Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Reflections on my best friend

Everyone has their obsessions, consuming thoughts, consuming time... 

They hold high their prized possession...defines the meaning of their lives

you are mine

["You are mine"- Mute Math]

Recently, I made plans, and sadly, they didn't fall through. After having invited some friends to dinner and getting an initial "Sure, let's go"; they decided they didn't want to go anymore, and didn't even bother saying so.
Well damn.
Needless to say, I was rather ticked off, and in a fit, was about to head home.
Babes sat me down and blew some steam off and made me vent, like he usually does when I'm fuming angry, and well, that took off the edge on things.
Instead of heading home, I went out to dinner with Babes.
My best friend... by far and wide.
So we go to Chilli's, order our food and talk.
It's amazing how sometimes, many times, ever too often, we underestimate and undervalue those closest, nearest, dearest to us all.
Dinner was a lot better than I expected. I had a chance to catch up with the other person who can finish my sentences and I was reminded of why we mesh so well together while I finished his.
We shared a dessert and nearly died with the Molten Lava Chocolate whatever it was, it was that good.
We went for a walk, like we used to do a million years ago. Eventually we headed back to the dorms and watched SNL and chilled on the couch.
And it hit me like a ton of bricks.... although I pursue other interests and although I have hopes of finding someone else, I would never be able to share the same bond with anyone else.
Here I was, sitting on the couch with my best friend and there was nowhere I'd rather be nor with anyone else.
I guess that certain people have that power over us.
Eventually we turned off the tv and just sat there, each one at one end of the couch and our feet meeting in between, laughing at our usual antics and enjoying the moment. Somewhere along the line, I fell asleep next to my bestie... a guy whom I trust blindly, despite how wrong it may seem.
It's as though there is some protective bubble when we're together... like it's just him and I and we're a team and can truly rely on each other with the knowledge that neither is trying to fool the other.
For over 5 years, honesty has been our main rule.
Honesty to where it hurts, both ourselves and each other. Honesty because it tells us where we stand. Honesty because we'd rather know the truth as opposed to playing games.
So when I say, in all honesty, I have no fucking idea what is wrong with my head and my heart... I'm dead serious.
Is it possible to find the RIGHT person with ALL the possible WRONG circumstances and situations surrounding them?
Because it feels like I found him before I was ready to embrace the magnitude of what it implies....
I'm not ready for that kind of commitment just yet... I want to have fun... but... am I committing the clichéd thing everyone does, wanting to wild out before calling it a good run and settling for the best they could find?
Because that just really sounds wrong.... and I'd hate to be the one doing that...
And as much as I avoid the thought and try to avoid the reality behind it...
I love my best friend like no-one else...
and he loves me beyond words....
so what the hell am I doing?

If I'm all that you're looking for, 
tell me,
why is there a river streaming down your face?
Sometimes makes me wonder 
all about 
your love
Love, love, love love....
After some time
it's something I find true.
Love, love, love, love
Love's not a grave, it won't decay on you.
Too many days I was afraid of love.
Love, love, love, love....

["Love, love, love (love, love)- As Tall as Lions ♥]


  1. yeah so as i said on the earlier post, i just read this. anywho. we've had this conversation... and you know i'm right there with u in the same sucky ass situation. the same one. but with another person. oh well. in this case, i don't think he was ready when i found him either =/

  2. holy mother of deja vu's @________@ .

    my advice: if you have doubts , do not.

  3. On second thought... just don't . Its the kinda thing that works in books and movies , but in real life the chances of it working are pretty slim .

    If it works out , great! .

    but f it doesn't work it would feel like a part of you was ripped apart ..