Round 2

Is this what we've become? .... I don't recognize any of this, I can't see the two people who loved each other at some point or another... It's like you resent me for being me.... Maybe i'm way off base.... As for myself, it's like I see a child when I look at you... Which would explain my utter disregard for what you say.... Maybe i'm the problem, me & my issues with being told what to do & what not to do & my preconceived notions, forged by a mental regime imposed by my dad's ocd, on how people need to act & appropriate behavior.... I'm rambling & I'm sleepy.... Guess I'll call it a night for now... Laters

....

I'm siting next to you and all I can think about is how much longer will we do this... Time keeps passing & it feels like you're still stuck at 16 and I feel like the more I try to make things work, the less effort you seem to want to make... So what am I supposed to do? How do I make peace with all this disdain and disappointment I feel when we're together?... Is it unreasonable of me to expect more than mediocrity from you? Is it insensible of me to believe that you CHOOSE to live a life of underachieving and hoping and dreaming of greatness and success? Maybe I'm being stupid... But i'll be caught dead before I actually tell you that 50% of the time I feel like you're dragging me down in a downward spiral that ends on a rut & a grave, and the other half I sit, puzzled & confused, wondering if this is all you have to offer & if that's enough for me... Is this all I deserve? .... Days like this make me feel like love, no matter how much of it you may have for me & I for you... is just not enough to turn a blind eye & stay with a heavy heart... I'm trying, I'm really trying here.... but at what point do I forgo saving the sinking ship of us and save whatever is left of me?... & you're high & asleep while I, wonder our fates away...

So it's March and I write a new post

February is officially over and done with and so I can write a post and not feel like I'm twitting my life over blogger.
HA.

I now have a job! YAAAAAY! I start monday! I'm working in the same field and in a similar schedule (late afternoons & evenings), but I'm making a little more than before, and I get a 401K plan and I get overtime as well, so... pretty shoes of the world, hear my cry! I'm coming for ya!! :)
My mom was extra happy & nice and bought me stuff for me to wear to work so I look extra pretty on my first week. Luckily, the new job is like 5 minutes away from my school, which also means that I won't have to rush like a maniac from campus to work and vice versa. Sadly, the 3 weeks of training start on monday, and I have to be there by 9 am.... I'm not a morning person, at allllll.... o.O but I've been a little better about my sleeping habits and I've been hitting bed by 12am, which is significant progress compared to my usual 3 am-ish bedtime.

In other notes, Babes and I have weaned off the arguing - Thank God- and we've been actually having a lot of fun. Part of it, I think, is due to the fact that he's been a tab more social and sociable, because one of his friends got kicked out by his gf, and has been staying at Babes house for the last few days.

Random note: Taco Bell is open til 2 am or later. 4th meal is that random, middle of the night craving you get and head out to any of the very select few places open past 1 am in a Wednesday night. The only problem with 4th meal is that, while you may eat it at night.... you pay for it the morning after. o.O Worst.Stomachache.EVER.

mmmh.... I'm trying to think of what else has been going on in life, and thankfully, this is all for now.
Then again, it's been about a week, if not less, since my last post so I guess it's just a matter of giving time, time.
 laters gaters!

Jezz