nd day of the year and dig a hole too deep to get out of...